Image: Midjourney/ MomJunction Design Team
Love is a complex feeling. In some scenarios, even though you may feel it is going in the right direction, you may stride into a forbidden path with or without your conscience. One such situation is dating a married woman. Being involved in a romantic relationship with a married woman can be complicated and pose serious consequences.
Nonetheless, if you develop feelings for a married woman and sense that she reciprocates, you must be aware of these important points before getting romantically involved with her.
This post gives you some critical details regarding the challenges and emotional stress that one must consider before dating a married woman.
Key Pointers
- Dating a married woman may be complicated and seldom has a future.
- You cannot expect the relationship to be normal and should be prepared to detach at any point.
- If you both are ready to adjust and clear on your boundaries, you may still have a relationship.
Is It Okay To Date A Married Woman?
The simple and short answer is no. It is complicated and not worth the risk and heartache to get into a relationship with a married woman. Becoming the third person in a marriage is not an option for a peaceful life. You might have started seeing a married woman with a distant hope that someday she might leave her husband for you. But what if it doesn’t happen and she leaves you with a broken heart?
If a partner is cheating on the spouse, it probably means they are running away from a relationship problem. But instead of confronting it, they choose to distract themselves with an extra-marital affair since it is a route to a momentary escape from reality. A research study found that 21% of men and 13% of women admitted to infidelity at some point in their lives (1). In case the couple ever decides to resolve their issues, you might find yourself at the losing end of this bargain.
But despite the risks, if you still find the idea of dating a married woman too tempting to let go, you should know its limitations. Also, you may have to follow a few rules.
15 Things To Consider When Dating A Married Woman
Here are a few points to keep in mind if you are dating a married woman.
1. Do not keep expectations
It is clear to understand—do not hold any expectations from a married woman. If you love her sincerely, you may think she might divorce her husband and leave her family for you. Even if she tells you the same explicitly, there is no guarantee about it. So, if you decide to get into a relationship, do not expect anything.
2. Do not expect to have a normal relationship
A relationship with a married woman is not usual. You cannot go out on dates or hold hands in public. Each time you meet her, you both might fear that it could be the last time you are together. The fear of being caught and the uncertain nature of the relationship can eventually take a toll on your romance and relationship. Secrecy becomes paramount when dating a married woman to protect both parties involved and maintain privacy.
3. Remember you could be her revenge affair
She must be having an extra-marital affair because they suspect their husband of the same. They keep a relationship outside marriage only to get revenge upon their spouse for their infidelity and betrayal. So, do not feed the fantasy that she loves you and will be with you forever. You are probably a way for her to get revenge on her husband.
4. Know that you only add spice to her life
Some partners who got bored of their marital life tend to look for a temporary relationship outside marriage. Loneliness may be a driving force for a married woman seeking companionship outside her marriage. She might be looking for something she lacks in her married life, such as intimacy and pleasure. It’s possible that she may become disinterested in you and either return to her spouse or engage in adultery with someone else.
Point to consider5. Decide the type of relationship you want
In an intimate relationship, feelings are natural to develop over time. You need to clarify what kind of a relationship you are signing up for. Do not lead her on and then back out. Don’t make promises you cannot keep.
6. Be discreet
Complete indiscretion is a non-negotiable element in an extra-marital affair. You do not know where your dating with a married woman might lead to and whether it would be a success or not. Therefore, avoid sharing about it with others to reduce suspicion. Restraint is essential in maintaining a discreet relationship with a married woman, as it helps avoid unnecessary risks or emotional complications.
7. Be prepared for confrontation
There are chances that someday your affair will be discovered by her family or your folks, so you should be prepared to handle the accusations and confrontation. Tragedy may unfold if the affair with a married woman is discovered, leading to emotional pain and upheaval for all parties involved. It could be especially tricky if the woman’s husband sets out to teach you a lesson out of anger and jealousy. You may have to explain yourself multiple times, and it can be exhausting for you.
