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Affairs between colleagues have become a fact of life lately. It might even be you feeling something suspicious with your husband. Therefore, identifying the signs that your husband is cheating with a coworker can help you work through your relationship. For example, you may find him working up late, getting bored in bed, displaying an unusual sex drive, or even trying out new sex moves he’s never done before–these are some hints he could be cheating on you. Look out for more such signs so you can resolve them as soon as possible and save your marriage from falling apart.
Key Pointers
- Increased time spent at work, frequent traveling, no invitation to office events, and hiding phone/laptop are red flags indicating possible infidelity with a coworker.
- Trying new sex moves, increased libido, spending more on appearance and hobbies could be signs of extramarital affair with a coworker.
- If your husband gives you expensive gifts, shows interest, and helps with housework, he may be feeling guilty about cheating.
- Lack of interest, frequent arguments, and unavailability on the phone are signs of potential infidelity.
- It’s important to communicate with your partner and seek professional help if you suspect infidelity in your marriage.
18 Signs Your Husband Is Cheating With A Coworker
According to a survey by the employment portal SimplyHired, when 1,000 people were asked if they cheated on their partner with a coworker, 23% of men admitted to getting involved with an office colleague or with someone who was also cheating on their respective partner. The same question when put forth to women, 31% of them admitted that they cheated on their spouse with a coworker. The below graph shows the cheating trend among men and women.
The tendency of men or women to cheat on their partner with a coworker
Source: Cheating with a Co-Worker Can Hurt Workplace Morale; SimplyHired1. He’s spending more time at work
“I’m sorry, honey, but I’ll have to work late again. Do not wait for me,” is a classic red flag that your husband has an affair with a coworker. While it is understandable if your husband is working hard to advance in his career to provide a better life for your family or pursue his passion, if this occurs frequently, it is one of the signs of betrayal, suggesting that your husband is cheating with a coworker.
Do remember2. He’s frequently traveling
You will find him frequently traveling under the guise of work or business trips. The out-of-town business trip could be an opportunity for him to take a mini-vacation with his newfound love. However, if your husband insists on going alone every time, making excuses for why you can’t accompany him, you need to look into it.
3. He’s not inviting you to office parties
When your husband cheats on you with a coworker, he may refuse to invite you to office parties, especially when a work function invites the spouses. It’s possible that he’s having an affair with a coworker, that his coworkers are aware of his philandering ways, or that he’s trying to avoid exposure because you might meet the person with whom he’s having an affair.
4. He’s trying to look impressive
When your husband alters or reinvents his appearance from head to toe, such as dyeing his hair, getting new shoes, or upgrading the wardrobe, it is one of the tell-tale signs your husband is cheating with a coworker. Observe if your husband suddenly becomes interested in clothes, especially if he had never been known as a clotheshorse in the past.
5. He’s trying hard to be in shape
He may not have worked out in years and has shown no interest in getting in shape but suddenly starts going to the gym, jogging, or pursuing a similar fitness regimen. Perhaps your husband may be working hard to lose a few pounds because he wants to lose his tummy or extra fat for his lover.
6. He’s hiding his phone or laptop
Your husband might have an email account you didn’t know about, or he may have two phones, and you know about one only. He will often shut down his laptop or close the tabs on his screen as you enter the room or start taking calls by walking out of the room. When you inquire, he becomes secretive or defensive and claims they are work calls; however, he may be coochie-cooing with his girlfriend over the phone. These could be clear signs your man is texting another woman, indicating dishonesty and cheating.
Emails are one of the most common ways of secretly communicating with another person. They can be set up easily, and usually, no one checks emails immediately. An anonymous blogger shares her story of discovering her husband’s affair through their emails. In her blog, she shares that she was feeling discontent yet didn’t know what caused it. She writes, “But there I was at 2 a.m. going through his emails trying to find something. And then I saw the email to her that read: “I miss you……” Why would he tell another woman he missed her? And why did he email her a photo of my children? And why was her comment that it wasn’t like the other photos they had been sharing? And why was there no other photos in his email to or from her?” After some digging, the blogger found an alternative account and unearthed other emails. She adds, “I found 73 pages of emails from her to my husband detailing a year long affair (i).”
Quick tip7. He’s showing more sexual appetite
If he used to be excited in bed with you and is no longer, this could be one of the obvious signs your husband is cheating on you with a coworker.
Low libido may indicate that your partner is bored in bed and getting his sexual kick elsewhere. Conversely, he may have more sex with you because the excitement of an affair boosts his libido and sex drive. You may notice that your sex life is improving because your husband does not want to risk losing interest in you.
8. He’s trying new sex moves
There may be an increased desire for sex, combined with new sex techniques or sexual moves. It could be a new foreplay technique or even a new sex position he hasn’t tried before. Someone might be teaching your husband new moves in another bed, and he wants to try these new sex techniques at home to remind himself of the lover.
