110+ Questions To Ask Your Ex-Boyfriend/Girlfriend

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A breakup can be painful, especially when it was initiated without your consent. You feel betrayed, and it leaves you heartbroken. Thus, in this post, we tell you some essential questions to ask your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend to help you get closure and heal from this emotional turmoil. Getting over the person you love and moving on with your life can be hard. Even after a breakup, you may contemplate what went wrong and even look for ways to get back with them. Many imagine themselves crossing paths with their ex and having an imaginary conversation with them, asking the questions that have been clouding their minds ever since the breakup. If you find yourself in the same situation, it means that you have unresolved feelings for your ex and have to do something about it before it starts taking a toll on your life. Hence, it can be helpful if you can have a conversation with your ex and sort things out once and for all.

And there is nothing to be nervous about. A blogger who goes by the name Scorpio Poetry went ahead and asked her ex some questions and was surprised by his willing response to it. She says, “I didn’t expect some of the answers he gave me, but it was very enlightening. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversations about us as a couple and as friends. I’ve had a chance to know his perspective and it’s quite interesting indeed. We have definitely learned a lot from each other as a couple and as being ex’s who are friends, and we’ve learned a lot from being apart. And it really shows me that we are in very different places now compared to where we were when we first broke up eight months ago, so it’s nice to know that we’ve both healed and matured a lot in such a short time (i).” We bring you several questions to ask your ex. Asking these questions will give you much-needed clarity and help you in your healing path.

In This Article

110+ Questions To Ask Your Ex-Boyfriend Or Girlfriend

Before reconnecting with your ex, you need to first determine the exact reason why you want to talk to them and how it might help you.

Questions To Ask Yourself Before Getting Back With An Ex

Why did we break up?
Are the reasons I want to rekindle this relationship valid and meaningful?
Do I want him/her to get back? If yes, why?
Do I believe that both of us have changed for the better and as a result, we will be more compatible?
Have I explored alternative ways to find happiness and fulfillment outside of this relationship so I’m not solely reliant on it for my well-being?

Am I sure I want him/her back, or is this just a temporary phase that I will overcome after some time?
Have I taken a second opinion from someone not influenced by the dynamics of the relationship and who can think more clearly, such as a trusted friend or a therapist?
Have I spent a considerable amount of time away from him/her and still feel the same for him/her?
Is a future full of personal growth and happiness possible between me and my ex?
Have I grown as a person since the break-up?
Am I looking at the situation through rose colored glasses or do I have realistic expectations related to the outcome of us getting back together?

Can I forgive and forget past mistakes?
Have I pondered about the potential effect this relationship will have on my personal goals and aspirations?

Analyze whether you can forgive them for their past wrongs

Image: IStock

Do I hold any resentment against him/her?
Have I taken into consideration the factors that led to a breakup in the first place and do I have a contingency plan?
Will I be able to start afresh with him/her?
Is communication an issue or can I communicate openly with my ex about my future expectations from the relationship?
Have I found the solutions to our past problems?
Am I strong enough emotionally to deal with the ups and downs that are part and parcel of any relationship?

Image: IStock

Am I willing to make compromises?
Have I given the mistakes of the past ample introspection to prevent repeating them in the future?
Am I prepared to do everything it takes to fix the issues that led to the break-up?
Are both of us equally invested in rekindling this relationship or is it a one way street?
How will my family and friends feel about this?
Have I taken into consideration the toll this relationship will have on my hobbies and personal time?

What advice would I give to someone in a similar situation?
Am I emotionally and mentally strong enough to deal with the heartbreak if the relationship does not work out?

Have I assessed whether this relationship aligns with my long-term values and life goals?

Point to consider

Don’t get back with your ex just for the sake of having a partner. Consider the pros and cons and why you called it quits in the first place (if you initiated the breakup).

Questions To Ask Your Ex After A Break-up

Once you have the answers to all the questions above and feel you can give the relationship a second chance, you need to ensure you and your ex are on the same page. Here are a few questions you could ask them.

Did you ever love me?
How have you been coping since our breakup?
Do you ever think about me? If yes, how often?
Have you been able to introspect and go over the details of our breakup? Do you have any insights you would like to share with me?
Whenever you watch our favorite movies or songs, do they remind you of me?
What have you learned about yourself and relationships from our time together?
Do you remember how you first met me?
Are there things that you wish you had done differently when we were together?
Did you ever care about me? What was it about me that made you fall for me?

