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You are the smart, confident, and independent daughter, but in front of your boyfriend, you turn into this clingy girlfriend, depending on him for everything. Well, love can make you do things you would never do; it might also change you as a person.
It makes the world seem more beautiful and lively. This happens because you care about your partner too much and are scared of losing him. But is this trait good for your relationship in the long run? No. Clinginess is a trait characterized by excessive emotional dependence, which often stems from the fear of losing your partner and needing reassurance from them constantly. The traits you perceive as showing care and affection probably come out to your partner as an invasion of personal space.
Read on to know whether you are a loving and understanding partner or a clingy one and ways to stop being one(if you think you are). But before that, you need to understand what being clingy means and how it can negatively affect your relationship.
What Does Being A ‘Clingy’ Girlfriend Mean?
A ‘clingy’ girlfriend is afraid of breaking up with her boyfriend and might act obsessively to ensure that he remains with her. She is possessive and may overthink. When the boyfriend tries to bring some space between them, she might start nagging him to talk through messages, phone calls, or see in person.
The constant need for love and attention is a big turn off for most men. They avoid clingy girlfriends because they feel their privacy and personal space are threatened.
If your boyfriend has been avoiding you and you feel it could be because of your clinginess, then have a look at the following signs of a clingy girlfriend. In case you are one, you can work on yourself.
17 Signs Of A Clingy Girlfriend
Here are a few signs common in girls whose boyfriends complain of them being clingy. Have a look at them and see if you have ever experienced any of these.
1. You text him incessantly
You send a ‘Hi!’ and if he does not reply within a few minutes, you bombard his inbox with tons of messages demanding a reply. You are now on tenterhooks waiting to hear from him and do not feel at ease unless he replies. You like talking to him and expect him to speak to you whenever you want to. And if he doesn’t do so, you get angry, assuming all sorts of irrational reasons why he would not text you back.
2. You want him to make you feel special
You might be the sun of his life revolving around him, and you expect the same from him. Do you want him to think about you all day and send you ‘‘miss you’ ’ texts? Do you want him to spend time with no one but you? If you want him to involve you in every aspect of his life, it shows you are a clingy and pushy girlfriend.
3. You want to be in constant touch
When in love, it is natural to want to be in touch with each other. But it lasts only till the honeymoon phase. Once you have passed it, you slowly get to normal. If you find yourself fretful about this change and constantly seeking updates on your partner’s whereabouts and plans, he may become irritated. Calling him multiple times a day, even when he seems reluctant to talk to you, makes you a dependent partner.
Quick tip4. You keep talking even when he is disinterested
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Whenever you are together, you are excited to share everything that happened throughout the day or week. You go on and on without caring if he is interested in listening to you or not. He might be yawning and looking tired, but you don’t care because you want him to know everything about your life.
5. You stalk him on social media
You often stalk him on all social media to keep a tab on his activities and poke him when he likes another girl’s picture. You check his photos and status to read the comments and then stalk his friends and every single account your partner follows. There is no limit to your online stalking habits, which is not a good sign.
6. You feel insecure when he talks to other girls
He mentions how his female colleague complimented his new tie, and you feel a slight prick of jealousy. Each time he says he is out with friends, you feel insecure that the group might include girls who would hit on him and vice versa. You find it hard to tolerate the thought of a girl close to him.
7. You expect frequent reassurance
No matter what he does or how he behaves, you wish to hear ‘I love you’ frequently from him. You are expressive and expect him to comfort you even when he doesn’t want to. That might be a turn off for your man.
According to Amy, a blogger, her need for frequent reassurance began after a painful breakup at the age of 23. Amy, who has been with a loving partner since 2012, says, “Here I was with a sweet and loving partner who was there for me, living with me, choosing to travel the world with me, and so much more, and I could not stop questioning his love for me or asking for constant reassurance of his feelings. Even when I was at my most anxious, I was logically aware that Nathan (her partner) was incredibly loving, generous, patient, kind, affectionate, and respectful. Oh, and it is vital that I mention that Nathan gave me tons of reassurance. That’s the problem with the cycle of anxiety and reassurance seeking. Even when Nathan was saying the very words I wanted to hear and demonstrating his caring to me through his actions, it still wasn’t enough (i).”
Point to consider8. You hardly meet your friends and family
You are so invested in your relationship that you hardly make time for your friends and family. You do not seem to enjoy their company anymore and wish to be with your boyfriend all the time. You are ready to cancel any meeting with them to allot time to your partner. Such acts make you too dependent on your partner, which is not good for you.
