17 Signs He Is Not Ready For A Relationship & What To Do

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You may be dating this sweet, charming guy who seems to be the “perfect one” you have been waiting for all these years. But when you talk about the future with him, he seems to dodge the conversation. It’s apparent he is not ready for a relationship, but why?

Some men can be difficult to understand. They may make you feel like the most special woman in the world, but then when it comes to committing, they go into hiding. They behave so indifferently that doubting their intentions becomes inevitable. Are you dealing with a man who leaves you clueless when it comes to commitment? Recognizing the signs that he’s not ready for a relationship can help you make informed choices about your emotional investments.

Read this post as we reveal some signs that the man you are dating isn’t ready for a relationship with you, some probable reasons for his hesitation, and what to do if he seems too indifferent.

17 Signs He Is Not Ready For An Actual Relationship

How to tell if a man is serious about a relationship with you? If he exhibits the following signs, it means he is unwilling to be in a real relationship.

1. He won’t commit: You cannot expect a man to commit after just a few dates. But if you have been together for months and are totally into each other, it is natural to give your relationship a name. But if he is unwilling to commit even after months of serious dating, then it is quite clear that he has no intention of getting into a real relationship with you.

2. He gets angry discussing your relationship: Each time you broach the topic of your future together, he either changes the topic or gets angry and blames you for spoiling his mood by bringing up ‘that’ topic. If this has happened to you in the past, know that he hates ‘the topic’ because he has no intention of committing to you.

Image: IStock

3. He speaks one thing but does something else: Some men may have a sugar-coated tongue. They may have absolutely no qualms about leading you on and promising you lots of love. But the clear giveaway with such men is that their actions never support their words. They will assure you of something but will never follow it up. If your man has always been like this, then know that he is not serious about the relationship.

4. He does not consider you his priority: You will reshuffle your entire schedule and cancel all prior appointments just to be able to meet him even for a short while. But he does not do the same. This is one of the signs he doesn’t care about the relationship. For him, everything else comes first and is the top priority. It is fine in essential cases. However, if he remembers you only when he has nothing better to do, then you are nothing but a source of entertainment for him.

Quick tip

The subtle changes in his behavior may not be immediately obvious. It takes time for you to notice this pattern. Until then, don’t dispel your intuition.

Image: IStock

5. He does not include you in his future plans: This guy may be ambitious and have big dreams of working hard and achieving greatness in life. He might share his life plan with you, but he does not mention your role anywhere in his future. You feature nowhere in his plans. All his plans are for himself and maybe his family but never for you.

6. He gives superficial compliments: When a guy is in love, he will notice even small changes in his lady love’s appearance and will even compliment her for the same. However, if all your guy has to say is that ‘you look great’ or ‘it’s looking nice,’it means he is saying it just to keep you happy, and he does not truly mean it.

7. He never makes up after a fight: You are always the first to make up after a fight or an argument. It does not matter whose fault it was, you will be the one to let go of it because you know that if you don’t, he never will. It is because he is not really serious about you and would not go through the trouble of admitting his mistake.

Image: IStock

8. He shows no interest in knowing you: Maybe, at the beginning of your relationship, he must have asked you many questions hoping to get to know you better. But as time passed, the relationship became more about him, his life, his work, his family, and so on. He never asks about your day and appears disengaged and uninterested in your life. When you speak anything about yourself, he does not even feign interest.

Do remember

A relationship should be equal at all times. If you feel you are trying too hard to keep your relationship floating, it is clearly one-sided.

9. He knows nothing about you: He may not ask you about your life often, but he does not even remember the things you say about yourself. For example, you may have told him about your love for your dog. But when he meets your dog, he has no recollection of you even mentioning your dog. Things are worse when he does not even remember your birthday or your favorite food.

10. He hides a lot from you: You notice his phone buzzing constantly, and he keeps thanking people on the phone. After many requests, he finally reveals the news of his promotion to you, when you should have been one of the first people to learn about it. If he has started to keep important things from you, it is a clear sign that he is not keen on developing a serious relationship.

