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Certain rules are essential for the smooth functioning of a family. They help keep the house organized and the family bond intact. Family rules can entail having dinner together, cleaning the house on the weekends, or going on a picnic once a month. If you haven’t set any rules for your family yet, this is the time for that.
In this post, we share some common family rules, tell you how they help keep the family together, and give you tips on ensuring every member follows these rules strictly.
What Are Family Rules?
Family rules are certain statements or instructions about the behavior that is expected of the members, especially children. Family rules can be specific to a situation, such as dining and safety rules, and certain ground rules such as not being violent.
If you are wondering why there should be rules at home, a place where we can be ourselves without really worrying about our behavior, then let’s explain the need for having rules in the family.
Why Should A Family Have Rules?
Often we hear people saying, “He comes from a good family.” So, what makes a ‘good family’? Having set rules and policies at home is one of the foundations for a good family.
A family, which has a set of rules, is most likely to be successful. Moreover, rules are not restricted to children alone as they apply to adults as well. When we have rules set by the state and our work place, then why not we have a few at home?
Here’s why all family members should know and follow the rules:
- When all the members follow the rules, it helps them lead a harmonious life, and also each individual knows about their responsibility towards the others in the family.
- Rules help you have discipline in life, learn obedience, and make your daily routine predictable and smooth.
- Following rules at home will help you and your children follow them at other places too.
- Children understand which behavior is ‘okay’ and which is ‘not okay’.
- Children are tempted to break rules; the flip side is that they get to understand the consequences of breaking rules so that they don’t break them in the future.
- The rules should apply equally to everyone in the family lest
- Your child gets mixed messages about them. For example, you have a rule, ‘no yelling,’ but you yell at your kids; you have a rule ‘no eating on the couch,’ but you eat on the couch sometimes. This doesn’t send the right message to your kid.
So, convinced about the need for family rules? Then let’s move on to see the rules that you could have for your family.
Common Family Rules
Irrespective of the family type, here are the common family rules that you may have:
1. Have your meals together:
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“A family that eats together stays together.” Eating together as a family helps you bond and share your experiences with each other. However, have these rules during mealtime:
- Have your meal at the dining table and not on the couch.
- Ensure the television is off while you are eating.
- Keep your mobiles away from the dining table, or you will be tempted to keep checking on them.
- Assign your children the responsibility of setting up the table.
- Instruct your children to focus on eating and chewing their food and not play while eating.
- Tell your kids not to talk when their mouths are full.
- Serve only so much food that you want to eat, don’t waste. It will also help your kids realize the importance of food.
- Don’t rush the dinner time; this is the time you get to discuss what happened during the day so take it at a medium pace.
- If it is not possible to have a family dinner every day, have it as many times as possible in a week.
- Skipping meals is not allowed unless there is a valid reason such as ill health.
- Clear your plate after eating.
- Put the plates in the dishwasher after clearing.
2. Follow the road safety rules:
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It’s better to be safe than sorry. No matter how urgent your work is, you must follow these safety rules:
- Buckle up your seat belts before you drive.
- Ensure the doors are locked and the child lock is working.
- Do not take phone calls or text messages while driving.
- If you are traveling with an infant, secure them in the car seat with the belt buckled in.
- Instruct your kids not to distract you while driving, by making too much noise or quarreling.
- Tell all members of the family to watch out for each other; if someone breaks the road rules, the others will remind them.
These safety rules have to be always followed, whether traveling in your own car or with someone else.
3. Be polite, respectful, and compassionate:
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Make it a practice to speak politely whether it’s with your family members or outsiders. Remember these points:
- It might be difficult to speak softly when you are angry, but don’t yell no matter what. Make a conscious effort to do so and practice breathing exercises to calm down.
- Teach your kids better ways of handling their anger and frustration such as giving them a time-out, drawing to express their anger, or counting numbers to ten.
- Explain to your kids the importance of the three golden words, please, thank you and sorry.
- Help them channelize their energies and emotions through useful activities.
- The simple way to teach your kids to speak politely is to set an example. Parents are the first teachers to children, so when they see you talking politely, they will learn to do so.
- Teach your kids to respect elders, care for them and be compassionate towards the needy and animals.
4. Share the household chores:
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It’s a tedious process to clean up your home after a tiring day. Sharing the chores will ease up the burden.
- Share the cleaning tasks; one can take up vacuuming, another can wash the dishes, and the rest can change the sheets or do laundry.
- Keep the things, such as keys, remote, and dishes, in their place to avoid chaos the next day.
- Don’t rush the things next day. Keep the stuff, such as chopped veggies, ironed clothes, and shoes, ready for the next day.
5. Seek permission or inform before stepping out:
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You need to define boundaries and guidelines to make sure that everyone stays within them. Here are a few:
- Teach your kids to inform you or take your permission before they go out.
- Tell them that they can go out only when you or your spouse permits them; they can’t choose to go somewhere else from there. If they plan to, they must inform you about it.
