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Marriage is a massive commitment, and the partners need complete understanding before they commit to it. But are you noticing signs he does not want to marry you? You might be ready to commit to him for eternity, but he seems unsure. Falling in love with someone is comparatively easier than staying in love for the rest of their lives. Marriage is such a commitment that it needs several discussions, judgments, and considerations before making the final wedding plans. However, if you notice your partner trying to avoid the topic of marriage or getting irritated whenever you bring it up, it might be a sign that he is not ready for the commitment yet. Read on to learn the common signs that he does not want to marry you. Keep in mind, though, that not all of these signs can be taken at face value, and you should thoroughly analyze your circumstances and seek professional help before jumping to conclusions.
Key Pointers
- Deviating from marriage talks and denying meetings with your friends and family could be signs that he doesn’t want to marry you.
- Look for more such prominent behaviors to help you decide the next step.
- Get clarity on his intentions before taking any step that you may regret later.
21 Signs He Doesn’t Want To Marry You
Check for these signs that often indicate that he is not interested in marrying you. They will help you make the right decision.
1. He doesn’t believe in marriage
Does he say marriage is not his cup of tea or that it’s a formality to keep two people tied to a relationship? If yes, it shows his disbelief in marriage. He might be in love with you but does not see marriage as a necessary way to be bonded together, or to live together.
Research says2. He doesn’t discuss marriage plans
He is a master of avoidance and aloofness, he easily brushes the topic aside and explains he has a different opinion. Also, his responses are not serious, and he shows his disinterest. He never brings the topic up on his own, and he is definitely not wanting to be married.
A boyfriend with least interest in marriage will never bring the topic up for discussion. He is full of hesitation and apathy when it comes to the topic of marriage and is more interested in flirty talks and fulfilling desires. So, stay alert and look for possible signs he doesn’t want to marry you.
3. He doesn’t introduce you to his family
When you are madly in love, you want to tell everyone about it. If you have never been introduced to any of his family members or invited to any family occasions, perhaps he doesn’t consider you as a long-term partner.
Moreover, in such a case, you’ve likely never met his close inner circle of friends either. If he is not interested in pursuing a relationship that culminates in marriage with you, he will keep you as far away from his family as possible.
4. He is not interested in your family and friends
If your partner doesn’t express interest in meeting your family, he perhaps doesn’t have marriage plans. When a man is invested in a relationship with you and sees you as a partner, he will want to get to know your family and friends. He will want to be a part of your inner circle and learn about everything in your life. If he never expressed an interest in meeting your family or getting to know your close friends, he has a disinclination toward marriage.
5. He keeps giving excuses
“Baby, we still have time.” “Let’s give each other some more time, and we will marry next year.” A disinterested boyfriend may never postpone his outing with friends or family celebrations, but whenever the marriage topic arises, he prefers to be uninvolved and always has excuses.
The different excuses he uses to justify himself certainly suggest he’s not going to ask you to marry him. A guy interested in marriage will make the most of the present time and plan for your future together.
Sharing a similar experience, Justine Mfulama, a dating and relationship coach, says, “What I had to hear repeatedly in my last relationship is that he doesn’t want to get married or with a little twist, he doesn’t feel ready to get married.” Based on this, she advises to listen the first time they express disinterest in marriage instead of trying to reason with it and take the necessary steps (i).
6. He never shares his emotional space
Every strong relationship revolves around some common ingredients—trust, loyalty, understanding, love, care, romance, surprises, and family. If he never shares his emotions and feelings with you, he doesn’t want you to be a part of his emotional space. Irrespective of the reason, it reflects a lack of commitment to you.
Mutual trust is vital for maintaining a long relationship. If he does not share his feelings and struggles with you, it means he does not trust you or see you as his partner. He may also be insecure and does not want to show his weakness to you. Regardless, if he wishes for a never-ending relationship with you, he will want to give you his time and want you to learn more about him as a person.
7. He doesn’t consider your priorities
Are your future goals, dreams, plans, and aspirations important to him? A serious boyfriend will look ahead to help make your life prosperous and happy. But if he keeps himself as his only priority and doesn’t share any future plans, he may not have serious feelings for you.
