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If your girlfriend has been hinting at a lack of breathing space, you might get all apprehensive because you fear losing her. Understanding the importance of giving her space is essential to ensure a healthy relationship.
Most men become anxious about their relationship status and jump to serious conclusions, such as a breakup, when their girlfriend asks for space. While sometimes space may mean the end of the relationship, often, it just means she needs an exemption. When you give your girlfriend or wife space, she gets the time and freedom to pursue her interests and passions without the pressure to be in contact constantly.
Striking a balance is an important part of a relationship. While giving too much space might pull you apart, offering too little can stifle her. So, if you are confused about how much space to give to your girlfriend, this post offers some effective tips on the topic.
Key Pointers
- It is important to give a girl space in a relationship to enhance her personality and reduce co-dependency.
- She may ask you for space if she wants independence, is too overwhelmed by other tasks, or is angry about something.
- You can give her space by letting her enjoy her me-time, respecting her needs, and being supportive.
Why Giving A Girl Space Is Important?
Your girlfriend or wife needs personal space to flourish and grow as a person. Most women dislike clinginess or excessive neediness. A study of 1403 participants from China and Greece identified several factors that cause strain in romantic relationships. Among them, the highest-rated ones included clinginess, long work hours, and lack of personal time and space. Women rated clinginess much higher than men, and younger couples cited a lack of personal time and space as the main reasons for their relationship problems (1).
Giving your girlfriend or wife space when she needs it is important as it conveys that you care for her well-being and respect her boundaries. It can make her realize you love and support her and think of her needs, which can strengthen your bond and deepen your trust. Here are a few benefits of giving space to your girl.
1. Retains distinct personality
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While you may work great as a team, you are separate individuals with your interests and independent mindsets. Giving your girlfriend space would mean allowing both of you time to do things that appeal to you and grow as individuals. This will make you two more fulfilled as a team.
2. Allows a breathing room
If you are constantly joint at the hip, the relationship might become too smothering after a while. The flexibility will give her breathing room and reduce excessive codependency in the relationship.
3. Gives her a chance to miss you
If you are always around, she won’t know how it feels without your loving presence. Experiencing seclusion is a good way to make her miss your company and keep the excitement alive.
When Does A Girl Ask For Space?
Here are a few instances when a girl might need a breather.
1. She wants independence
If you have been spending all your time together, your girl may be tired of seeing you and crave some ‘alone time.’ Maybe she wants to meet friends or pursue her hobbies and is not getting time for it because she is with you all the time. She also probably wants to work on her personal goals, recharge, and then return to the relationship with renewed energy.
Did you know?2. She feels suffocated
If you get too possessive and clingy in the relationship, she might take one step back in the relationship. This is a classic sign of an unhealthy relationship, and the more you try to control her, the further she may go away from you.
3. She is angry and is unable to communicate
Maybe you two had a fight, or she asked your help with something, and you didn’t come through. She probably needs a bit of space to get relief from her anger before having a proper discussion with you.
4. She wants a breakup
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A request for privacy can sometimes mean your girl is planning to break up. Maybe you had problems for a while, or she has lost interest in you. In either case, she probably needs a respite to gauge her emotions before she makes the final call.
5. She has too much going on in her life
Sometimes, a girl needs some intermission when she is overwhelmed by too many things, such as a lot of college or work assignments. Or she probably has to manage her issues. Dealing with too much stuff might exhaust her, and she needs to relax.
6. She thinks things are moving too fast
If you two had an intense attraction and got physically or emotionally intimate too quickly, she probably needs emotional space to process her feelings. Maybe she needs time to take back control and think the relationship through.
How To Give Her Space The Right Way: 14 Tips
Giving your girlfriend space will ensure that you two are not truly apart even while away from each other.
1. Discuss the terms of “space”
When the girl asks for space, sit down and discuss the terms of space together. Tell her you support her needs, but calmly enquire how she defines the space. Does she mean she wants more personal time or wants your absence to intrude into her personal space? Or is she looking for a proper break from the relationship? Also, discuss the amount of time she needs.
So, if she brings up needing space, calmly ask her, “Do you mean you need more time for yourself, or do you want to be completely on your own? How long do you think you’ll need?” Based on her answer, decide the next step in your relationship.
2. Keep the conversations light-hearted
If you two have decided to stay in touch during this phase, avoid pestering her about relationship problems or relationship status unless she initiates the topic. Keep your discussions easy and full of banter. You can try some light-hearted flirting, but avoid over-the-top declarations of love. It is crucial to give her the required room, so don’t do anything that will make her feel pressured.
