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You fought and have decided to part ways. But letting go of someone special and moving on is easier said than done. So if you are thinking of getting back together after separation, here are some tips to help you with the reunifying and rekindling process.
Various reasons can prevent you from going back, but the heart can still long for them and crave their love, touch, and care. While some separations may lead to divorce, others look for starting afresh and consider reconciliation.
In this post, you will learn about the chances of getting back together and ways that can help you through it.
Is It Possible To Get Back After Separation?
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Yes, some couples do give their marriage a second chance. However, reconciliation requires both partners to commit to change and work through their issues. If you still love and care for your spouse, reconciling could be a meaningful step. Separation often gives individuals the space to reflect on the importance of their partner and even forgive past grievances. If both of you are ready to move forward, reconciliation can offer an opportunity to renew and reaffirm your commitment.
You may have chosen separation over divorce because you probably wished things worked out and that you could get back to staying and reintegrating into your spouse’s life. And that thinking could become a reality once you are entirely sure about reuniting with your spouse. Spending time apart could give you a new perspective to look at life with your spouse. Before moving ahead, it is better to be certain that you do want to reunite with your partner.
Can You Reconcile After Separation? Factors To Consider
The decision to separate or reconcile should not be made overnight. You would have to be certain whether you want to reunite with your spouse or not. We have listed out a few questions that you may ask yourself before moving ahead.
1. What was the cause of separation?
You might look for ways on how to get your husband back, but before you start working towards it, consider the reason you separated in the first place. If the reason for separation was lies, never-ending fights, and conflicts, then getting back together may seem too complicated. If you and your spouse needed some space and time apart to reevaluate how you felt for each other or to figure out what you want from the relationship, then you could think of reconciliation.
2. Are you sure you can forgive and move on?
Your separation might have seen some heated arguments from both sides, and some negativity (words or acts) could still be lingering on your mind. If your partner has done or said something hurtful, ask yourself if you can really forgive that and go back to loving them. Are you ready to forget what happened and move ahead?
Do remember3. Do you have the potential to resolve problems?
The reason behind separation could be disagreements. And they might occur again. How would you manage them this time? Would you just give up? Would you be open to new ideas and try to understand your partner’s views better? If you think you can make these disagreements work whenever possible, then reconciling would seem to be a good idea.
4. Do you feel positive in their presence?
A supportive partner would make you confident and keep you happy. If your spouse always respects your opinions and their presence makes you feel relaxed, and you miss those moments, then you may want to rejoin them and reestablish your relationship.
If you do want to make your marriage work again, here are a few tips that can help.
Tips For Getting Back Together After Separation
You and your spouse might have decided on separation after months of arguments and tensions. But now your feelings have changed, and you wish to get back to your married life with your partner. If both you and your partner feel the same and want to give your marriage another try, then these tips are for you.
1. Be honest with yourself
You want to get back together and you are sure it will work. In case you have doubts or are confused, it is better to take a step back and get some clarity first. If possible, talk to someone who knows you and your spouse better, but do not hide anything from your partner.
2. Clear communication
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It is essential to have transparent communication with your spouse so that both of you know what you are looking for and expecting from each other after getting back together. It also helps in developing a close bond between you and your partner. This could also help you not to repeat the mistakes that you made before separation.
Lynn White and her husband, parents of six, describe in detail how they decided not to separate with less than a week remaining before their divorce. Lynn says, “You (her husband) came over, and you stayed up until about 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning and we just talked.” Her husband continues, “We talked about every little detail, every bad decision that we made and explained why we made them. And just by the end of the conversation I remember, and I don’t know if you thought this way, and I was like well I haven’t changed how I know that I feel on the inside but I know the decisions I’m making on the outside are because of the fear and because of the anxiety… So by the end, we had the conversation Thursday or Friday, we talked all night, and then by Sunday we decided we were getting back together.”
They emphasize that reconciliation is attainable through honest, open, and effective communication. Additionally, they highlighted the vital role of counseling in the process (i).
Point to consider3. Slow down to make things work
Going in and out of the marriage without giving much thought and acting hastily is not a good idea. You might have decided on separation in haste. But when trying to get back together after sepration, it is important to address emotional wounds from the past.
Instead of constantly texting, calling, or going on dates, give yourself the time to process feelings of anger, sadness, or betrayal. This can help you to approach the relationship with a fresh perspective and reduces the likelihood of repeating past mistakes.
4. Be acceptable of the new
You should accept the fact that everything is not going to be the same as it was before. You should be prepared to face the new changes in your marriage. For example, you may get to see a change in your partner’s behavior or habits. That’s normal. Life teaches many lessons when you are alone and away from your spouse. So be ready to accept some new things, including that you may not want if you want the marriage to work this time around.
5. Give priority to your marriage
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When you are giving your marriage a second chance or are trying to fix a broken relationship, make it a priority. It means prioritizing your spouse and marriage over friends, work, egos, and other things in life. This feeling should come from both the committed parties so that your new relationship is built on a healthy foundation.
6. Be expressive
When you get back together after separation, you should not hide or suppress feelings and emotions. Be honest and let them know how you feel – do not act on the emotions, as that could be detrimental to this new union when both of you could be vulnerable. At the same time, hiding your feelings will not help the relationship.
The more expressive you two are about how you feel and what you want, the better it is for the relationship.
7. Think practically
While it is necessary to express your emotions, try not to let your emotions get the best of you. You might be hurt, sad, frustrated, and going through a lot of feelings. But don’t drown yourself in them. If you still love your partner as you did and you feel that they love you too, then that feeling should be heard and acknowledged.