Don’t be surprised if you find out you’re not part of his plans. He may make sudden decisions to switch careers or cities without considering your relationship. It only means your relationship was a convenience for him and he did not put any thought into making it permanent.
Quick fact8. He suddenly stops taking you for outings
Every couple goes on dates and meets alone to spend quality time together. Dates help a couple discuss personal things going on in each other’s life. Many sweet memories of togetherness are created when you go on a date. Right from the beginning of your relationship, he must have taken you on dates.
But if he suddenly stops seeing you, it means he’s creating distance. Now, it can be the case that he is dealing with work pressure, financial struggles, or any other unforeseen circumstances. But if he does not come clean and communicate his issues with you and backs away from your life, it means he does not value you or your relationship anymore.
9. He’s nervous in making decisions
Some men find decision-making difficult. Be it about going on a date or planning to travel, does he seem confused? It’s natural if he is nervous at the beginning of the relationship. However, if you find him confused or hesitant even after you have been together for years, he may be questioning his confidence about marrying you.
10. He is insecure
Do you often have to please him and prove to him that you are loyal? Insecure men often misunderstand their partners, deem compliments as insults, find reasons to doubt when there aren’t any, are overly critical, and always need validation but do not offer any. Insecurity is not a part of a healthy relationship. If your relationship requires you to beg for commitments, it shows you are not an important part of his life.
Insecurity can also stem from other causes. A 2010 study conducted by researchers at the University of Virginia states that financial instability, health issues, and lack of education may be some of the leading causes why middle-class US men are reluctant to marry. The study concludes that “because infidelity, substance abuse, and unplanned pregnancies are more common in Middle America than they are in upscale America, Middle Americans are less likely than their better-educated peers to experience high-quality soul-mate relationships and are, hence, less likely to get and stay married. Their standards for marriage have increased, but their ability to achieve those standards has not (2).”
11. He uses you like an option
Does your boyfriend keep demanding from you and doesn’t care about your feelings? If he only thinks about his needs and not about yours, he may not be committed to the relationship or have plans to marry you. Becoming an option is not a good idea and keeping up hopes that he will marry you one day is not healthy.
Research has also shown that men often treat their partners as an option because they are waiting for their “soul mate.” A paper delivered as a keynote address at the 2002 Annual Smart Marriages Conference in Washington DC states, “Disturbingly, some significant number of men essentially reported that part of why they were resisting commitment in marriage was that they were not sure their female cohabitant was their soul mate (3).”
12. He has conflicted thoughts about marriage
If your guy gets upset when discussing marriage plans or quickly diverts from the topic, it’s a possible sign that he’s not interested in marriage. He might have already made up his mind not to marry you. Maybe he is going through conflicted thoughts—whether to hang on to you or let you go.
You may notice that discussing marriage makes him defensive and uncomfortable. If he lashes out or distracts you from the conversation every time you bring up marriage, he is in two minds about the relationship.
13. He creates a distance
Silent behavior, unresponsiveness, or keeping a distance from you is a strong sign of disinterest in you. He most likely has already made his mind up, and so he ignores you. This is one of the tactics men often use when they are not ready for a conversation about the future of the relationship. They slowly fade you out so that you lose interest, give up on the relationship, and eventually walk away from him, without him ever having to face his issues or working to make the relationship work.
Point to consider14. He doesn’t consider you important anymore
A true lover keeps his love as his top priority. If he stops making you important in his life, and makes excuses whenever you need him the most, chances are he has moved forward in his mind, and he doesn’t deserve you.
If a man considers you important in his life, he will be willing to make sacrifices to show his commitment. According to a study published in the Journal of Family Theory & Review, “The tendency of individuals to sacrifice, or forego immediate self-interest for the good of the partner or relationship, is strongly dependent on the presence of commitment. Not only does commitment predict the number of sacrifices performed for partners, it also is associated with both the degree to which individuals feel satisfied with sacrificing for their partner’s benefit and their willingness to sacrifice (4).”
15. He brings up his ex
Is your partner in touch or brings up his ex whenever you try to have a conversation? This could be one of the reasons why he won’t commit. If your boyfriend often talks about his ex-girlfriend or blames her for becoming uncaring and silent, it could be a reason to stay away and move on from thinking about marriage. A guy who doesn’t want to leave the past behind, even after your constant efforts may not have you in his future plans.