For instance, you could text her a lighthearted joke or a meme that made you think of her. Do not send her anything that pressures her to respond.
3. Stop intruding her time
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If she tells you she is out with her friends or busy with some personal work, let her do her thing. Avoid intervention by constant texting or calling. If she is going out, you can text or call to check if she has reached the location and once more to confirm if she reached home (unless she has specifically told you not to). For the rest of the time, avoid disturbing her.
So, if she tells you she is busy working on a project for her college classes, text her something along the lines of, “Got it, do your best! Let me know if you need anything or want to talk later!” Ensure you do not send her any more follow-up messages.
4. Avoid bombarding her with questions
Trust your girl and avoid bombarding her with questions every time she goes out. Facing a blast of questions such as ‘Where are you going?’ ‘With whom?’ or ‘Why are you wearing this?’ the moment she decides to step out will irritate her. You can ask her questions but don’t ask too many at once, and make sure the timing is right. For example, say, “Okay, enjoy your evening! Let me know if you make it to your destination alright and if you need a ride home or anything else.”
5. Don’t take it to heart
Don’t take it personally if your girl asks for space. You may feel hurt but don’t take it out on her by fighting, cutting off contact, or acting distant. By punishing her, you will only push her away. Believe that this phase of exclusion is good for individual growth and if you two are meant to be together, it will only bring you closer.
So, when she asks for space, don’t react emotionally. Instead, ask her what she needs to feel supported and assure her that you understand and respect her wishes.
6. Respect her wishes
Don’t ignore your girl’s wishes if you want her to be with you. Give her some time off and space she needs. If she requests you not to contact her for a few days, leave her be. If she wants to connect with you on her terms (only on weekends or only virtually), accept them. Avoid pushing her to speak or hang out with you. For example, you may say something like, “I understand. Take your time, and I’ll be here for you whenever you’re ready to reconnect.”
7. Avoid tracking her
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While she is enjoying her space, don’t try to stalk her in person or online. Stop checking her social media. Don’t try to visit her usual spots to run into her. If you find it difficult to contain the temptation of stalking her social media, delete your account for a few days.
You can use this time productively by learning a new skill, working on your hobbies, catching up with friends and family, and focusing on personal growth.
Did you know?8. Show your support with special gestures
You can show your girl that you support her wish for space with some quiet and thoughtful gestures. These will make her feel your love without making you come across as clingy. If she wants to spend time with her friends, book her favorite restaurant or buy movie tickets for the group. A spa or a salon voucher can also be a perfect gift to make your girl feel pampered. You could also send her a surprise care package with her favorite snacks or self-care products to show her how much you think of her.
9. Take time for yourself
While your girl is taking time for herself, you don’t have to put your life on hold. Use this freedom to take time for yourself. Follow your passion, go on a vacation, or discover new interests. Work on your physical and mental fitness. Doing things you love will keep you busy and take your mind off things. For instance, if you like being active, plan a hiking trip with your friends.
10. Don’t be desperate to jump her bones
If you are spending some time apart from each other, it is natural to crave intimacy. However, initiating sex the moment you meet shows desperation, which is a huge turn-off. Maintain some margin, go on a proper date and have a conversation to fill the gap. If she initiates intimacy, you can follow her lead.
So, if you are meeting her after a long break, catch up over coffee and get to know what she’s been up to. This will show her that you care and are still interested in her life, which will ultimately help build intimacy.
11. Spend some time socializing
Instead of worrying about what your girlfriend is doing, hang out with your loved ones. Get in touch with friends and have fun. Spend some time with your family. For instance, you can go on a camping trip with your family or catch a game with your friends. This will improve your mood and also give her the much-needed space. Your happiness is important for the success of your relationship in the long run.
12. Don’t pass judgments
What she does in her free time is up to her. She might want to spend time at home watching Netflix or hit some clubs with friends. Don’t judge or try to control her time. If you tell her not to go somewhere or do something, it will only make her angry. No one likes being controlled. Instead, say something positive or encouraging, like “Looks like you’re having fun! I’m happy that you are enjoying yourself.”
13. Let the relationship move at its natural pace
Just because you are worried you might lose her, don’t question her repeatedly about how much longer she needs space. Avoid trying to forcibly take the relationship to the next level with grand displays of love, proposals, or by asking her to move in. Instead, when you meet, enjoy the moment and let the relationship move at its natural pace. Assure her that her presence is enough and that she does not have to worry about anything else.