Have you been able to find closure after our breakup?
What did you like about me?
Can you share any positive aspects or memories from our relationship that you still cherish?
What did you dislike about me?
After our breakup have you been able to find opportunities of personal growth or self-improvement?
Did you ever cheat on me? If yes, why did you cheat? What do you think and feel about it now?
Do you want to be friends and remain in contact?
How do you feel about me now? Did you ever regret breaking up?
Have you been able to move on and have you started dating someone else after our breakup?

What were some things you liked about me and the relationship?
What do you think we could have done differently to make our relationship work?
What was lacking in me and the relationship?
Do you think the timing of our relationship was off?
Do you miss me and the relationship?
After our breakup how do you envision your future relationships?

Image: IStock
Did you ever see a future with me?
Are there any possessions or items of sentimental value from our time together that you’d like to discuss?
What’s your favorite memory of us together?
I am wondering. Do you still have the things I gave you?

Have you had second thoughts about our breakup, and if so what provoked it?
If you could change something about the relationship, what would it be?
Did the relationship change you in any way?
Do you have any pointers for me on how I should handle and deal with the breakup, based on personal experience?
Do you think you have changed since the break-up?

Questions To Ask Your Ex To Get Them Back

Ask them whether they still have feelings for you

Image: Shutterstock

After your ex has answered the questions above, if you feel there is a chance to get back together after separation, try asking the following questions.

Did you ever think of getting back together?
If we get together again do you see us having a future together?
Do you still have feelings for me?
Do you believe that the pure love we shared for one another still exists?
What did you learn about yourself and us during our time apart?
During our time apart how much have you changed and how do you think that will affect us in the long run?
What would you have done differently to avoid our last separation?
If you could go back and change something to prevent our last breakup, what would it be?

What do you wish I should have done differently the last time we were together?
Are there any specific challenges that we faced earlier that you wish we had approached differently?
How good a girlfriend/boyfriend was I?
In your opinion, what were the strengths and weaknesses of our past relationship?
Do the feelings and viewpoints your family host influence your decision of us getting back together?
What is your current impression of me?
How do you feel about the fact that I did not date anybody after you?
What do you think of me now and how has your perception of me changed since our breakup?

What do you miss most about our relationship?
Among all the laughs and experiences we shared together, which one is the most memorable for you?
Of all things we did together, what do you remember the most?
We broke up for several reasons. Are you willing to approach them with an open mind and work on resolving them?
Are you willing to walk the extra mile to resolve our past problems?
How important is sexual compatibility to you in a relationship?
How compatible do you think we were in bed?
Can we work together to bring to life your idea of an ideal relationship?

Do you think that our time apart has positively impacted our individual growth and will aid our relationship’s success if it is rekindled?
What is your definition of an ideal relationship?
Would you consider putting the past behind us and starting with a clean slate?
What is one aspect about us being together that you miss the most?
What are a few ground rules and guidelines that we should instill to ensure better communication and understanding if we give our relationship another chance?

Quick tip

If your ex is unwilling to respond to your questions, seek other ways of getting closure, such as talking to close ones or seeing a counselor. Remember, your mental and emotional health is paramount.

Questions To Ask Your Ex-Boyfriend Or Girlfriend To Get Closure

Ask them how they coped up with the breakup

Image: Shutterstock

You deserve closure to move on peacefully. These questions might help you get the closure you are seeking.

I often wonder if you have your own reasons that we should not be together – can you tell me about those?
Do you think there were certain negative external influences that had a bad effect on our relationship?
What do you think was responsible for the failure of our relationship?
It didn’t work out but do you think if we just tried a little harder it would?
When did you realize we were done with the relationship?
Instead of focusing on petty things, do you think it may have worked if we just focused on each other’s happiness?
How did you feel in our relationship?
Do you think our relationship made you a better person?
How did you cope with the breakup?
Do you think if the circumstances were changed we would still be together?
What did our relationship teach you?
What influence did our relationship have on your personal growth?
What are the good things you take away from our relationship?
Do you regret our relationship all together?
Do you feel sorry for how the relationship ended?
What about our relationship would you like to erase from your memory?
Do you believe in second chances? If so, why?
Is there anything you haven’t said before and would like to tell me now?
Do you sometimes wish we had had more time together?
Do you want to ask me anything?
What strategies or methods did you use to cope with losing a relationship?
What kind of relationship with me would you like to have in the future?
Do you wish to stay connected as friends?
Can we ever rekindle our love and have it better than it was before? If we were willing to learn from our mistakes?