16. He doesn’t talk about the future
After falling in love, there’s so much a couple discusses—their future, honeymoon, wedding plans, children, old age, family, vacations, and more. If he’s serious, he will confidently discuss every topic. But, if he feels frustrated when you talk about them, it shows he’s not ready to marry you.
Research suggests that some men may be satisfied by the status quo and not be interested in taking the next step. A 2002 paper on men’s take on commitment states, “First and foremost, men report that they can enjoy many of the same benefits by cohabiting rather than marrying. Further, they report few social pressures to marry; not from family, not from friends, and not from the families of the women they live with. They also associate marriage, not cohabitation, with the possibility of financial loss…Essentially, they report that they are not ready for all the responsibility implied by marriage. To them, cohabitation without marriage provides all the desirable benefits of companionship without the potential risks of marriage (3).”
17. He doesn’t leave his bad habits
If a man has unhealthy habits, such as excessive smoking and drinking, and doesn’t try to work on breaking them, even after understanding your desires about them, it shows he doesn’t care about you. The addiction is more important to him, and he’ll have myriad excuses that clearly show he is not serious about planning a future with you.
Perhaps it is not the addiction or bad habit that he is attached to but his aversion to listening to you. A study has shown that men refuse to get married because when they do, their wives will be allowed to tell them what to do and not do, something that they don’t have to listen to if they are simply cohabiting (3).
18. He agrees, but never confirms the wedding date
A loving boyfriend would be excited about planning the wedding date and all that goes with it. Also, he would involve his family and friends in the plans. If he just can’t seem to confirm the date, he’s changing his mind about marrying you. This means he agreed to propose or marry you only as a form of acquiescence—he did not truly mean to follow through with his plans.
19. He shuts you down
He does not talk about his internal conflicts and family problems. Similarly, when you try to address any issues or concerns regarding the relationship or share anything troubling you, he ignores you or removes himself from the conversation. People in love share each other’s thoughts and emotional feelings. But if he disregards them and shuts you down, it reflects that he doesn’t consider you a life partner and has no intentions of marrying you.
20. He hides you on social media
A man who sees a future with you will introduce you to his social media people, even if he isn’t typically active on these platforms. This gesture means that you are an integral part of his life. However, if he doesn’t post the moments with you on social media, it could mean he doesn’t view you as a potential partner.
21. He fails to support your career goals
Marriage is often seen as a partnership where both individuals support and complement each other’s ambitions. You might bring about your future plans or career goals, but he appears indifferent. He may also make plans about his future without considering your goals and ambitions, just expecting you to tag along with him. His lack of concern could be one of the signs he doesn’t care about the relationship or see you as a long-term partner.
What To Do If He’s Not Interested In Marrying You?
If you have observed several signs that he is not sure about marrying you or has no interest in marriage at all, you must communicate your feelings to him. Here are a few tips to help you approach the conversation.
- Drop a few hints that you wish to talk about marriage to gauge his reaction. Don’t just drop the bomb on him out of the blue.
- If he seems receptive to the idea, clearly communicate to him the direction in which your relationship is going and the timeline you have in mind for marriage.
- If he seems averse to the idea or pointedly ignores you, find another time for the conversation. If such an opportunity does not show up, consider writing down your opinions and expectations in a letter.
- When approaching the topic of marriage, try to understand and respect his viewpoints. If he is delaying marriage for personal or career-related reasons, be supportive of him.
- Ask him about his view of marriage — whether he wants to marry you or anyone or how he views the institution.
- Don’t be timid; be calm and collected when you explain to him the reasons why you want to marry him and ask him why he isn’t ready to pop the question yet.
- Most importantly, don’t nag him about marriage or compare him with friends, family partners, and spouses. This is a surefire way to ruin any progress in the conversation.
Speaking about her experience with changing her boyfriend Jack’s views on marriage, blogger Diana Eskander writes, “When we spoke about marriage, yes, I made my desires clear – and yet, I never mentioned Jack. I didn’t say that he would be the one I married or that if he wanted to be with me he would have to get on the marriage train – he understood that very well on his own. I simply made my desires clear – with a gentle ‘with or without you’ undertone.”