Image: IStock

11. He says he is not ready for it: You may give him all the space and time he needs to make a decision, but he will still never be ready for it. You may think that if you are nice to him and put up with his lack of commitment, he might agree to a relationship. But it will never happen since he was never ready for it in the first place.

12. He is still in touch with his ex: He may tell you that he and his ex are still friends, but you see him chatting with her all the time. He even makes no effort to hide it from you. In fact, he might even talk about his ex and how they have been getting along well. He doesn’t care that it hurts you to see him bond with his ex.

13. He has not introduced you to his friends: When a man is sure of his woman, he will introduce her to his friends and family. If he hasn’t done that with you yet, then it means he is still not sure about you. He may see you as a passing affair and not someone with whom he can consider spending the rest of his life.
14. Ella F., a blogger, emphasizes that if a person keeps you at a distance from their social or personal life after a couple of months, it indicates a lack of seriousness in the relationship. She shares, “For the sake of anonymity, I shall call this one awful man I dated Jacob. Jacob was handsome, funny, and politically active. Oh boy, did I ever like him. Plus, he seemed to really like me. We spent almost 7 months together, going out at night to fun locations, taking excursions through parks outside the city, and enjoying movies. We saw a lot of each other. Alone. Jacob was very cagey when it came to introducing me to his friends. In hindsight, at least when we ended things, there was no awkward division of the friendships.
    “If he’s keeping you at arm’s length from his social or personal life after a couple of months, he is not serious. The only reason he is treating you like a dirty little secret is because you are, in fact, a dirty little secret. I know how tempting it can be to find excuses for this kind of behavior. Especially when everything else in the relationship seems to be going so well. But unless he is estranged from his family, they should know about you. Also, not meeting his friends basically means you don’t have a future. Move on. (i).”

14. He hardly spends time with you: He may be busy with his work, which is a good thing that he is doing well in life. But whenever he gets free time, he is not with you. In fact, you don’t even know where he is most of the time. He does not tell you his whereabouts and does not even spend time with you. He is almost always unavailable for you.

15. You just know he isn’t into it: Lastly, your intuition is screaming at you that something is wrong and that this guy isn’t right for you. He may not say it aloud, but his behavior and vibe are more than enough for you to be sure that he is not the real deal. If your intuition is strong about this, then you must listen to it and stop expecting anything long-term with him.

16. He doesn’t feel reliable: One crucial component men consider before committing to a person is reliability. Reliability plays a pivotal role in establishing trust and respect. When a man is ready to fully commit to a relationship, his reliability becomes evident. However, a lack of reliability can be a red flag, indicating that he is still apprehensive about a long-term relationship with you.

17. He loves the party life: Your partner might be a party animal! However, if he prioritizes partying over spending quality time with you, it could mean he is not ready to be in a serious relationship with you.

Image: IStock

Reasons Why He May Not Be Ready For A Relationship

If your man has been showing the above-mentioned signs, it means he is not ready for a real relationship. Now, let’s try to understand the possible reasons why he is unwilling to commit to you.

1. He doesn’t know what he wants: Does your guy go hot and cold too often? If yes, then it probably means that he is not sure of what he wants. One moment he thinks you are the one for him, the other moment, he fears he is making a mistake. This confusion trickles into his behavior, and he is unable to commit to you.

2. He is waiting for someone better: If he is still with you but stays uncommitted, he is waiting to find someone better. If he does not come across someone better than you, he knows you are always there as his backup. He will not commit unless he is sure he can get no one better than you.

3. He is still playing the field: You are probably unaware that your guy is still active on dating apps to show he is unassociated with you, as he wants to explore his options before settling for you. He may commit to you, but not now. He feels he can go around being single and available until he has had enough and it is time to have a spouse.

4. He is currently committed to his work: He wants to commit to you, but he really needs more time with his work/job. Right now, he may be completely focused on getting his career on track and feels unconnected with you as he does not want to be distracted. Once he gets to where he wants to be in his career, he will probably be the first one to ask you for a real relationship.

