19 Probable Signs Your Partner Wants To Leave You

Image: Midjourney/ MomJunction Design Team

Suppose you are in a healthy relationship with your partner. However, suddenly, your spouse starts to behave differently, leaving you wondering if these are the signs your partner wants to leave you. They may start to be secretive, be grumpy and unhappy in your company, and even express their disinterest in you.

Your partner’s changed behaviors may cause you to experience hurt and anguish and tingle your intuition. Altogether, it is better to be aware of any red flags so you can prepare yourself for the worst.

If you are in such a situation and think your spouse wants to move out of the relationship, this post will help you recognize the signs that your partner wants to leave you. Reading them could help you understand the possible things going wrong in your relationship.

19 Signs Your Partner Wants To Leave You

The partner, who intends to leave, shows a combination of signs. These signs could indicate that your partner is considering leaving you. However, don’t come to conclusions until you are sure about it.

1. They avoid you

Do you think your partner is avoiding you? Say, they have been canceling the outing or dinner plans you make. They are trying to avoid late-night talks and prefer watching TV alone. They come home very late, sometimes not until after you have gone to bed. For example, let’s say you plan a romantic dinner date, but they give you a work excuse and don’t show up.

These behavior changes could suggest that they are trying to stay away from you. Over time, they will move farther away from you and avoid spending any quality time with you. These changes in behavior, without any apparent reason, like a recent fight, could be considered red flags indicating avoidance on their part.

2. They don’t talk about the future or involve you in plans

Every couple makes certain plans, like buying a house, raising children, going on a trip, or creating a joint bank account. But in recent times, your partner doesn’t show any interest. Even when you try to pull them into such discussions, they evade.

One of the probable signs that your partner wants to leave you is their increasing indifference towards your relationship. In some cases, your partner makes plans with friends or family members but does not invite you. You only come to know later through common friends and relatives. Or, if you bring up the idea of planning a vacation together, they shut you down and say they don’t want to think that far ahead. If such episodes have become common lately, it could be a matter of concern.

3. They don’t communicate with you

A significant indicator that your partner is considering leaving you is the breakdown of communication. For instance, if you ask them how their day went, they may answer vaguely, that it was fine, but not elaborate. Or they may brush you off with a comment like, “I don’t want to talk about it,” when you try to bring up any concerns.

When partners stop discussing their feelings or sharing personal thoughts, it can create a chasm in the relationship. Open communication is vital for addressing issues before they escalate. Seek to have honest conversations about your concerns and feelings to gauge where your partner stands.

4. They are not interested in physical intimacy

Intimacy keeps the relationship active and healthy. Lack of intimacy or meaningful connection to a romantic partner negatively affects a relationship. A 2020 study on the topic found that people who felt less rewarded in a relationship were more likely to experience a breakup (1).

So, if you are experiencing a decline in your intimate life or a loss of intimacy, for instance, they refuse to hug, kiss, or initiate intimate contact with you, you should talk to your partner about it. They may give you reasons like stress or fatigue when you bring up your concerns. It’s okay for a while. But if it continues for a while, it could indicate that your partner wants to maintain a distance from you and is considering separation.

5. They no longer express their love

Some people express their love by saying, ‘I love you’ several times a day. A few of them kiss or do something unique to make their partner feel special. You know what your partner does to express love. Perhaps they used to leave you sweet messages or notes every day. Maybe they gave you small surprises often. But if you think such instances are now missing from your life, it could be one of the signs that your relationship is over.

Point to consider

Another surefire sign your partner is thinking of leaving you could be when they flirt with others even in your presence.

6. They act secretive

Everyone has secrets, but when your partner hides things that do not need to be hidden from you, it is a cause for concern. Let’s say your partner shuts down their laptop the moment you enter the room. They sneak out of the house when someone calls or sneak out when you are asleep. If you ask them where they are going, they give vague answers like, “Just going out for a bit.” These kinds of secretive acts could seem unusual, and could be due to their intention to break up.