She adds, “This made all the difference, because the pressure was off. I was simply being authentic, and with that information he could move in the direction of what resonated with him (ii).”
What comes next?
Now that you’ve brought up your concerns, are you wondering what to do if he’s not interested in marrying you? Your next course of action will depend on his reasoning. Here is what you can do.
- If your man is interested but shy or hesitant to execute marriage plans, take the initiative and persuade him to marry you. You can help him by resolving his apprehensions about marriage and giving him time.
- If your heart says he’s your true love but he does not believe in the institution of marriage, give him time. Try to share with him the reasons why marriage is so important to you, maybe then his disbelief about marriage might change. He may get serious about committing, taking vows, and walking down the aisle.
- If you have noticed signs that he’s not interested in pursuing a future with you and he constantly avoids the topic of marriage, you may have to take an unplanned step. If he does not want to marry you, let him go, and don’t run after him. Wait for the right person to arrive in your life. Marriage is a sacred commitment, so make a decision only when you are confident about the person.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What do guys look for in a woman they want to marry?
Every man or woman will have their preferences of what they want in their partner. If his physical or emotional criteria are not met, or some other factor hops in, those are signs he doesn’t want to marry you.
2. How long should I be with someone before getting married?
Waiting for a while before getting married, like three years and more, can reduce the chances of divorce. Not hurrying into a relationship and giving some time to get to know your partner can make the marriage healthy and prosperous.
3. Can a man be in a long-term relationship without any intention of getting married?
Everyone has their own perspective on marriage. For example, if your boyfriend doesn’t support or feel the need for marriage, he might intend to stay in a relationship for several years without getting married.
4. How can you tell if your partner prioritizes other things over marriage?
If your partner always has time for his work or friends but never has time for you and your desires, it means he is prioritizing other things over you. This could indicate that he has other priorities over marriage and hopes to keep this relationship running while attending to his priorities.
5. Are there any red flags to watch out for in a relationship when it comes to marriage?
Lying, jealousy, unwillingness to compromise, lack of communication, controlling tendencies, disrespect, and abusive behaviors are some red flags you need to look out for in a relationship when contemplating marriage.
6. How long does it take for a man to decide he wants to marry me?
Every person is unique. Some men choose to get married quickly, within a few days, while others may take anywhere between a few months to years or even longer. The time it takes to make this crucial life decision varies from person to person, and there is no fixed timeframe.
If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you may wonder when you will progress to the next stage of commitment: marriage. However, marriage requires the earnest commitment of two individuals, and reluctance from either one could cause issues. If your boyfriend shows most of the signs explained in this article, he may not be willing to invest his future in the relationship. Convey your feelings to him and note his replies. If it is certain he does not want to settle down, it might be time for you to rethink the state of this relationship. Since marriage is sacred, find yourself a man who values commitment as much as you do.
Infographic: Could You Be Unintentionally Pushing Him Away?
If he is insensitive and shows clear signs of no intention of marrying you, then walk away. But suppose he has been caring and loving throughout the relationship but hesitates to pop the question. In that case, you may take help from this infographic to understand if it’s something from your end that could be causing the issue. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Illustration: Clear Signs He Doesn’t Want To Marry You
Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team
Are you worried he’ll never commit? Check out this video for 5 signs he won’t marry you! Get the answers you need to make the right decision.
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. 5 Signs he will never marry you;https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lN55yvfjw4
ii. How I Got My Man to Change His Mind About Marriage.
https://dianaeskander.com/blog/blog/change-his-mind-about-marriage
References
- Marriage Rates in the United States 1900–2018.
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hestat/marriage_rate_2018/marriage_rate_2018.htm - W. Bradford Wilcox et. al.; (2010); When Marriage Disappears: The New Middle America.
https://nationalmarriageproject.org/sites/g/files/jsddwu1276/files/2024-06/StateOfOurUnions_2010.pdf - Scott M. Stanley; (2002); What is it with Men and Commitment, Anyway?
https://web.archive.org/web/20060620032447/http://www.prepinc.com/main/docs/commitment.pdf - Scott M. Stanley et. al.; (2010); Commitment: Functions, Formation, and the Securing of Romantic Attachment.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3039217/
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