5. He has been hurt in the past: It could be that his past relationships have hurt him so much that he has turned commitment-phobic and prefers to remain aloof. He may love you, but his fears and insecurities keep him from committing to you. He may fear that becoming too committed to a relationship could cause him emotional pain in the future. As a result, he may be uninvolved and hesitant to fully engage in a relationship with anyone.

6. He suffers from low self-esteem: He probably is not confident in himself enough to make any commitment to you. He is perhaps unhappy with himself and struggles to feel secure. His constant struggle with his self-image makes it difficult for him to get into a real relationship.

7. He needs more time: Sometimes, the reason he is not ready for a real relationship could be simpler than you think, and it is that he needs more time. If you strongly sense he loves you but is still not committing, it could be that he needs more time due to other life commitments or simply because he likes taking things slow.

Be watchful

If you think he is not committing due to prior issues, you might want to recommend counseling for him. Otherwise, you might end up bearing the brunt of his emotional issues throughout your relationship.

What To Do When He Is Not Ready For A Real Relationship?

You probably understand why your man won’t get into a real relationship with you, but it does not dull your heartache. Here is what you can do when he is not ready for a real relationship.

1. Talk to him: You may be scared of broaching the topic, but remember it is now or never. So, look for when he seems in a mood to talk and share your feelings. Do not leave anything to assumptions. Speak to him clearly, so you know precisely if your relationship has a future or not.
2. Think about your feelings: Self-reflection is important when deciding what to do in a relationship. Ask yourself, “Do I think this is my only option?” Think about whether you’re putting too much emotional energy into one person and if waiting for his commitment is worth it without losing your happiness. Reflect on whether his uncertainty is making you feel stressed, anxious, or lowering your confidence. Writing in a journal can help sort your thoughts, and talking to a trusted friend or therapist can offer helpful advice, leading to a better understanding of your emotions.

3. Walk away from him: If nothing seems to work, then walking away from the guy who is unattached to you is the best thing to do for your own good. Share your decision with him; if he really loves you, he will not let you go. If he does not protest, know that he was never interested in you, and you should be glad you ended the relationship.

4. Forgive yourself and him: A failed relationship is likely to make you bitter. Though it is okay to feel bad and be angry, do not hold on to resentment. Instead, forgive yourself and him. Be grateful for the experience and move on with the hope of finding your soulmate.

5. Accept the reality: There could be times when you think of all the moments you spent together and find it hard to accept the current situation. However, try to see things the way they are in the present. You may feel your world crashing, but remember the feeling is temporary. The faster you accept the reality, the faster you heal.

6. Move on in life: Thanks to social media, we can keep a tab on almost anyone’s life, and you may be tempted to check his life through his social media pages. This habit of stalking is toxic and will hamper your chances of healing. Make a firm decision to never check him out on social media, even if it means temporarily disabling your social media accounts to stop yourself from succumbing to the temptation.

Infographic: Why Some Men Don’t Commit To Relationships?

You are deeply interested in a man and want to take the next step. However, you are not sure whether he is ready to commit to a relationship. This infographic might help clear your apprehensions, for it presents some of the precise reasons a man might not want to commit to a relationship.

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Illustration: Signs He Is Not Ready For A Relationship & What To Do

Image: Dall·E/MomJunction Design Team

Is he really onto you? Or are you alone in a one-sided relationship? Learn to tackle head-on when he is not ready for a relationship with you from the video.

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Jessica JeffersonMA, MS, LMFT

Jessica Jefferson is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a certified perinatal mental health professional who is trained to help clients suffering from mental health disorders like anxiety and depression. She graduated with a Bachelors in Psychology from the University of Miami, a Masters in Psychology in Education from Teachers College, Columbia University and a Masters in Family Therapy from Nova Southeastern University.

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Benidamika J LatamMA, MSc

Benidamika holds a masters degree in Counseling Psychology from Assam Don Bosco University and another masters degree in English Literature from North Eastern Hill University. At MomJunction, Benidamika writes on human psychology and relationships.

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