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School is where you meet different people, some may be nice, while others, not so nice. This post will give you tips and tricks on dealing with the mean girls at school. The teenage cliques at school, particularly the mean girls’ group, often engage in exclusionary behavior towards their peers. Their superiority complex makes them feel like they are better than everyone, allowing them the privilege to mock others. These groups of girls enjoy indulging themselves in gossip about others and spreading false rumors for fun. But you don’t have to go by everything that they say. Read on to learn ways of tackling such girls in school.
Why Are Mean Girls So Mean?
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Teasing is common amongst friends, but when it leads to mockery, it is known as bullying. Some girls take teasing to such a level that the other person feels humiliated and harassed. But what kind of sadistic pleasureiA pleasure obtained by hurting others and making them suffer do these mean girls derive by being so condescendingiAn attitude showing oneself to be more superior or intelligent than others ? What prompts them to do this?
According to researchers, teenage mean girls in high school often seek acceptance and control in every aspect of their life. When these are lacking in one area, it can result in feelings of teenage angst, prompting them to seek fulfillment in other areas. For example, Miss A has no say in her house. She is often neglected by her family who does not pay attention to what she has to say. So she forms a group of girls who adore her, accept her, and look up to her. She then seeks control of the group so that she has the power to control things the way she wants them to be. Once she gains the authoritative position, she will not want anyone to change the dynamics of the group. She will do everything to maintain her position. This need for power and acceptance prompts aggressive behavior towards meek victims.
Did you know?Who Is A Mean Girl?
Mean girls are selfish and insensitive in several ways, and may display Queen Bee traits. Take a look at the types of mean girls you will find in every school.
1. Gossip Girl:
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These girls thrive on dirty details of others’ life. They have multiple sources to keep themselves updated with the latest gossip and ensure that every negative or embarrassing detail is never left unshared. They enjoy spreading rumors. In case a rumor does not seem juicy then they do not refrain from adding some spice to it to make it more interesting. They can never be trusted with secrets as they cannot keep one. Not even that of their friends. In fact, these girls don’t even spare their friends. They will betray them for the sake of spreading a rumor.
2. The Critic:
These girls never seem to be impressed by anything. They overly scrutinize things to find faults in others. They belittle everything about the other person to feel a sense of false pride. Unnecessarily criticizing others makes them feel good. They pass snide remarksiRemarks to criticize someone in an indirect and unkind way on others dressing style, appearance, gait, mannerisms, and social standing. Their sarcastic comments break their victim’s self-esteem and frighten them.
3. Miss Hoity-Toity:
These are rich girls who operate within a strict social hierarchy, preferring to interact only with those who match their status.
They can afford fancy stuff and want to be surrounded by friends who can maintain the same. For them, mixing with rich people is a way of expanding right connections that can yield future benefits. Anyone below their standard is looked down upon and treated badly. These girls also pick on girls who may not necessarily be below their level but are perceived as a threat to their social status.
4. The Referees:
These girls like to dictate terms to others. They decide on who can talk to whom and who should be an outcast. They are like referees in a soccer match where showing the red card to a player has him out of the game. Any girl they show a red card faces exclusion from all parties, groups, and events. Girls are nice to these mean girls out of fear of being labeled as an outcast by them. Similarly, members of the group of these mean girls comply and approve every action of theirs so as not to be banished from the group. The behavior of these mean girls is an example of groupthink, where members of a group prioritize conformity and unanimity over critical thinking and independent decision-making.
5. Cyber Wrecker:
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Teenage rivalry can manifest in various ways, including online attacks, as seen in the behavior of these mean girls at school. These girls attack behind the veil of social media. They post online pictures and create demeaning posts about girls they dislike. At times, they even write blind items mentioning everything about a girl without actually naming her directly. However, their hints are always too obvious to guess. They even go to the extent of creating fake profiles only to humiliate someone.
Signs Of A Mean Girl
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There are several reasons why mean girls are the way they are. Some of them don’t even realize they are mean and hurting others. Have a look at the signs of a mean girl:
1. Highly Insecure:
The behavior of mean girls in school can often be attributed to teenage insecurity and jealousy.
They feel jealous of other girls who have something that they lack in, prompting the bully behavior. They find it tough to see anything good happen to people they are envious of and do everything to kill the happiness in others’ life.
Arianna Boddy, an Arizona-based licensed child clinical psychologist, says, “Mean girls can be jealous, but it really comes from a deep place of insecurity. In my experiences working with kids and teenagers, many mean girls actually think that being mean adds to or boosts popularity. They are insecure about themselves and their worth comes from social status or being liked or noticed.”