9. He’s overly interested in you
He appears to be more interested in you than usual. Possibly he may begin to assist with children’s care more often than usual or surprise you with gifts. He might even start doing chores around the house, such as washing dishes, ironing clothes, or finishing DIY projects he has been putting off for months. Perhaps he is remorseful for his infidelity and wishes to atone for his actions.
10. He’s not showing interest in you
This is nearly the inverse of him being overly interested in you. He no longer cares about what you did during the day or wants to hug or kiss you. If he becomes less interested in how you’re feeling, it usually indicates that he is getting an emotional fix for his unhappiness elsewhere. It is one of the surest signs of a married man in love with another woman.
11. He’s rushing to the shower often
As soon as your husband gets home, he might rush to the shower, which, if unusual, suggests something may be wrong. Maybe he wants to freshen up when he gets home from work; nothing wrong with that. But, if he hasn’t done this in years of marriage, you should start worrying about his love for showers. He might be trying to get rid of the scent of another woman’s perfume.
BG Donovan, a blogger, recalls having experienced the same before she found out her husband was cheating. She writes, “When he comes home he goes straight to the bathroom and into the shower. He doesn’t say hello, he doesn’t acknowledge me in any form. So my mind starts to ask ‘Why does a man come home and go straight to the shower?’ Maybe because he smells or feels dirty.
“But Chris’ job was in an office. He didn’t work a physical job like construction or in a factory job. There was no reason for him to be “dirty” from work. My mind would lead to the conclusion that he either smelled like a bar, smoke, or another woman. After the shower, he would go straight to bed. Whether I was awake or asleep. I think this evening I was in bed but not asleep yet. I couldn’t fall asleep because I kept worrying about where he had been and what he was doing. I think I asked him if he wanted to talk but he said no (ii).”
12. He’s unavailable over the phone
Being unavailable or unreachable for extended periods, claiming no phone service or that the phone battery had died, is a red flag that he is cheating on you. It happens to all of us, but not all the time, every day, or even every week. When your husband cheats on you with a coworker, he may be using a dual SIM phone or the call forwarding feature. If you call him, he may abruptly end the conversation or be talking to another woman.
13. He’s picking up new tastes, hobbies
A cheater is often enamored not only with his lover but also with her tastes, hobbies, food, music, or movies. For example, if your husband is afraid of heights, you may notice that he has developed an interest in mountain climbing or bungee jumping. If he was a fan of rock music, he might have developed an interest in classical music. Of course, he could be broadening his frontiers, but it’s also possible that he’s trying to impress his secret lover by aligning with her likes and dislikes.
14. He’s constantly arguing
One of the more obvious signs that your husband is cheating on you with a coworker is the emergence of incessant and pointless arguments with the spouse.
He becomes unresponsive and unapproachable. You may be confused as to why the actual source of the argument is frequently trivial or ambiguous. The causes could be his stress over the affair or his feeling trapped and unable to spend time with his lover. Such arguments will create distance between you two.
15. He’s uninterested in conversations
He appears uninterested in conversations or any engagement because he may be frustrated being at home, surrounded by all the elements that prevent him from being with his lover. You may also notice him being uninterested in topics you or other family members would discuss at the dinner table. If you bring up one of those topics, your husband may either make a dismissive remark or shrug or respond so that the conversation is rendered meaningless.
16. He’s lavishing gifts
Keep an eye out for unusual cash withdrawals or excessive credit card balances because your husband may be spending money on expensive gifts, dinner date nights, hotel rooms, or vacations to please his lover. In contrast, he may start getting you lavish gifts. You may notice a change in his generous behavior in giving you gifts because he is in a better mood than usual when he is cheating.
17. He’s accusing you
He may accuse you of manipulating him emotionally. He may be trying to avoid suspicion by accusing you of cheating. When someone cheats, they become paranoid, believing that their partner is also cheating because of their guilty conscience. He does this to either alleviate his guilt from being with someone else or confuse you because you can’t accuse him when he is doing the same with you.
18. He has started to lie frequently
Dishonesty in a relationship can be a significant cause for concern and might point to underlying issues, including infidelity. If your partner frequently lies, you need to understand his motives through open communication. He may lie to cover up his actions and avoid facing the consequences of infidelity. He may also lie to maintain a facade and protect himself from the potential fallout of unfaithfulness. Fear of hurting you, guilt, or a desire to keep the affair hidden are common motivations for dishonesty. So, if you catch him lying quite often, know that it is one of the signs he is seeing someone else.
What To Do If You Think Your Husband Is Cheating With A Coworker?
Finding your husband cheating on you with a coworker is an incredibly difficult and emotional situation. Here are some things you can keep in mind to ensure you preserve your mental well-being while dealing with it.
1. Process your emotions
Take a step back and avoid making impulsive decisions. You may feel overwhelmed, angry, and hurt. However, before taking any action, such as confronting your husband or exposing the coworker, give yourself some time to process the initial shock.
2. Collect and confirm evidence
If you have found something incriminating, ensure it is accurate. Even images in today’s times may be altered. Do not base your decision on assumptions. However, once you are convinced that the evidence is accurate, collect it. Look in places that are readily accessible to you instead of unethical hacking or planning a confrontation at their workplace.