9. You invite yourself to his outings
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Since you do not spend time with family and friends anymore, you do not have any social life. Your lack of social life compels you to be intrusive, protective, and needy in your relationship. This might lead you to force yourself into his friends’ group. He may want to spend the weekend with his friends, but you somehow get yourself invited to his outing to be a part of everything he does. When you show up unannounced and, conversely, try to control who he speaks to or hangs out with, you cross his personal boundaries, which ends up suffocating him.
10. You hate when he spends time with his buddies
Each time he is out drinking or watching a game with friends, you feel anxious. You hate the fact that he has a social life while you don’t. You are also scared that he might flirt with other girls, and his friends might encourage him to have some ‘fun.’ This behavior is indicative of being restrictive, domineering, and controlling in the relationship.
11. You are suspicious
If he smiles at his phone, you may assume he is chatting with a girl. He could be smiling at a baby video or chatting with his buddies. You check his chat messages when he is not around. And if you have serious doubts, you might even stalk him physically to see if your suspicions are correct. This way, you may lose your peace of mind.
12. You feel he doesn’t love you enough
You often find yourself thinking that he does not love you as much as you love him. It may feel like you are the ‘reacher’ while he is the ‘settler’ in the relationship. You can only remember whatever you have done for him and hardly remember anything he has done for you.
13. You enjoy posting about your relationship on social media
Displaying your relationship on social media by posting images of dates, vacations, and even regular outings on social media are what you like. You feel restless if you are out with him and do not post the same on social media. These are signs of being a clingy partner.
14. You have frequent fights with him
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Do you fight with him every other day for no reason and whining about the lack of attention and affection? You are completely obsessed with him and want him to feel the same for you. But he doesn’t, so you keep getting into fights with him, accusing him of neglecting you. You feel insecure that he might get bored of you and leave you eventually.
15. You compare yourself with girls in his life
Your mind is often clouded with envious thoughts that you are not beautiful enough for your partner and that he will leave you the moment he finds someone better. And so you compare yourself with his ex-girlfriends or his female friends and colleagues and feel you can never match up to them.
If you are guilty of showing some of the above signs, you could be a clingy girlfriend. Do not worry, as we can tell you some ways to improve yourself as a loving partner.
16. Emotional dependency
Emotional dependency in a relationship often manifests as clinginess in a girlfriend. This dependency stems from a deep need for constant reassurance, leading to behaviors that can be perceived as needy or clingy. Such a girlfriend might struggle with self-esteem and anxious attachment, leading to fear of abandonment. It might cause her to seek continuous validation from her partner.
17. Lack of hobbies
A lack of personal hobbies in a girlfriend can indicate clinginess, as it often indicates an over-reliance on her partner for fulfillment and entertainment. Without individual interests, she may rely excessively on her partner’s presence and activities to occupy her time, leading to an imbalanced dynamic where she constantly seeks attention from her partner.
How To Stop Being A Clingy Girlfriend?
It must be your love, care, and a little bit of insecurity that makes you like a clingy girlfriend. But working on yourself and keeping control would help you calm down.
1. Be patient
The first thing you need to have in a relationship is patience, especially if you send long and constant messages to grab his attention. Initiate a conversation and wait until he gets back. Give him time to think. He could be busy and will reply to you when he can. Don’t ever beg for his attention. Next time you feel restless when he doesn’t respond, leave your phone in another room and get busy with some other activity that needs your focus and attention.
2. Develop self-esteem
By focusing more on your partner, you may tend to lose your self-esteem.
You might be a cool person, but your low self-esteem could make you obsessive about your partner. Understand your self-worth and never put anyone else above you. Even if the guy is smart and handsome, never lose sight that you are an awesome person, too. On this note, try to understand why you act this way and consider therapy to address past traumas that may be causing this behavior. Once you heal, you will likely have a healthier attachment style.
Be watchful3. Have a hobby
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If you spend most of your time thinking about your partner, you might lose your identity. Try to develop a hobby that requires your attention and focus. You can join classes or take an online tutorial to enhance a skill or learn something new. But do not keep too much free time for yourself for assumptions to blow your mind.
4. Have a life of your own
Do not make the mistake of neglecting your friends and family when you get into a relationship. You need to have a life of your own to keep sane and maintain a healthy love life. So, pick up your phone, talk to your best friend or your family, and make that appointment you have been pushing for a while to avoid becoming too codependent in your romantic relationship.