7. They spend time away from home

Not everyone likes to stay home all the time, but if your partner is constantly looking for excuses to be away from you and spends less and less time at home, he may be distancing himself from you. For instance, your spouse is enjoying their friends’ company more than yours, or they are going early and coming late from the office. The time spent with you at home is decreasing with each passing day. Your partner is neither spending weekends nor family holidays with you. It could be a sign of emotional detachment.

8. They fight a lot

Quarreling is common in a relationship. But you both forget and get along with time as a healthy couple. However, of late, your partner is picking up several fights over trivial matters. Say they’re upset over how the dishes are cleaned or how the laundry is done. They refuse to resolve conflicts even when you try to reconcile. Persistent frustration and irritation in your partner’s interactions with you may suggest they are unhappy in the relationship.

High levels of conflict and disagreement and low levels of support increase the likelihood of a breakup in the near future (2). So, if your partner disagrees with everything you say or do, it is one of the clear signs he doesn’t care about the relationship.

9. They constantly disapprove of you

Your partner once used to enjoy spending time with you. But things have changed now. When you sit together, they either get angry at you or look upset, displaying a lack of affection. They don’t seem to care how you are and where you are, or even bother to find out if and why you are upset. They don’t pay attention when you don’t come home or if you are crying. They may constantly criticize everything you do, from the way you dress to how you choose to handle situations. This shows their falling interest in the relationship and reflects their unhappiness with you.

10. They give you the silent treatment

Partners in a relationship argue, nag, taunt, scold, and fight. What they don’t do is stay silent. If your spouse is shutting you down entirely without validating their reasons, it could be troublesome. For instance, they may stop talking to you for days following an argument, or they may remain silent and unaffected, avoiding eye contact. Sometimes, when situations change and things are unexpressed, it could be an alarming moment, signifying a chasm in your relationship.

11. They talk about a break

After a big argument or a fight, your spouse may ask you for some space. That’s completely normal once or twice. But what if they frequently say ‘It’s enough,’ ‘Maybe we need some time apart,’ or ‘I need a break from you or this relationship.’ Or, they may insist on taking a break from the relationship after a minor disagreement. It doesn’t feel logical, does it? It may indicate that they have mentally checked out from the relationship and intend to increase their distance from you. This can be one of the signs that your marriage is over.

Do remember

First, talk to your partner about your feelings directly rather than involving your friends or family. It can help avoid mistrust and other complications.

12. They separate the financial accounts

Did you notice anything suspicious about your spouse’s financial activities? Creating a personal bank account is fine, but not informing anything and separating money from your joint bank accounts is fishy. If they don’t give you any reasoning, it could be a clue that they are considering separation and are no longer happy in the relationship.

13. They work on their appearance

Working out, dressing up, and bringing personality changes are not worth worrying about. But if all these changes are quite sudden and they don’t tell you what’s happening or what their motivation is behind making such drastic changes, then you may have to think about it. Such a transformation certainly raises suspicion of possible infidelity and may indicate the impending end of your relationship.

14. They get defensive

When your partner gives you backhand comments for everything, the resentment is clearly visible. For instance, if you ask them about their changed behavior, they may get angry and say, “Why are you always accusing me of something?” or “Of course, you think I’m being suspicious.” Teasing each other in a relationship with playful comments is normal. However, holding anger and criticism in every line they speak is not acceptable in a healthy relationship.

15. They constantly use the phone

Phones are an inescapable part of our lives. But depending on the phone instead of spending time with you may indicate something more suspicious. You may find your spouse using the phone all day and night, sometimes smiling and then moving away from you. Either they want some distraction in life, or they are having an affair. If such a thing goes on for weeks and months, then it could be a red flag.

16. They disconnect you from social media

Everyone deserves privacy, but if your spouse or partner hides their account and posts on social media from you, it could be a huge red flag. Let’s say lately, your spouse is trying to hide their stories and updates from you on their social media accounts. They don’t interact with you online but stay connected with other people. That may seem okay when you were teenagers or dating. But in a serious relationship, if something as such happens, it could be something to think about.

17. They threaten or joke about leaving you

When it’s on their lips, it could be in their mind. If they say things like, “Maybe we’re bad for each other,” “Maybe you’re better off without me,” or “We wouldn’t have to deal with it if we were not together,” etc., in humor or when you are having a serious conversation, it could be a concern. They may be using humor as a way to test your reaction to them possibly leaving you in the near future. You may have to pay attention to their words and behavior and act accordingly.