3. Fix the right approach
Choose a calm setting for your confrontation. You can decide the time and place according to your emotional readiness. Once you confront your husband, stick to the facts instead of approaching with anger. For instance, instead of saying, “I always knew something was wrong!” you can say, “I found these texts between you and your coworker. Can you explain these?”
4. Listen to him
Even if it is hard to hear, let him explain his actions. His reaction will tell you whether he wants to take accountability or not. For example, if he starts with an apology and proceeds to explain, he is truly repentant of his actions. However, if he comes up with scenarios where he starts blaming you for his actions, he feels he is not guilty.
5. Seek support
Talking with trusted people will help. These people could be close friends, family, or a counselor. However, they should be able to navigate you through this time without biased feelings. They may support your decisions but they should not make your decisions for you or force their own feelings on you. You can also consider both couple and individual therapy to process your emotions.
6. Set boundaries and clear expectations
You can demand transparency about work interactions and regular communication. You can also schedule deep conversations with your partner that allow you to trust them again.
7. Plan your future
Whether you want to remain in the marriage or separate is completely up to you. However, in both cases, you must change your mindset. If you plan to leave, ensure you have enough support from your friends and family. Consult a lawyer to understand your rights, responsibilities, and custody, if applicable. If you plan to stay in the marriage, enforce boundaries and follow up regularly on them. Whatever you decide, trust your instincts.
Research conducted on British men and women revealed that 44% of men and 32% of women cheated on their partner with a work colleague (1). According to a YouGov survey, 33% of people in monogamous relationships in the US admit to having cheated either physically or emotionally on their partner (2) (3). In 2021, 21% of people in the US reported to have cheated on any partner in the US (4). Out of these, around half of all those who cheated met their new partner at work (5).
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How do workplace affairs start?
Like any other affairs, workplace affairs also start with attraction and admiration. This attraction towards a person in the workplace may gradually become an affair while working towards shared goals and spending a lot of time on projects. Workplace affairs may also start with one’s ambition to achieve higher positions through connections and shortcuts.
2. How many affairs begin in the workplace?
In 2018, 36% of workers reported that they were dating a coworker. Out of these, 24% had a workplace affair in which one person was married at the time (6).
3. How long do work affairs last?
There is no fixed duration to suggest how long a workplace affair lasts. Depending on the bond both parties share, it may last for months or years.
4. What should I do if I suspect my partner is cheating?
If you suspect your husband is cheating on you with a coworker, the first step is to confirm your suspicions by gathering and documenting evidence. Only when you have irrefutable proof of his infidelity should you confront him. Besides this, you may consult trusted friends or a professional to sort out your feelings and figure out your next steps.
5. How can I confront my husband about my suspicions?
When you have evidence that your husband is cheating and you wish to confront him about your suspicions, the first thing to remember is to be calm and level-headed. Focus on the facts without blaming him and sounding accusatory, and give him a chance to explain his perspective and actions. Express your feelings clearly, but be prepared for denial. You must keep the conversation on track even if your partner digresses or shifts the blame onto you. Consider taking a break and restarting the conversation later if the situation goes out of hand.
There’s nothing worse than a suspicion that you’ve been cheated on. The above signs your husband is cheating with a coworker may indicate that your husband is unfaithful to you. Choosing to remain silent about your doubts or trying to ignore them may only result in further deception and damage to your relationship. However, the best way to find out if your husband is cheating on you is to confront him and get him to express his feelings directly.
Infographic: What If Your Husband Wants A Second Chance After His Office Affair?
Work affairs are becoming increasingly common. Sometimes, it’s intentional, and sometimes a mistake and a one-time thing. Whether or not to accept your husband’s apology is up to you. But if you decide to give your marriage a second chance, specific rules need to be established to help both of you get back stronger. Take notes from this infographic to get started. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Illustration: Subtle Signs Your Husband Is Cheating With A Coworker
Image: Dall·E/MomJunction Design Team
Is your spouse acting differently? Are they distant and secretive? These could be signs your spouse is having an affair. Watch this video to learn more.
Personal Experience: Sources
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. My story: How I discovered my husband’s affair.
https://healingaftermyhusbandsaffair.wordpress.com/2012/10/28/my-story/
ii. The night I discovered my husband cheated.
https://medium.com/@9pinetreedrive/the-night-i-discovered-my-husband-cheated-aa9ec796834
References
- Who do British men and women have affairs with?
https://www.statista.com/chart/3510/who-british-men-and-women-have-affairs-with/ - How many Americans have cheated on their partners in monogamous relationships?
https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/43605-how-many-americans-have-cheated-their-partner-poll - Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America.
https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america - Share of respondents who reported to have cheated on any partner in the United States from 1960 to 2021.
https://www.statista.com/statistics/1367073/us-reported-to-infidelity/ - Ami Rokach and Sybil H Chan; (2023); Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10002055/ - The Extramarital Affair at Work.
https://www.shrm.org/in/topics-tools/news/employee-relations/extramarital-affair-work
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