8. Remember her family will always be her priority
You might have planned a beautiful date with her and informed her weeks in advance. But on the day, she chooses to be with her child or her mother-in-law and cancels your date. It shows her family is her priority, and not you.
9. Be prepared to detach at any point
At some point in life, when she starts feeling tired of having a secret relationship with you, she might break the bond and get away from you. If you were emotionally attached to her, you might end up with a broken heart after separation. To avoid heartache, you should resist the temptation and avoid getting too attached to her.
10. Understand her feelings for her husband
While spending time with you, does she mention her husband a lot? For instance, you tell her about your trip to Japan, and she says her husband got her a kimono from Japan. If she mentions her husband often, it means he is on her mind most of the time, and she misses him.
11. Do not invade her personal space
If you are for her, do not make the mistake of visiting her workplace or home. It will jeopardize your place in her life. That’s another limitation of dating a married woman, as you have to be conscious about every step you take.
12. Do not fall for her
It may so happen that what started as a friendly arrangement could end up in a one-sided love affair. If you start developing feelings for her, ask yourself if there is any future. If not, you will have to address your feelings soon before everything gets complicated for you.
13. Figure out if she is using you to vent out
If she cries and complains about her husband, she might be using you as an outlet to vent out her disappointments and frustrations. She needs someone to talk to. Once she is done venting, she may not be concerned about you. Or she may leave you with a ‘thank you’ or ‘sorry’ note.
14. Accept its temporary nature
Dating a married woman comes with a deadline that is a hard pill to swallow. It is not something that will last years. She will eventually return to her husband and family, so there is no point in investing time, energy, and money into it.
Cager Johnson, a blogger, shares his experience of dating a married woman and how the affair was short-lived, with no intentions of her leaving her husband and family. He reflects, “It’ll come as no surprise that during the course of our affair we’d created this aspiration that we’d be together; she’d leave her husband, and we’d move in together, go public, etc. And at the end of our afternoon/evening together, she’d tell me good bye till next time. It was straight out of the Eagle’s song “Lying Eyes.” After two years, a part-time relationship wasn’t hitting all the spots for me, and I made my discontent known but nothing changed. And why should it? I mean, there was a ton of drama there and that should have been a red flag for me but otherwise, Alison’s needs were being met. Her husband kept her and her kids financially secure, and when she wanted to go to the cheating side of town, there was me. So I started going on dates; I can recall three women I dated off the top of my head. One of them ended up becoming my wife. Alison found out about the relationship, and we had a bit of a blow out (i).”
15. Do not give up on a chance for commitment
When involved with a married lady, if you happen to have a shot at real love, then grab it with both hands and leave this affair in your past. Do not act foolish and hope that the married lady will leave her family and come to you. It is a distant dream. So, never say no to real love when you come across it.
Consequences Of Dating A Married Woman
Dating a married woman can lead various emotional, social, and ethical complexities. Below are some potential consequences to consider.
- Emotional consequences: Affairs often bring feelings of guilt, anxiety, and stress due to the betrayal involved. Emotional attachment can develop, yet the relationship may have no future, leaving one person heartbroken when it ends. Sharing a partner with her spouse can also lead to jealousy and feelings of inadequacy (2).
- Damaged relationships: The affair can erode trust among all parties involved—between the woman and her spouse, as well as between the person dating her and future partners. Past infidelity can lead to trust issues in future relationships .
- Social consequences: Society often looks down upon affairs, resulting in judgment, criticism, and alienation from friends and family. The affair can damage one’s personal and professional reputation if it becomes public.
- Legal risks: If the affair is discovered, it could complicate divorce proceedings and lead to legal disputes.
- Family impact: If the woman has children, the affair can cause emotional harm to them and strain family dynamics (2).
- Uncertainty and lack of commitment: The married woman may ultimately prioritize her family, leaving the other person uncertain. Affairs may not result in long-term relationships, leading to separation and disappointment.