- Make sure you have the contact numbers of the parents/guardians of your children’s friends.
- Give your numbers to your children before they leave, or even better let them know your numbers by heart.
- If you have younger children, tell them not to entertain strangers and shout for help if they sense danger.
6. Hygiene:
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Hygiene starts at home. Practicing these hygiene rules will help your kids stay safe and also imbibe them in their daily life:
- Tell them to wash hands before and after eating food and after using the toilet.
- Keep a hand sanitizer while you travel and let your kids carry one to school. They may use the sanitizer before eating their snack and lunch.
- Teach your kids to cover their nose and mouth when they sneeze or cough to prevent the spreading of the infection.
- Clear the waste bins every day.
- Flush the toilet after use.
Other General Family Rules
- Turn off the lights when you leave the room.
- Dry the towels after you use them.
- Turn off the television if you are not watching.
- Put your clothes in the laundry basket.
- Put your shoes in the shoe rack.
- Check if the door is locked before you leave.
- Put things back in their designated places such as keys, bags, and books.
- Wind up the toys or games after playing.
- Wait for your turn to talk while in a conversation with your parents or a group.
Rules bring order and accountability to our lives. But how do you go about defining the family rules? Let’s help you understand the process:
Steps In Defining Family Rules
For defining any rule, there has to be proper planning and execution. Family rules are no exception. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends the below steps for defining your family rules:
- Identify the rules: Sit with your partner and identify the rules. The list can be endless but prioritize the rules such as safety, dinner time, or hygiene rules. It can also be specific to behaviors that are not acceptable, such as spilling water, hitting, biting, throwing or jumping on the bed. Start with the problem behaviors you want to address.
- Explain the rules: After you define the rule, explain it and ensure that your child understands the rule. If you have a rule, “no spanking,” you have to explain what is spanking. Tell them why they should not spank.
- Enforce the consequences for breaking the rules: When rules are made, you should also decide the consequences for breaking the rule or authority. When the rules are broken, the consequences should be enforced immediately for the rule to be effective. For example, if your child hit his sibling, then he gets a timeout for five minutes or loses a certain privilege.
- Follow the rules: Children learn by imitation. So, you should be exemplary in your behavior for your children to be the same. For example: when you are respectful to others, your children tend to respect their elders.
Note that the rules cannot be rigid. They may be relaxed under some special circumstances. Also, they need to be changed as your children grow. Rules for a toddler may not be the same as those for an older child. So, begin by knowing from when you can set rules for your kid.
When should you start making rules?
You can start defining rules when your child acquires language skills and starts understanding your tone of language and communication within the family. Let’s look at how you need to make rules at two crucial stages in a child’s life:
Toddlerhood (2-5 years):
Toddlers lack self-control and are still in the training stage. They are most often in a playful mood and tend to forget the rules. They need support and reminders to follow the rules. You need to be strict and cautious with them, especially with the safety rules, like ‘staying away from fire and electricity’.
Children with special needs might require extra support and help to understand and remember the rules.
School-aged/older children (6-12 years):
As children grow up, you need to make new rules appropriate to their age. Don’t have high expectations, it can make it difficult for them to follow. Involving them in making new rules helps them understand the rules better.
You can reinforce the habit by rewarding them for following the rules. Don’t use punitive methods as consequences for breaking the rules as the children are still young. Refraining from privileges should be a good consequence at this age.
Quick tipTeenage (13- 18 years):
Involving teens while making rules helps them be responsible for their behavior. They want freedom and independence in everything they do and when their freedom is restricted, they rebel and try breaking the rules. Besides, they might be sandwiched between family rules and peer pressure. This poses a great challenge for parents.
To make sure that your teen follows the rules, involve them in making the family rules. Encourage their participation so that they understand the purpose of having rules and value teamwork.
Rules on curfews have to be imposed, while you need to have a discussion on sex and alcohol.
Some families even have contracts for safety rules at home for kids – a written agreement that lists the rules the child should follow.
Rules evolve as your child grows from a toddler through to teenager, and you, as a parent, need to make sure that they are effective at every stage of your child’s life.
Effectiveness Of Rules
Rules are as effective as you make and back them up. While making your rules, you also need to decide on a consequence for breaking the rule and ensure that all the family members agree on it. For example, when your child breaks the rule, don’t just give him another chance; instead, make him face the consequence of breaking the rule.
You need to start implementing the consequences as early as three years, so that when your child becomes a teenager, there is an agreement on the rules and the consequences of breaking them.
Similarly, when children follow the rules, it is essential to acknowledge that achievement to encourage them to stick to their obedience and good behavior. In this context, Pamela, a mother of a girl named V and a blogger, shares how she and her husband use positive reinforcements for their daughter’s good behavior. She writes, “V has responded positively to her rules, often reciting them back to us when we have ‘behavioral discussions.’ She proudly tells us, ‘I followed my rules! No hitting, no biting, no kicking!’ when she has a particularly great stretch of kind behavior. We make sure to reinforce those times with specific, positive praise so she knows that we are proud of her kind and loving actions, too! (i).”
