Why A Newborn Won't Sleep Unless Held And What To Do About It

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There are times when a mother may notice that her newborn won’t sleep unless held. While some babies like being held to sleep sometimes, others may not sleep at all without being held. Being held by the mother provides a feeling similar to that in the womb; the baby can feel your heartbeat and the familiar scent. However, holding the baby to sleep may not always be possible and may even be unsafe.

Read this post to learn the reasons why the newborn won’t sleep unless held and the ways to encourage them to sleep in a crib or bassinet without you holding them.

Reason Why Babies Only Sleep When Held

There may be several reasons your baby fights sleep or resists sleeping on their own, including:

• Moro reflex (startle reflex): It happens when the baby is startled by a loud sound or movement during deep sleep. The Moro reflex in babies causes them to extend their arms and legs and arch their backs while crying (1). Thus, while putting your sleeping baby in their crib, an unconscious or improper movement may evoke the startle reflex and require you to pacify them in your arms.

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• Feeling exhausted: If your baby has tired themselves out completely, they may become fussy and irritated, leading to difficulties while putting them down to sleep. Further, they may fall asleep in your arms, causing fussiness when you try to place them in their crib.

•  Habit: If your baby has had the habit of sleeping in your arms since birth and likes to cuddle up to you, this sleep association may cause them to resist sleeping alone.

Samson Sarratt, a father, shares his story about transitioning his baby boy into a crib. He explains, “It was during the seventh month that our parenting life hit its first little struggle, when we decided to move our baby into a crib and his own room. He still slept pretty well, but when he did wake, my wife often had to feed and hold him for longer periods of time on a recliner that we placed in his room. This sleeping situation also had the added difficulty of getting him into the crib without waking him, as he would not go back to sleep if woken during this exchange (i).” Then, the parents decided to do periodic checks on the baby to help him learn self-soothing and observed remarkable changes.

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• Separation anxiety: Separation anxiety is commonly seen in babies between six months to three years (2). It causes babies to become anxious and show frustration when separated from their parents or caregivers, resulting in cranky and clingy behavior when they are put down to rest for a nap.

How To Put Your Baby To Sleep Without Holding Them

The safe sleep guidelines by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) suggests room-sharing to reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) but does not recommend bed-sharing (3). So if your baby refuses to sleep by themselves or without being held, try the following approaches:

• Swaddle your baby: Swaddling is the practice of wrapping your baby in a blanket like a burrito and it is the best way to combat the Moro reflex. It resembles the snug environment inside the womb, thereby, it helps in soothing, pacifying, and calming the baby and promoting good sleep (4).

Caution

Stop swaddling as soon as your baby starts attempting to roll over, which may be as early as two months (4).

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• Keep your scent close: Before swaddling your baby, keep the swaddle blanket in close contact so that it catches your scent. Your lingering scent on the blanket may provide comfort and help your baby sleep better

• Use white noise: White noise combines various sound frequencies to help reduce the impact of loud noises in the surrounding environment (5). Introducing white noise with a white noise machine while the baby is sleeping helps prevent them from waking up due to surrounding sounds or Moro reflex.

• Hold your baby before putting them down: Before putting your baby down to sleep in their crib at night, hold them in your arms and rock them for about 15 to 20 minutes or until they are drowsy. Then, place them in the crib before they fall asleep. This will teach the baby to self-soothe and encourage them to fall asleep independently (6). You may gradually reduce the time you spend holding your baby before placing them in the crib. Stay nearby as they fall asleep, and slowly increase the distance over time.

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• Avoid feeding your baby to sleep: Avoid feeding your baby to sleep to keep them from becoming used to such nighttime feedings, which may be difficult for you later. Instead, feed them shortly before putting them to bed (7).

Susan Yara, a mother of two, shares her experience regarding feeding and baby sleep training. She says, “One thing we had to teach him (her son) was to eat first. We would start feeding him thirty minutes before allowing him to finish his bottle. We would talk around him to ensure he was aware that while eating, he shouldn’t fall asleep (ii).”