- Moral and ethical conflicts: Engaging in an affair conflicts with values like loyalty and respect. Many people regret being involved in such relationships once they realize the harm done to others.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How do I know if a married woman loves me?
If a married woman is interested in ways other than just friendship, you may look for these signs- prefers to go out with you rather than her husband, is curious to learn more about you, steals glances at you. She also compliments you, pays keen attention to your appearance, and rants with you about her husband and family.
2. Can extramarital affairs be true love?
True love stands on honesty, commitment, and respect within a mutually agreed-upon relationship. Although a couple in an extramarital affair may feel strong emotions towards each other, it will always have a hint of regret, guilt, and betrayal, thus losing the sanctity of true love. Hence, it is important to communicate openly and address the issue before starting something new.
3. What is inappropriate flirting when married?
Inappropriate flirting when married involves engaging in explicit or suggestive conversations, teasing each other about their bodies, crossing personal boundaries such as touching or brushing against each other and showing a romantic or sexual interest outside the bounds of the marriage.
4. How long do extramarital affairs usually last?
The duration of extramarital affairs can vary widely, ranging from short-term flings that last a few weeks or months to long-term affairs that persist for years, depending on the individuals involved and the circumstances surrounding the affair.
5. Why do married women get into extramarital affairs?
Married women may find themselves in extramarital affairs for various reasons, and it is often tied to complex emotions. Sometimes, they might feel neglected or unfulfilled in their marriage, seeking emotional connection or validation outside. Others might be looking for excitement or passion that seems missing. Issues like communication problems or feeling stuck can also add up to this. Each person’s situation is unique, and there is usually a mix of personal, relational, and situational factors at play. It is important to approach these situations with empathy and understanding, fostering open communication and addressing underlying issues within the marriage for potential resolution (3).
6. What is the emotional toll of dating a married woman?
When you get involved with a married woman, it can cause a lot of emotional turmoil for both parties. You may feel guilty for being a homewrecker or jealous when she focuses on her spouse and family. You may also feel insecure, thinking the relationship may end at any time. Thus, you must weigh the pros and cons and consider whether such anxieties are worth it.
7. What are the societal perceptions of dating a married woman?
As is the case with any other extra-marital relationship, dating a married woman is seen as taboo. You may be judged harshly for being involved with a married woman and potentially destroying her relationships with her partner and family. Your friends and colleagues may avoid you or boycott you when they find out, and you may also fall out with your family. So, before entering such a relationship, consider whether the benefits of associating with a married person outweigh your social life and mental health.
The thought and experience of getting involved or dating a married man or woman might seem interesting, but it comes with its fair share of complications and difficulties. The most important thing you should remember is that compromising on everything for this affair is not worth the risk, and it is purely temporary. Therefore, it is advised that you prepare yourself for confrontation soon and if you happen to find a true chance at love while in the affair, do not let it go.
Infographic: Things To Consider When Dating A Married Woman
Love can happen to anyone. But if the person you love happens to be a married woman, it may be much more challenging than a magical experience. So before you start anything together, consider going through this infographic to understand how your relationship may be and what to expect from it. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Illustration: Dating A Married Woman: 15 Things You Need To Know
Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team
Dating a married woman can be tricky. Learn the tips and tricks to navigate this complex situation in this informative video.
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. What I learned having affairs with married womenhttps://cagerjohnson.medium.com/what-i-learned-having-affairs-with-married-women-9e00f407d2bd
References
- Extramarital sex partners likely to be close friends and men are more apt to cheat
https://www.colorado.edu/asmagazine/2018/04/04/extramarital-sex-partners-likely-be-close-friends-and-men-are-more-apt-cheat - Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10002055/#:~:text=Infidelity%20may%20not%20only%20haveself%2Desteem%20%5B3%5D. - A qualitative study investigating the decision-making process of women’s participation in marital infidelity.
https://krex.k-state.edu/bitstream/handle/2097/2171/MichelleJeanfreau2009.pdf
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