14. Be there for her when she needs you
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Space doesn’t mean you two have broken up. You two are still in each other’s life. Let her enjoy her space but be there whenever she needs you. If she plans to go out of town, offer to drop her at the airport or pick her up if she needs it. Don’t push but show that you will be available. If she is working late, let her know that you will pick her up if she wants. If she’s having a hard day, offer to have her favorite meal delivered for dinner.
Mistakes To Avoid In Giving A Girl Space
Here are some common mistakes you may make while giving space to your girlfriend:
- Giving her so much space that she thinks you no longer care for her. So, remember to show her love and appreciation from time to time.
- Giving her so much space that you ignore and neglect your own needs. While you may want to be a supportive partner, communicate your needs for space or support, or you may become resentful.
- Growing apart in terms of career or personal growth while giving space to each other. Continue to move forward in life without stagnation.
- Acting needy and not allowing her emotional space.
- Hoping that giving space will mend a problematic relationship. Moving away from problems will not solve the underlying issues.
Would She Come Back After Giving Space?
Whether she will come back or not depends on factors such as her feelings for you, the reason she needs reclusion, and what happens during this breather. Even if you fully support her and do everything perfectly, it can still go either way. The distance might help her realize that she wants to be with you or give her the clarity that you two are not a good fit. In short, there is no guarantee that your girl will come back to you after the interlude.
However, if you try to convince her that space is not necessary by continuously pestering her in person or by calls or texts, she is bound to get irritated. Space in relationship is important as it allows for personal development and stops partners from becoming overly codependent. If you are too clingy, your actions might push her further away, causing the breakdown of the relationship. Hence the best option is to give your girl space and see where it leads.
Giving space can also help you place things in perspective. Akash Nair M S, a blogger, writes about his own experiences with rollercoaster relationships. He confesses, “As much as I enjoyed the companionship this girl offered, I respected my time too much, and I felt it was time for me to end it, or at least have the series of uncomfortable conversations that usually culminate in the termination of a relationship.
“I gave her some breathing space, and after some time, when I noticed that things were continuing to head south, I knew it was time to pull the plug. All the similarities that I shared with the girl weren’t enough to sustain the relationship (i).”
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How long should I give her space?
While no definite amount of time is suggested, you will need to give her a few days or weeks of space, depending on the issue. However, do not prolong it for too long.
2. Is giving a girl space a good idea?
Yes, whether you’re in a long-term relationship or she’s been a little confused lately, giving some space will make her miss you. It will also mean permitting her to grow independently and reduce the co-dependency on each other.
3. How much space should you give your partner?
The amount of space you should give your partner can vary depending on the individuals involved and the dynamics of your relationship. Nonetheless, it’s crucial to respect your partner’s boundaries and allow them the freedom to have their own time and activities without feeling suffocated or intruded upon. Openly and honestly talk with your partner about your space needs and listen to them. While giving space is necessary, spending quality time together is crucial to nurturing your bond.
4. What are some things you should avoid doing when giving your partner space?
Give your partner the space they need by refraining from excessive calls, texts, or messages. Having healthy boundaries in marriage or a relationship is crucial, so if your partner needs some space to sort out her issues, don’t see it in a negative light. Understand and respect the boundaries they have set during this time. Avoid becoming overly dependent or clingy. Instead, respect their privacy and avoid pressuring them to share their thoughts or emotions if they aren’t interested.
The word ‘space’ is dreaded in relationships, but it isn’t always a bad thing. It might just mean that your girl wants some time to herself for isolation. This time apart can sometimes reignite the fire in relationships and bring couples closer. So, stop assuming the worst and give her the space she needs. If you two are meant to be together, she will come back to you.
Infographic: Things To Not Do While Giving Her Space
Giving each other space in a relationship allows a couple to retain their individuality and personal identity while being involved with their partner. While giving her space, there are a few things that you should keep in mind to ensure that it does not negatively affect your relationship. Find out about such things to avoid in the infographic below. Read it and save it for future reference. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Love is not clinging but giving space to your partner. Learn how to give her space in a relationship and get her back! Discover the art of giving her the space she needs to come back to you.
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. Dating your female versionhttps://nairakashms.medium.com/dating-your-female-version-e58bdb911576
References
- Menelaos Apostolou et al.; (2021); What makes It Difficult to keep an Intimate Relationship: Evidence From Greece and China.
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1474704920987807 - Growing number of women economically independent; Statistics Netherlands
https://www.cbs.nl/en-gb/news/2009/21/growing-number-of-women-economically-independent
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