2. Looks Matter:
In school, mean girl behavior often revolves around the idea of fitting in and conforming to a certain image or social hierarchy. For mean girls, looking good at all times matters a lot. They put in a lot of efforts to look presentable at any time. This obsession is transferred to the way they look at other people. Girls with acne or braces or even overweight become the butt of jokes. They make fun of anyone who is not up to the mark in terms of appearance.
Lisa McCrohan, a mother and psychotherapist, reflects on her experiences with bullying during her school years. She recalls, “I was begging my parents to go to the public school because the girls were so mean. And when I look back, wow, they were cruel. My maiden name is Ackerman. They’d call me “Lisa Acneman” as sixth grade brought with it oily skin and some breakouts. When my parents discerned that I would change schools, I felt relieved (i).“
3. Good Flirting Skills:
Mean girls want to date the best of boys, and excellent flirting skills are a prerequisite for any mean girl. They very well know how to play the game, when to smile, how much to smile and how to get a guy’s attention. They are excellent at manipulating.
4. Keep Good Company:
They live by the saying that ‘you are judged by the company you keep’. Mean girls are very particular about the people they hang out with. Since they wish to sustain their position at the top of the ladder they befriend girls and boys who are popular and rich.
5. Temporary Friendship:
Long-term friendship is not a thing for most mean girls. Mean girls often indulge in a lot of backstabbing and do not spare their ‘so-called’ friends. Their friendship is often temporary and for convenience’s sake. Once their purpose is fulfilled they do not bother to look back again.
Point to considerHow To Deal With Mean Girls?
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Boddy suggests, “Teach your child to ignore it. The more reach the mean girls get, the more likely it will be repeated. If total ignoring is not possible or hasn’t worked after multiple days, then have them say simple things like, ok, sure, and, or interesting. These simple responses let the mean girls realize it doesn’t work or doesn’t get the reaction they may want.
“Moreover, teach your child to stay away from the mean girls as much as possible. Encourage them to address the issue with the teacher or adult(s) in charge in a safe and private way.”
Tackling children’s problems is a complicated affair because you want to help them but do not want to seem controlling or interfering. You seek your daughter’s well-being and want to help her, but it is for her best that you let her tackle the situation by herself. You can surely guide her but do not directly interfere. Here are a few ways you can help your girl in dealing with mean girls in school.
1. Talk With Your Daughter:
If you notice any behavioral changes in your daughter, it is important that you talk to her and find out if she has been facing any trouble at school. Listen to her. If she is convinced that she has someone to help her, then she will come out of the shell. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention highlights that 36.7% of teenagers aged 12 to 17 experienced emotions of sadness or hopelessness. A highly sensitive child may be hurt more deeply. You can teach her ways to tackle gossip and deal with alienationiA feeling of withdrawing or ending connection with people . You need not try to intervene because this is all a part of growing up and she needs to deal with such situations by herself. All you need to do is let her know that you are with her. This will boost your daughter’s assertiveness and self-confidence in a positive manner.
2. Share Your Experiences:
If you have experienced or witnessed dealing with mean girl behavior in school, you can share those incidences with your daughter to let her know that she is not the only one to face such a situation. You can tell her how you struggled through those lonely days but in the end managed to survive with sheer determination and courage. Make her understand that some people’s behavior and opinion makes no difference to her life and that she should be strong and focused on her aim and ambition.
3. Focus On Ambition:
Your daughter must remain focused on achieving her aims. Having a bad time at school can affect her mentally, but she has to divert her attention and focus on what is most important for her in life. You can ask her to spend less time on social media and be more interested in studying or even playing sports. You can also occasionally monitor your daughter’s social media accounts to ensure that there are no instances of cyberbullying.
4. Teach The Importance Of Friendship:
Accompanying your daughter to school to support her may not be an option for you, but you can encourage her to make new friends. Friends can be the best support system for your daughter. New friends will help get her mind off the mean girls at school. Friends can help lift her mood whenever she feels sad or lonely. Your daughter can study, play and participate in various other activities when she has the company of new friends.
5. Show The Dignified Fight:
Nothing irks a bully more than the lack of reaction or response. You can teach your daughter how to stay calm and react less to mean girls who are determined to trouble her. She should know that she does not need to seek acceptance or approval of certain people. Mean girls mostly target people they feel threatened by and are nasty with them only to pull them down. They often feel that people look up to their opinion and that they are some trendsetters. Paying no heed to such people’s words will strip them of the power they feel they have over others.