5. Control your insecurities
There will always be someone better than you in something or the other. But that does not make you inadequate for your partner. You are a unique person, and your partner probably fell for your particular attributes and not the other superficial qualities you feel worried about. Stop agonizing about your appearance, qualification, success, and any other aspect that makes you insecure, and value your unique self.
6. Learn to respect boundaries
You may want to share every minute of your life with your partner because you love him. However, if he does not feel the same, it doesn’t mean he loves you any less. He needs his personal space and time, which is a fundamental need for anyone and constantly seeking his attention can be suffocating. Do not get angry with him just because he does not feel like talking to you all the time. Everyone has their ways of showing love, so learn to give him space and respect his privacy. Instead of showing love by constantly being in his personal space, learn to communicate your feelings and needs better. This will help him understand you and reduce future disagreements and resentments.
7. Learn to trust him
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When he is out with friends or for work purposes, do not think your absence is an opportunity for him to cheat on you. Remember, if a man has to cheat, he will do it anyway, so there is no use stalking him or checking his phone. Instead, show some trust in him. Let him have his ‘me time’ and see how he starts respecting you for not meddling with his life.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Are clingy relationships healthy?
Clingy relationships may not be healthy because they create suffocation, dependency, and jealousy between partners. Gradually, clinginess leads to a lack of freedom, a frequent need for reassurance, a constant ask for support, and a negative self-image. Such behaviors cause significant stress in the relationship, which causes resentment, a lack of attraction toward the partner, and, eventually, a loss of emotional connection.
2. How do I break up with a clingy girlfriend?
While calling it quits with your girlfriend who is clingy, make sure you express yourself honestly but with kindness, tell her clearly about your desire to break up, and emphasize that the break-up would bring well-being to both of you. Also, give her time to express her opinion and focus on your emotional health while making the decision.
3. How do I set boundaries with my girlfriend who is too clingy?
Start by reflecting on your own needs. Have an open and honest conversation, using “I” statements to express your feelings. Be specific about the boundaries you’d like to set and explain the reasons behind them. Listen attentively and validate her feelings and emotions. Aim for a compromise that respects both of your needs. Furthermore, consistently reinforce the boundaries to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship.
4. What are some tips for dealing with a clingy girlfriend?
Dealing with a clingy girlfriend requires open communication and setting clear boundaries. Express your feelings calmly and help her understand the need for personal space. Encourage her to build self-confidence, cultivate a life beyond the relationship, and foster social connections. Lead by example and seek professional help if necessary to address underlying issues. Finally, remember to approach the situation with empathy and support to promote a healthier dynamic.
5. How can I help my girlfriend understand that I need space?
Have open and honest communication and use “I” statements to express your feelings and emotions. Reassure your partner that the space you seek will not diminish your love for them. Listen to her perspective and embrace compromises to gain mutual happiness. Be patient as you navigate the conversation and strive for a balance that respects your needs for personal space while also considering her needs.
Being a clingy girlfriend may do more harm than good to your relationship. You may end up overwhelming him with texts or calls to make him feel special and cared for. Trust him, allow him space and avoid suspicion and the urge to be a part of all his social activities. He may be your world, but you need to have your own life. Indulge in activities and pursue hobbies that add value to your life. You can have a more fulfilling relationship by respecting his need for privacy.
Infographic: Why Does One Become Clingy In A Relationship?
Over attachment in a relationship can not only ruin your mental peace but also destroy a beautiful future you could have had with your partner. If you are tired of your insecurities but cannot help but be clingy, this infographic will give you an insight into what may be causing your clinginess to help you understand and overcome it. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Key Pointers
- Demanding a reply for an unanswered text frequently or showing up to his outing uninvited are a few signs of clinginess.
- If you notice these signs or your partner feels the same, being patient with his approaches may work.
- Create a hobby to keep yourself occupied and give your partner their space while you enjoy yours.
Illustration: Signs Of A Clingy Girlfriend And How To Stop Being One
Image: Dall·E/MomJunction Design Team
Feeling overwhelmed by your clingy girlfriend? Don’t know what to do? Find solutions and guidance in this video. Learn effective tips to address the situation and maintain a healthy, balanced relationship.
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. Do you love me? How to stop needing reassurance in a relationship?;
https://twodrifters.us/blog/do-you-love-me.html
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