At the same time, you also need to think practically. Not all feelings may need to be expressed the same way – some may be temporary and may pass soon. But if you are not happy, and life seems difficult, think practically and talk to your spouse instead of sulking or hoping it will get better on its own.
8. Don’t dig the past
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You have made up your mind to move on and get along with your spouse after separation. Then there is no point in looking back. One of the common mistakes that couples make when trying to get back is to talk about the past. Before they realize, they end up blaming each other and create another mess in their relationship.
So, it is better to move forward positively and talk about your future and make mutual plans to avoid the mistakes from before.
9. Start everything fresh
One of the easy ways to get back to your spouse after separation is by starting anew. Why not forget the past, be kind and respectful to each other, and plan special dates? Learn how to reconnect with your spouse. Have fun, try to know about each other, figure out what has changed and what has not, and begin a new journey of marriage all over again and rekindle your love.
10. Learn from the past
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Most separated couples find it challenging to get back together because they carry baggage on their shoulders. There could be anger, guilt, stress, and frustration.
Both of you might have made mistakes that led you towards separation. You must have realized those mistakes when you were away from your spouse. Keep them in mind and see that they are not repeated.
Quick tip11. Consider your children
It could be complicated when you have children. If they were too young when you got separated, then they might not remember what happened. But if they are mature enough to understand what is happening, they would have plenty of questions in mind.
In that case, you and your partner should talk to your children and help them deal with their feelings. Try to answer all of their questions so that they understand you and your relationship.
12. Don’t rush into physical intimacy
Take your time before getting physically intimate with your partner. Focus on reconnecting emotionally before getting physical. Give yourself time to get comfortable with each other so that you can enjoy the romance better. This will help you rebuild trust and start fresh. Communicating what you want and do not want is also important.
13. Plan a getaway together
A getaway can be a good way to hit the refresh button after a separation. It helps you spend quality time together and reconnect with each other. The shared experiences away from routine help strengthen your bond, creating a relaxed atmosphere for open communication and the revival of romance.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Can couples get back together after months apart?
Relationships can sometimes be healed with time and distance. The time spent away from one another allows individuals to work on themselves, correct their mistakes and even understand each other better. When couples break up but stay in contact, they often realize they were meant to be together as they start missing each other and the good times spent as a couple. Even though they have been apart for a long period, many couples reconcile.
2. What should not be done during temporary separation?
Some mistakes you should avoid making during the temporary separation phase include making it public, jumping into another relationship, rushing for a breakup, cutting off all communication channels, and signing any legal document without hiring a lawyer or representative.
3. How long should I be separated before getting back together?
There is no fixed time for which a couple should remain separated. The couple needs to focus on personal growth, healing, and addressing the issues that led to the separation. Only when you both feel ready, have communicated effectively, and resolved underlying problems should they consider getting back together.
4. Does time apart strengthen a relationship?
Time apart can help strengthen a relationship only if it has been used to gain perspective, reflect on their own needs and desires, and work on personal growth. Simply being apart without addressing underlying issues may not help the relationship. A relationship can be strengthened only with effective communication and sincere efforts.
5. What are the common mistakes people make when trying to get back together after a separation?
The first mistake is rushing back together without addressing the underlying issues that led to the separation. Holding onto past mistakes or refusing to forgive is also a mistake that couples make. Lack of effective communication and ignoring personal growth can reduce the chance of a successful reunion.
6. Should I try to get back with my ex after a separation, or is it better to move on?
Before you get back with your ex, you need to remind yourself of the reason why you were separated from them. Has the reason been resolved successfully? If not, find a way to resolve your differences before getting back together. If you see no solution to your problem and feel there is nothing you can do to save the relationship, you can consider moving on.
7. Can counseling or therapy help couples get back together after a separation?
Counseling can provide a safe space for both partners to express their feelings, emotions, and concerns. A professional can help identify patterns that contributed to the separation and facilitate discussions that may be difficult to have alone. With expert guidance, you can also set clear goals for the relationship moving forward and stay focused on making things work.
8. Should I apologize to my ex before trying to get back together after a separation?
When contemplating reconciliation with an ex-spouse, you may need to revisit aspects of your divorce settlement, including property division, alimony, and child custody. If you intend to change the terms of your divorce or formalize your reunion under new legal terms, you may need to file for modifications in court to ensure legal recognition.
If you choose to get back together after separation, you both should be on the same page, willing to give mutual efforts and understanding. Sometimes small but persistent arguments can drain the life out of a marriage. In such a scenario, if you still love your spouse the same, then taking some time away while recollecting your thoughts can be a good idea. Keep the above tips in mind as you proceed towards rebuilding your marriage, and remember to take things slow for a happy and healthy relationship.
Infographic: Getting Back Together While Your Spouse Doesn’t
Sometimes after separation, one of the spouses realizes they cannot live without the other and wants to reconcile, but the other partner does not feel the same and has moved on. If you are facing a similar situation where you want to reconcile, but your ex-spouse doesn’t, this infographic may help you deal with it. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Key Pointers
- It is possible to reconcile after separation if you resolve your problems and start afresh.
- Reestablishing communication and keeping a positive outlook can be the key factors in getting back together.
- Learn from the past and prioritize your relationship.
Illustration: Tips To Get Back Together After Separation
Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team
Explore the intricacies of breakups leading to couple reconciliations in this insightful video. Discover signs, reasons, and the potential for rekindling love.
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. Our reconciliation story.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_obJPpmpD7A
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