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If you have recently come across a person who overwhelms you with love and appreciation, it’s time you explore what love bombing is. Imagine a situation where your partner presents you a bouquet, takes you out on a romantic holiday, and plans a moonlight dinner under the starry sky. You might be over the moon by the compliments and attention. Everything in your relationship would feel perfect.
However, sometimes the magnificent warmth and adoration may be a sign of manipulation, also known as love bombing. Love bombing refers to a manipulative tactic where an individual overwhelms another with excessive displays of love, attention, and gifts to influence them. It is painful to go through such a situation where the love or endearment you initially felt was not real and just infatuation. Read this post to know the signs of love bombing, ways to identify a love bomber, and tips to avoid such a partner.
What Is Love Bombing?
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Every day, people are subjected to narcissists’ use of love bombing, but few people have a good understanding of what this insidious behavior entails or how to deal with it. Love bombing is a powerful tool in a narcissist’s arsenal. They use it to persuade you and manipulate you.
Love bombing is a term used to describe an attempt at manipulating someone by overwhelming them with feelings of love and affection (1). What feels intoxicatingly loving at first can quickly turn controlling and abusive. Love-bombing is an approach used by a narcissist with low self-esteem to strengthen romance in a relationship, especially in the early stages of the relationship.
A narcissist is a skilled predator who uses the love-bombing technique to entice a person into a relationship. They lavish affection, gifts, and praise on their new romantic interest, but their true intentions are hidden. So, how do you tell if your significant other is love bombing you? Read on.
13 Signs Your Partner Is Love Bombing You
It can be difficult to distinguish between an affectionate person and one who uses love bombing as a weapon to maintain control in a relationship. Here are some tell-tale signs your partner is love bombing you.
1. They constantly compliment you
We all value compliments and feel good when someone says nice things about us.
However, if your partner is love bombing you, they will constantly shower you with shallow, superficial, and insincere compliments on the way you look or everything you do, even things you know aren’t worthy of praise.
For example, they may constantly tell you, “I’ve never met anyone like you and felt this way about anyone before,” or “Everything about you appeals to me.”
Experts say2. They shower you with gifts
A week into the relationship, and you are inundated with gifts. They may not buy you a Ferrari, but expect them to lavish you with clothes, expensive perfumes, or jewelry, making you feel obligated to them. However, their ultimate goal is not to express their unconditional love and affection but to make you feel indebted to them. They believe that showering you with gifts will lead you to believe that you owe them something. Thus, gift-giving is a form of manipulation used to gain control over you.
3. They excessively text and call you
If your partner is love bombing, you will notice that they call or text you frequently.
You can’t seem to find a quiet moment without your phone ringing. The constant “I miss you,” “Where are you?” texts or WhatsApp messages indicate that you are love-bombed, and they want to keep you hooked.
Wilda Atienza, a blogger, former actor, and tour guide, says she was once in a relationship with a guy who would resort to frequent love-bombing. She adds, “After our first date, the next morning and the days following, I received the most sugary sweet texts. While I didn’t think it was irrational for him to miss me, to miss me to the degree that he expressed? I received texts like, ‘I really miss you sooo much…’ or ‘I can’t wait to see you again…’ As much as I was flattered, I had a feeling that these texts were excessive (i).”
4. They tell you what you want to hear
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When your partner is love bombing you, they will say whatever you want to hear. The love bomber will most likely sing the words you want to hear into your ears at the perfect time. They validate your point of view with tenderness to gain your favor, trust, and affection with an ulterior motive.
Did you know?5. They make love moves too quickly
You get immediate promises about your future together a few weeks after meeting them. For example, they may say, “I’d like for you to meet my family” or “We complement each other perfectly.” They may discuss living together, marriage, children, or any other significant step in the relationship. You may hear “I love you” or be bombarded with love songs a few weeks after meeting them. Then, they may hasten the relationship by rushing into sex. If things are moving too quickly, you are a victim of love bombing. This is their way of controlling you and making you lose your independence.