18. They refuse to visit a counselor

Your marriage or relationship seems to be breaking, and you want to fix it by seeking advice from a counselor. You want everything to be normal, but your partner pays no heed to it. They neither want to answer your questions nor accompany you for counseling sessions or therapy. For instance, they may dismiss your concerns and say, “What’s the point?” or “That never works for anyone.” These are signs he is losing interest in you and doesn’t want to mend the relationship.

19. They take bigger steps

Bigger steps here refer to cutting off communication and moving away from the house. You try your best to work on your relationship. You impress your partner, plan dates, buy gifts, and try to talk. But your partner is neither focusing on your efforts nor trying to explain their changed behavior. Occasionally, the partner who wants to leave the relationship presents the signs in such a way as to provoke a negative reaction from you, thus justifying the break-up. It clearly expresses that they want to break the relationship or marriage.

What To Do If Your Partner Wants To Leave You

If you’ve noticed the signs that your partner is thinking of leaving you, you must prepare yourself for the eventual breakup. Here are some things you can do:

1. Don’t blame yourself: If you realize that they want to end things with you, but you have not been unfaithful or done anything to hurt them, do not think the breakup is your fault.
2. Reflect, but do not overthink: While you can reflect on your past actions or cracks in your relationship dynamics that you may have missed, do not overthink the past and the future and stress yourself out.
3. Communicate openly: If you and your partner are still on speaking terms, have an honest conversation with them about your observations and feelings. Ask them to share their perspective so you can understand them.
4. Respect their decision: If they have indicated that they would like a break from the relationship or to maintain distance from you, respect that decision. Attempting to control, convince, or coerce them to do otherwise may have opposite results.
5. Focus on yourself: Instead of focusing on what you could have done differently, use this time to take care of yourself. Do activities that bring you joy and fulfillment and concentrate on personal growth. 
6. Build a support network: Lean on your closest friends and family members for emotional support during this time. Don’t try to handle everything on your own or give in to self-destructive habits like self-harm or substance use.
7. Consider professional help: If your partner is open to it, consider couples therapy or counseling to speak openly about underlying issues with the assistance of a neutral third party.
8. Plan for your future but don’t make any major decisions: Use this time to think about your future goals and plans independently. This will help you find a sense of purpose and direction moving forward. However, don’t make any major decisions during this time; you are still emotionally vulnerable and may end up making a choice that you regret.
9. Set boundaries: If your partner is on speaking terms with you and you have not broken-up yet, establish clear and firm boundaries to protect your mental health.

Infographic: How To Approach Your Partner If They Want To Leave You?

Once you have checked these signs and they match your partner’s behavior, you need to decide the way forward. Go through the infographic below for suggestions to help you make a mature decision without jumping to conclusions.

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Illustration: Probable Signs Your Partner Wants To Leave You

Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team

It’s time to face the facts: your relationship may be over. Here are the 5 signs to look out for.

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Reviewer Author Editor Fact Checker

Dr. Carlos Juan Carmona-GoyenaPhD (Counseling Psychology)

Dr. Carlos Juan Carmona-Goyena is a board licensed therapist in the USA and Puerto Rico with a specialty in couples, families, and relationships. Dr. Carlos possesses a PhD in Counseling Psychology granted at the Interamerican University of Puerto Rico.

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Shikha ThakurMBA

Shikha is a writer-turned-editor at MomJunction, with over seven years of experience in the field of content. Having done a certification in Relationship Coaching, her core interest lies in writing articles that guide couples through their courtship to marriage and parenthood.

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Akshay NairMA

Akshay is an associate editor and former journalist with more than four years of experience. A post graduate in Mass Communication and Journalism, he has strong professional and academic background in the field of content writing and editing.

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Benidamika J LatamMA, MSc

Benidamika holds a masters degree in Counseling Psychology from Assam Don Bosco University and another masters degree in English Literature from North Eastern Hill University. At MomJunction, Benidamika writes on human psychology and relationships.

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