Mere involvement of your family members in establishing house rules for kids might not ensure that they follow the rules. You need to do more to get them to follow the rules in unity..
Tips For Making Your Family Follow The Rules
Getting your family to follow the rules is not as difficult as you might think. The following tips can help you motivate them:
- Sit down and discuss before you form the rules. Don’t make so many rules that your family feels overwhelmed. Don’t let the ‘don’ts’ outweigh the ‘do’s’.
- Remember that toddlers and preschoolers can take in only two to three rules at a given time. Start with one and add rules as they grow. This gives them the opportunity to learn the rules and understand how the family rules work.
- Prepare a chart with rules on one side and consequences of breaking the rules on the other. Use pictures to represent them so that your children can understand them easily. Involve your child in making the chart and explain it to them. This will ensure their cooperation.
Sharing her approach to teaching their daughter rules, Pamela adds, “Our daughter, much like her parents, learns through story-telling and reading as well as her real-life experiences. We have selected some social stories to help our little one learn about rules and have found them to be a helpful tool when discussing positive ways to handle emotions, the impact on others when rules are broken, and establishing what kind and helpful behavior looks like.”
- Stick the rules chart at a place, such as a refrigerator or their room door, where your child can see them.
- If you have any differences with your partner regarding the rules, resolve the differences before they turn out to be conflicts.
- Rules are for everybody in the family, don’t take advantage of your position to break them.
- Make rules that are age-appropriate for your children, and are easy to follow.
- Avoid ambiguous rules such as ‘talk properly’ which can mean many things and can be difficult for the child to understand. Instead have a clear rule stating ‘say please, thank you, welcome while talking to others’.
- Children try to take advantage of grandparents and caretakers, and break the rules. Make sure everyone in the family is consistent with the rules.
- When you see your child following the rules, you can reinforce that behavior by rewarding or praising them.
When you realize that having rules makes your life easier, you will be motivated to stick to them.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What are social rules in a family?
Meeting and greeting others politely, waiting for your turn to talk, paying attention to others, being considerate about others before acting, and cooperating with others are some essential social rules that all children should learn (1).
2. Why is it important to obey rules and regulations at home?
Following rules at home is essential because it teaches children to differentiate between good and bad behaviors. Children who follow the rules at home conduct themselves well even when outside and not under parental supervision (2).
3. What consequences can be implemented if family rules are broken?
When family rules are broken, consequences can vary depending on the child’s age, the severity of the rule violation, the family’s values, and the disciplinary approach chosen by the parents or guardians. A simple reminder or discussion about the rule violation can be an initial consequence, especially for minor or unintentional infractions. Implementing a time-out involves temporarily separating the family member from the rest of the household or a specific activity. This consequence can be effective for younger children who need a brief break to reflect on their behavior and regain self-control.
4. Can family rules change over time? If so, how can parents communicate those changes to their children?
Family rules can change over time as circumstances evolve, children grow older, and new challenges or priorities arise. It is important for parents to effectively communicate these changes to their children. Hold regular family meetings to discuss important matters, including rule changes. Create a safe, open space where everyone can express their thoughts and concerns. Recognize that children may have questions or concerns about the rule changes. Be open to discussing their perspectives and making adjustments if necessary.
It is essential to put down specific family rules in the house to ensure the smooth functioning of the household and also to give all the family members a united front. It is also vital that you explain the importance of these rules and how they improve managing situations instead of just imposing a rule upon them. Teach your little one that family is an essential thing in one’s life and also that they represent their family everywhere you go. Thus, having good family values goes a long way in leading a well-balanced life.
Infographic: Why Are Family Rules Necessary?
One can live a disciplined life with the help of rules and regulations. In a family, rules ensure a proper structure and teach children appropriate manners. Let’s take a look at the infographic below to learn the importance of rules in a family. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Key Pointers
- Family rules are statements or instructions for expected behavior, specific to a situation or certain ground rules.
- Having family rules promotes a harmonious life, teaches responsibility and consequences, provides discipline, and sets expectations.
- Common family rules include having meals together, following road safety rules, and being polite, respectful, and compassionate.
- Other general family rules are cleaning the house on weekends and going on picnics once a month.
- Defining family rules involves identifying, explaining, enforcing consequences, and being an example.
- Effective rules are clear, fair, consistent, flexible, adjusted for growth, and age-appropriate.
Illustration: Family Rules Essential For A Disciplined And Harmonious Life
Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team
Discover the importance of house rules for a stress-free home. Learn how simple guidelines can reduce stress, conflict, and yelling, while promoting harmony and a smoothly functioning home.
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. Family Rules!https://therippleeffect2009.wordpress.com/2012/07/09/family-rules/
References
- 5 “unwritten” social rules that some kids miss
https://www.understood.org/en/articles/5-unwritten-social-rules - Creating Rules.
https://www.cdc.gov/parents/essentials/toddlersandpreschoolers/structure/rules.html
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