6. They try to be the savior
Love bombers detect blood in the water and thrive when you are in distress. Whether you’re going through a breakup or losing a loved one, the love bomber is always looking for ways to offer their protection and provide solutions to whatever ails you. In reality, they are doing them to make you feel obligated to return the favors and express gratitude towards them. For example, the love bomber may expect you to lavish them with praise for rescuing you from difficult situations.
7. They make you feel special
A narcissist who uses love bombing will make you feel special. They will tell you that you are the most beautiful, intelligent, and talented person in the world or the best lover ever. During the love-bombing phase, they place you on a pedestal that creates a false narrative and makes you believe in grandiose fantasies. In addition, they may romanticize you, saying you’re wonderful and amazing despite not knowing you well. Although undivided attention can be enticing, be skeptical about outlandish praise and acts of kindness, especially if they come from someone you have just met.
8. They like what you like
Your love bomber will love everything you love or dislike everything you hate. They’ll pretend to like the same things you do–music, movies, food, drinks, vacations, hobbies, sports, you name it. They will also expressly validate your points of view to gain your approval.
9. They call you a soul mate
The love bomber is quick to proclaim that they have found their soul mate, and they may attempt to create an intense emotional connection by convincing you that you two are meant for each other. But, of course, they’d call you a soul mate only after you’ve known each other for a few weeks. This stems from their desperate desire to be in a relationship to manipulate you.
10. They ask you personal questions
During the love bombing phase, the lover bomber will ask you probing questions about your previous relationships. They may insult your ex and try to portray them as losers. After you reveal your secrets, they may reveal their “deepest secrets” to instantly bond with you and possibly become your lover. They want to identify your emotional weak points and use them to manipulate you.
11. They try to get physical with you
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During the love-bombing phase, the love bomber is likely to show his affection through physical touch. The Narcissist will use physical touch as a love language in front of you to create a false sense of closeness with you.
12. They tell you their sob stories
A love bomber will tell you his sob stories during the love bombing phase to elicit empathy from you. They may present themselves as a victim or someone who has been wronged by the world, including their family members. They are quick to find a weak spot in your heart, strike an emotional chord, and begin a relationship with you.
13. They monitor your social media activity
They constantly monitor your activities on Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, or Twitter, posting pictures with you, and flaunting you to boost their inflated ego. They immediately “like” everything you post and comment on them. This is their way of attracting attention and promoting themselves.
Why Is Love Bombing A Red Flag?
Love bombing does not foster healthy relationship dynamics. It is a serious red flag because it is a form of emotional abuse. When a love bomber uses the emotions of fear, obligation, or guilt to get their way, it creates an imbalance in the relationship.
As narcissistic love bombers are manipulative, having them in your life can be detrimental to your emotional and mental health. And if you’ve ever met a narcissist love bomber, you’ve probably witnessed how manipulative, emotionally abusive, inconsiderate, and self-centered they can be.
True Colors Of A Love Bomber
The following are the true colors of a love bomber. Once you have identified the signs that someone might be love bombing you, look out for these character traits in them.
1. They use verbal and physical abuse
If you’re in a relationship with a love bomber, you’ll notice that they tell you what to do and how to do it sooner or later. If you disagree, they try to intimidate you with their uncontrollable rage. If you don’t do what they want, they become angrier and more abusive, even physically abusive, to get their way. They also throw a fit or walk out of the room when you cannot give them the attention they seek.
2. They are control freaks
They try to take control over situations, finances, social engagements, and family plans. They have no regard for you, and they try to control what you wear, eat, and watch. As time passes, you become increasingly isolated from friends and family.
The way they portray themselves could be only to manipulate and keep you in control. A blogger, who likes being called The Honest Aquarian, describes her experience with love bombing, “The man I thought was kind, gentle and loving was a chameleon. He could adapt to any woman by merely mirroring her and using her words and behaviors as intel for his devalue plan (ii).”