6. Discourage Support Towards Mean Behavior:
Not everyone has the courage to fight against mean girls but continuing to witness mean girl behavior towards another girl in silence due to peer pressure means that you have no problem with it, which is wrong. Your daughter has to know that she should not be a spectator to mean behavior. It’s best to walk away from such situations if you cannot object to it. With no audience to entertain, they might lose interest in bullying.
7. Inform An Adult:
At times, there are chances that things get out of hand. In such situations, it is good to bring matters to the notice of an adult who can handle the situation. Your daughter can inform a teacher about the unfair treatment of mean girls and ask the teacher to help. The teacher may not reveal the identity of your daughter yet manage to settle the situation in the best possible manner.
8. Be A Part Of PTA:
Being a part of the parent-teacher association (PTA) gives you access to insider information about the developments in the school. Also, you get acquainted with teachers and other parents. If your daughter is being troubled by some girls, then you can raise awareness regarding such problems in the PTA meetings and find means to curb instances of bullying. This way you can also help several other girls who are victims of mean girls. By being proactive in addressing teenage rebellion, parents can help their daughters navigate the challenges of adolescence with confidence and resilience.
Did you know?Frequently Asked Questions
1. How can I stop being a mean girl?
To stop being a mean girl, try to understand people. Refrain from always disagreeing with them. Also, try to be friendly with as many students as possible. There is no harm in opening up to different people. Stand up for those who are regular victims of bullying and teasing. Additionally, it’s important to recognize the signs of toxic friendships and make an effort to distance yourself from them.
2. How to manage mean girls in sports?
Jealousy is one of the significant triggers for mean-girl behavior (2). A good way to tackle it is to ignore the comments of mean girls. Remember that the statements and actions of mean girls are only because they feel envious and insecure. So, try not to focus on them. Instead, keep practicing and become better at the sport.
3. What are the long-term effects of mean girl behavior?
Mean girl behavior can have enduring consequences on those affected. Targets may experience persistent emotional and psychological effects, such as diminished self-esteem, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, self-harm tendencies, and difficulty establishing trusting connections with others. Mean girl behavior also affects the individuals who engage in such behavior. These individuals may develop aggressive behavior, struggle with empathy, and have difficulties forming healthy relationships, which can affect their mental health and well-being.
4. How can schools create a more positive and accepting environment for all students?
Schools can prioritize empathy and respect through educational initiatives. They can cultivate a diverse and inclusive culture and firmly reinforce anti-bullying measures. Schools can foster an inclusive and supportive environment for students by offering support services or groups for social-emotional well-being, arranging counseling services, and actively involving students in creating a safe and welcoming school community.
Being a teenage girl can be highly challenging when you have to face mean girls at school. At this stage, girls tend to develop multiple insecurities about themselves. Any further harassment can leave a lifelong scar on their minds. Therefore, it’s necessary to ensure that you stay aware of what your daughters go through regularly in school. You must constantly check in on your daughter’s behavior, and any change must be recognized and talked about patiently before things get too difficult to handle. You need not hesitate but openly discuss issues such as bullying or body shaming to help your daughter learn how to react smartly in such circumstances.
Infographic: How To Deal With Mean Girls?
Mean girls can be anywhere, and it may not be possible for one to avoid them because they feed off of the attention and fear of others. So if your child is a victim of their bullying, share this infographic with them to know the right ways to handle such people and the things they should avoid doing that may worsen the situation. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Key Pointers
- Mean girls consider themselves superior and bully others for pleasure.
- Mean girls seek power and control and often target vulnerable victims.
- Mean girls enjoy gossiping, criticizing, and judging others, lacking empathy and consideration.
- They spread false rumors and harm others’ self-esteem.
- Parents should advise and guide their children to stay away from mean girls and familiarize them with anti-bullying laws. They should also provide guidance and support to their children.
Illustration: Mean Girls At School: Types Characters and How To Deal With Them
Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. Raising girls who are “includers” instead of “mean girls.”https://www.lisamccrohan.com/2014/09/raising-girls-who-are-includers-instead-of-mean-girls/
References
- Facts About Bullying.
https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/facts - Study looks at effect of ‘mean girls’ on sports teams;
https://news.siu.edu/2010/05/052810kcj10040.php
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Dr. Arianna Boddy is a licensed child clinical psychologist with close to 10 years of experience. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Nova Southeastern University and has worked as a psychologist in Arizona and South Florida. Dr. Boddy provides consulting services to school systems in Florida, Massachusetts, and Tennessee.
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