Point to consider

Besides making nocturnal feedings a habit, putting the baby to bed with a bottle can also cause baby bottle tooth decay (7).

• Soothe them without picking them up: If your baby becomes cranky after you put them down in their crib, avoid picking them up instantly. Instead, calm them by talking to them in a soft voice, singing them a lullaby, patting them, rubbing their tummy or their head, and reassuring them.

• Hold them in a wrap: Hold your newborn in a baby wrap or sling during their awake time to help develop your bond with them and promote skin-to-skin contact. Baby wearing also helps soothe the baby, keep the baby cozy, and reduce the chances of fussing while being put down to sleep (8).

• Offer a pacifier: Giving your baby a pacifier keeps them calm and reduces the chances of SIDS (3).

• Follow a routine: Create a relaxing bedtime routine for your baby. You may give them a bath, read them a story, or dim the lights to help them understand it’s time to sleep.

• Give them a massage: Infant massage may contribute to improved sleep quality and duration. This practice stimulates the release of oxytocin, a hormone associated with relaxation and bonding, promoting a sense of calm in infants. It also aids in relaxation by reducing stress. Research suggests that just 15 minutes of massaging your baby before sleep can make them sleep more deeply and soundly (9). This means that, over time, incorporating massage into a baby’s routine may help build self-soothing behaviors and improve the likelihood of restful sleep even when not held.

• Maintain ambient temperature: Babies often find comfort in being held due to the warmth and closeness they experience. By maintaining an optimal room temperature, a comfortable and sleep-inducing atmosphere can be created (6). If the room is too cold or too warm, it may disrupt the baby’s sleep and make them more likely to wake up or resist falling asleep. Parents may use a room temperature monitor to make real-time adjustments to create a soothing sleep environment, reducing the likelihood of the baby needing to be held to feel comfortable.

Quick tip

Newborns may often wake up at night for feeding. Do not turn on the lights or entertain the baby. Instead, maintain silence during night feeds (7).

Infographic: Getting Your Baby To Sleep Without Having To Hold Them

Holding your baby until the time they are asleep can be a challenging experience for parents and caregivers. So, what should you do to ensure that your baby sleeps peacefully without you having to hold them throughout the process? The following infographic is the answer to this question. Check this infographic out to learn about a few tips that might help you put your baby to sleep more easily.

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Illustration: Why A Newborn Won&039t Sleep Unless Held And What To Do About It

Image: Dall·E/MomJunction Design Team

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Emily LauBachelor in Education

Emily Lau is a certified infant and pediatric sleep consultant with seven years of experience and helps little ones and their families get the sleep they need. She holds her bachelor’s degree in Early Childhood Education and is a certified teacher in general education and special education.

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  Dr Kevin HuffmanMD Dr. Kevin Huffman is a doctor of osteopathic medicine and a board-certified bariatric physician. He is the founder of AmBari Nutrition, a platform for weight loss and dieting products. Dr. Huffman has treated more than 10,000 patients over three decades and is the founder & president of the American Bariatric Consultants.
  
  Dr. Kevin Huffman is a doctor of osteopathic medicine and a board-certified bariatric physician. He is the founder of AmBari Nutrition, a platform for weight loss and dieting products. Dr. Huffman has treated more than 10,000 patients over three decades and is the founder & president of the American Bariatric Consultants.

Sanjana BhattacharjeeMSc

Sanjana did her post graduation in Applied Microbiology from Vellore Institute of Technology, India. Her interest in science and health, combined with her passion to write made her convert from a scientist to a writer. She believes her role at MomJunction combines the best of both worlds as she writes health-based content based on scientific evidence.

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Vidya did her post-graduation in Biotechnology from Osmania University, Hyderabad. Her interest in scientific research and writing made her pursue a career in writing, in which she now has over five years of experience. She has done certified biotechnology-related training programs under renowned organizations such as Centre For Cellular & Molecular Biology and Department of Biotechnology.

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