3. They are full of themselves
A typical narcissist love bomber is careless, self-obsessed, egoistic, and dismissive of their failures. They believe they have the right to exploit the emotions of others. They lack empathy because they generally believe they are better than others.
Love bombers have a colossal sense of self-importance, and they believe they are more important, intelligent, and deserving of praise and validation than others.
Quick fact4. They have no boundaries
A love bomber has no regard for your boundaries. They may try to manipulate you by being upset, throwing a tantrum, making you feel guilty, and so on.
5. They do not take responsibilities
Being in a relationship entails taking responsibility, but a love bomber is incapable of doing so. The love bomber has no regard for the future or the consequences of their actions or behavior.
6. They blame you
The only way a narcissist can avoid responsibility is to blame others. If something goes wrong, you will notice them blaming you. If they notice you diverting your attention elsewhere, they will begin to label you as self-centered and mean. If they are the one who’s dishonest, they’ll accuse you of being dishonest. A love bomber will improve their image by making you look bad.
7. They are jealous
Love bombers are extremely envious and insecure. They may become envious if you try to go out with your friends or colleagues.
8. They make empty promises
They don’t keep their promises, whether it’s a vacation or dinner plan. You’ll quickly realize that the promises they make are flimsy and hollow. Instead, they fake compliments to gain access to your heart. If their compliments seem exaggerated, investigate the possibility that they have an ulterior motive to take advantage of you.
9. They devalue you
If you don’t agree with what the love bomber wants or try to break up with them, they will begin to devalue you. They will accuse you of being unappreciative or insult you. They will do all they can to crush your self-esteem and gain control of you.
10. They threaten to discard you
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If all of their plans fail, the love bomber will threaten to leave you, break up with you, or leave you. They may continue to bombard you with calls, texts, emails, and WhatsApp messages when you discard them. During this phase, the love bomber may launch a malicious campaign against you or try to turn your family and friends against you.
How To Ward Off A Love Bomber?
So, what should you do if you’re in a relationship with a love bomber? Here are a few tips for dealing with someone who is love bombing you.
1. Politely reject gifts
When dealing with a love bomber, you must exercise extreme caution. For example, if they lavish you with gifts, politely inform them that you do not feel comfortable receiving gifts without a valid reason. Furthermore, express your desire not to rush into things, and let them know that excessive praise or gifts make you feel uncomfortable.
2. Adopt a no-contact policy
Adopt a no-contact policy if you want to reclaim your self-respect. You should not call, text, or have social media contact with them during the no contact phase, even when you feel lonely and vulnerable. Use this time to reflect on the relationship and the events that have harmed you and do things you love.
3. Spend time with family
Discuss it with trusted family members or close friends. Then, spend time with your family and friends by going out to dinner, watching movies, attending cocktail parties, or walking on the beach.
4. Restrict your social media access
Stop following anyone who is connected to the love bomber, including your friends. You can use the privacy settings on your social media accounts to prevent the love bomber from seeing anything you’ve publicly shared on social media.
5. Gain perspective
The key to dealing with the pain and hurt after being love-bombed is to gain perspective. Give yourself enough time and space to introspect. This involves observing the behavior patterns in both the love bomber and yourself. If you can do this, you can heal gradually.
6. Do not blame yourself
Understanding the true nature of the love bomber or abuser is only the first step toward victory. Another important step you should take is to stop blaming yourself and thinking about what could have gone wrong or how things could have been better.
7. Practice self-love
Accept that it is over and promise yourself that you will love yourself because you have most likely been physically and emotionally abused. Then, meet new people, broaden your horizons, and reconnect with your inner self. You could learn a new skill, such as painting, dancing, or playing a musical instrument, or indulge in any other interest you’ve always wanted to pursue but haven’t been able to.
8. Befriend positive people
Always keep in mind that we can unwittingly give toxic people power over our emotions and thoughts. Therefore, associate yourself with positive people who can lift your mood and motivate you to think positively.