Illustration: Questions To Ask Your Ex-BoyfriendGirlfriend

questions to ask your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend_illustration

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Frequently Asked Questions

1. What should I talk to my ex-boyfriend/girlfriend about?

Before beginning a conversation, be clear about your intentions. If you have not spoken for some time, start the conversation with a neutral message. For instance, you can talk about the new things in your life or positive aspects of your past relationship. Alternatively, you can talk about common hobbies or interests, mutual friends, or positive memories you shared together. If your ex wants to be friends with you, be careful as it requires clear boundaries and mutual respect. However, ensure your tone does not sound flirty or misleading.

2. How can I make my ex-boyfriend/girlfriend miss me?

Maintain no contact period to give them the time and space to help them realize your value in their life. There might be some signs that your ex still has feelings for you. Invest time reinventing yourself and doing things you like to let your ex know you are doing fine without them. Socialize and make new friends. Be active on social media to let your ex see what you are doing. Moreover, if you are in contact with them, you can talk to them about the exciting things happening in your life. However, before doing this, consider if you want your ex in your life again.

3. How should I reconnect with my ex?

Getting back together with your ex can be physically and emotionally exhausting. You must have patience and determination to reconnect with your ex. You both should be ready to have open communication and forgive one another. Addressing past issues, reflecting on what has changed, and being open can help rebuild your relationship. Most importantly, building trust again requires time, so take things slowly.

Breakups bring emotional turmoil that is often hard to handle. However, it is good to end a relationship that isn’t working well for you and your partner. Still, if you want your ex back, ask yourself why you want to revive a broken relationship. Sometimes the signs that your ex will eventually come back are subtle. Once you get clarity and decide you are determined to give your relationship a second chance, use these questions to ask your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend their requirements and expectations. If you sense they are interested, work together towards a new beginning. Otherwise, these questions will help you get closure, which is necessary for mental peace.

Infographic: Questions To Ask Your Ex

Talking with your ex can be awkward and tense. But specific topics should be addressed to move on and start something new and better. So whether it is to get closure or get back together, here are the essential questions you should ask them for an honest conversation.

essential questions to ask your ex (infographic)

Key Pointers

Questions to ask your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend can bring closure and peace of mind.
If your relationship ended on a disagreeable note or due to a misunderstanding, such questions can help you understand what to do better.
If you have unresolved feelings about your ex-partner, asking them to answer your questions honestly can help you cope with your emotions.
Clearing the air between yourself and your ex removes chances of resentment, ensuring both can receive a fresh start.
If you or your ex want to be in each others’ lives again, romantically or platonically, asking questions is the best way to establish the terms in this situation.

Personal Experience: Source

MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.

i. 18 Questions I asked my ex about our breakup;
https://medium.com/unlearning-to-learn/18-questions-i-asked-my-ex-about-our-breakup-fe4525f4f3c8

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Reviewer Author Editor Fact Checker

Dr. Margaret Ann DixonPh.D. Psychology

Dr. Margaret Ann Dixon is a psychologist in private practice in the state of Nevada, USA. With 30 years of experience in the field, she provides therapy for couples and individuals - young and mature. She has a background in school psychology and has worked with parents, children, and school teams.

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Ratika holds a master's degree in commerce and a post-graduate diploma in communication and journalism from Mumbai University. She has 6 years of experience writing in various fields, such as finance, education, and lifestyle.

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Akshay is an associate editor and former journalist with more than four years of experience. A post graduate in Mass Communication and Journalism, he has strong professional and academic background in the field of content writing and editing.

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Benidamika J LatamMA, MSc

Benidamika holds a masters degree in Counseling Psychology from Assam Don Bosco University and another masters degree in English Literature from North Eastern Hill University. At MomJunction, Benidamika writes on human psychology and relationships.

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