9. Discover your self-worth
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It is natural for your self-worth to suffer in a controlling relationship as a result of intense love bombing and narcissistic abuse. You may feel unimportant. Self-worth entails valuing one’s time, one’s body, and one’s goals. Most importantly, treat yourself with compassion and forgive yourself.
10. Consult a therapist
Dealing with the love bomber’s brainwashing is a difficult task. If you notice signs of manipulation in a relationship, and if despite all your efforts, you have difficulty leaving the narcissistic love bomber or coping with negative emotions such as anxiety, depression, guilt, or anger, see a therapist and try to improve your emotional well-being.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What causes love bombing?
It is believed that love bombing happens due to two common reasons. The first one is the intentional manipulation or persuasion of an individual into doing what you want. Another reason is unintentional manipulation or persuasion that largely happens in individuals with unresolved attachment patterns due to bad childhood experiences or past relationships.
2. What are some red flags in love bombing?
Some red flags of love bombing include excessive flattery and attention, where one partner showers the other with overwhelming compliments and grand gestures early on. This often comes alongside a rapid escalation of the relationship, such as declarations of love or discussions of future plans within days or weeks of meeting. Another warning sign is a lack of personal boundaries, where the love bomber may insist on constant communication, pressure for immediate commitment, or ignore any requests for space. These intense behaviors, while initially flattering, are often used as tools of emotional manipulation.
3. How long can love bombing last?
There’s no set timeline for love bombing. Depending on how long a narcissistic partner takes to establish control, the time for which love bombing lasts varies from one case to another. Generally, love bombing is an unconscious behavior where the time to control and manipulate another individual isn’t planned.
4. What comes after the love-bombing phase?
Love bombing is a cycle of control and manipulation that works in phases. After the love-bombing phase is over, the devaluing, discarding, and hoovering phases follow. The devaluing phase involves criticizing and gaslighting the partner to hit their self-esteem, whereas the discarding phase involves an episode where the narcissistic partner will end the relationship. However, narcissistic individuals try to stay close (hoovering stage) to the survivor using different tactics.
Love bombing is a dangerous stage of narcissistic abuse where the narcissist partner overwhelms you with excessive love and fondness by constantly complimenting you, texting you, or trying to be your savior. However, their true intentions are not right. In the intense war of obsession vs love, they gradually display their actual personality traits and may start to abuse you verbally and physically, ignore responsibilities, and control you. It is essential to understand what love bombing is and why it happens in order to stay safe from it. If you’ve realized you’re in a love bombing relationship, you can stop it from getting worse by refusing their presents, practicing self-love, or seeing a therapist.
Infographic: Possible Signs Of Love Bombing Partners And Their True Intentions
If your partner is attentive toward you and leaves no chance to make you feel special, it would feel like a dream come true. However, there is a chance that your partner is love bombing you. We present signs and real intentions of a love bombing partner to help you identify and deal with them.
Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Key Pointers
- Love bombing is the over-expression of love towards one’s partner in a way that might be considered narcissistic.
- Calling you continuously, not giving enough space, or constantly complimenting you might be signs of love bombing.
- Being control freaks, not ready to take responsibilities, and several other true characteristics of love bombers have been mentioned below.
Illustration: Love Bombing: What It Is And 13 Signs To Spot It
Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team
Love bombing is a manipulative tactic used to control someone. In this video, we will focus on the subtle cues that might indicate you are facing love bombing.
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. I Thought He was “The One”Turns Out He was Love Bombing.
ii. N is for Narcissist: The 10 Stages Of a Relationship With a Covert Narcissist.
https://thehonestaquarian.wordpress.com/tag/love-bombing/
References
- Claire Strutzenberg et al. (2017). Love-bombing: A narcissistic approach to relationship formation.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/317663551_Love-bombing_A_narcissistic_approach_to_relationship_formation - Claire C. Strutzenberg et al.; (2017); Love-bombing: A Nar e-bombing: A Narcissistic Appr cissistic Approach to Relationship F o Relationship Formation ormation.
https://scholarworks.uark.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1013&context=discoverymag
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