Image: Midjourney/ MomJunction Design Team
Knowing what to look for in a guy is against the old saying that love is blind and doesn’t bode well with practicality. But this question is more sensible in real life since reality is not so poetic. Relationships tend to take a negative turn because people usually enter a relationship without realizing what they need in a partner. This is why dating experts suggest listing down the traits that we look for in a compatible partner. This exercise could save you the torment of a bad relationship. It will also give you more confidence and realistic expectations from your partner. Scroll down as we list a few traits that we thought could be helpful in this post.
Key Pointers
- Being aware of certain key attributes to look for in a guy can help you decide whether he is your Mr. Right.
- If he is interested in you, accepts your imperfections, and supports all your endeavors, he could be the one for you.
- Moreover, if he is responsible, mature, and trustworthy, he may be a right match for you.
19 Things To Look In For In A Guy
Most women fall for the good looks and the charm of a guy. However, they may not help in a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship. Understanding key traits that contribute to a strong relationship is crucial to promote mutual growth and emotional fulfillment. So, here’s what to look for in a partner before committing yourself into the relationship.
1. He is loving
Relationships are about love, affection, and appreciation. It is a no-brainer that the guy in your life should care about you and make you feel loved and valued. If he plans surprises for you on special days such as birthdays and anniversaries and remembers the little things that matter to you, he could just be the one. After all, how could a guy who never hesitates from telling you and others that you are special to him not be the right choice?
2. He is supportive
They say that behind every successful man is a woman. But what they forget to tell you is that behind every successful woman is an understanding and selfless man. As per a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, relationship satisfaction increased significantly in those who received active support for self-expansion (1). So, if your man gets as happy as you when you get promoted, encourages you to work hard and achieve your goals, and talks about your achievements with pride, consider it a blessing.
3. He loves your imperfections
All of us have our share of flaws and imperfections. If a guy wants you to act properly all the time then he is not the right choice for you. Things such as you laughing too loud, your love for binge-watching a certain show, or having messy hair should not bother him too much. As a partner, he should accept you for who you are and respect you no matter what.
Point to consider4. He is confident
A partner who is not sure about himself or what he wants can be draining. You will always feel alone and insecure with such a guy. A confident guy, in contrast, will not hesitate to take things forward nor be jealous or insecure about your friends and achievements. Moreover, he won’t shy away from accepting his mistakes and telling you about yours too.
5. He has a good sense of humor
Life is a tough path with uncertainties and downfalls. We face many ups and downs daily, and it would be great to have a partner who can make you laugh with his crisp sense of humor. A study done by communication expert Jeffrey A. Hall shows that positive humor can bring about greater relationship satisfaction (2). Therefore, if the man in your life can laugh at himself and make you happy after a stressful day at work or when you make a silly mistake, he might be worth it.
6. He is a good communicator
Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. As partners, you should be able to communicate your feelings, fears, anxieties, vulnerabilities, and dreams with each other. Studies state that attaining relationship satisfaction lies at the heart of responding constructively in romantic relationships, as it shows the partner cares and appreciates the partner (3). So, if the guy you love likes to keep his matters to himself and shows no interest in what you share with him, it might be best to bid him bye.
7. He puts you first
Relationships nourish when your thoughtful partner prioritizes you over anyone. If a man truly loves you, he would always put you first. You will be the center of his actions, and he will think about your comfort and ease first. For example, he would know about your interests, plan things that excite you, and put distractions away when he is with you.
8. He is curious about you
A relationship can only work if both the partners are interested in each other. The guy who loves you will always be curious to know everything about you. He would like to know about your hobbies, likes, dislikes, dreams, and aspirations. After all, it is not possible to love someone if that person doesn’t spark your curiosity.
Here is what Richard Schwartz, an associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, has to say about couples and curiosity: “What keeps love alive is being able to recognize that you don’t really know your partner perfectly and still being curious and still be exploring. Which means, in addition to being sure you have enough time and involvement with each other — that that time isn’t stolen — making sure you have enough separateness that you can be an object of curiosity for the other person (i).”
9. He is kind
One of the biggest mistakes you can make while looking for a partner is not prioritizing kindness and generosity. It is important to see if the guy is kind and has compassion. We all treat our dear ones with love and respect. But a man who is respectful to others and does noble things, such as offering his seat to the elderly and spending time volunteering for a cause close to his heart, will probably always be polite to you.
10. He has integrity and values
You cannot trust someone who has no values and changes his stand now and then. When you make a list of things to look for in a guy, you must put integrity and trustworthiness on the top. A man of integrity keeps his promises, speaks the truth even when it is hard, and does not compromise on his values or betray your trust.
Do remember11. He is positive
If you think that good looks and money are enough for a happy relationship, then think again! Having a guy who radiates optimism and finds joy in the little things can lift your spirit whenever you feel low and lost. He will show you the brighter side of everything and help you tide over the crises in life with patience.
12. He is Independent
If a man cannot take care of his expenses and make his own decisions, then it is better to steer clear of him. Only an independent man can value your freedom. He won’t feel insecure when you meet your friends, spend time with your family, go on solo trips, or enjoy some me-time.
13. He is passionate
A man without passion lacks motivation and ambition and can be boring. So before dating someone, make sure that he is passionate about something. He can be passionate about his work, trekking, social work, or anything. This is an important thing to look for in a guy because research states that passion plays a critical role in maintaining psychological well-being over time (4).
14. He is responsible
A guy who smokes, rides a bike, and punches people may not be as cool as depicted in movies. If you want a stable relationship for yourself, make sure your guy is responsible and sensible. A stable guy will show up on time and be ready to take responsibility. His deliberate efforts and dependability can help keep the relationship smooth and exciting.
15. He is emotionally mature
Emotional maturity is essential if you seek a long-term relationship with a guy. After all, you would not want to date someone who throws tantrums now and then. If your partner is emotionally mature, you will be able to discuss anything and everything with him. He will also evaluate situations by keeping all the aspects in mind and help solve any issues in the relationship.
16. He shares common interests with you
Life can be so much fun when your partner is also interested in the things you find exciting! Studies state that personality similarities lead to positive relationship outcomes (5). While this doesn’t mean your guy should share all your interests, it will be great if you have some of them, such as a love for cooking, traveling, or watching movies, in common. It can help you establish relationship compatibility and keep outsiders from intruding into your relationship.
17. He is honest
Being in a relationship with a guy who manipulates things instead of being honest and upfront can turn the relationship sour. Research has proven that people with higher honesty and humility are less likely to cause relationship-based dishonesty (6). Therefore, look for an honest and straightforward guy whose actions align with what he speaks to make the relationship effortless.
18. He is ambitious
Being ambitious can be an important trait to consider when you look forward to building a long-term partnership with a guy. An ambitious guy is motivated and always strives to be the best version of himself. He has clear goals, a vision, and a drive to achieve them. He is determined and focused on achieving his goals. Ambition can contribute to personal growth and a drive to excel in everything, including relationships. Ambitious people are also focused on financial stability, which contributes to a better life.
19. He is vulnerable
Vulnerability is a desirable quality in a man. A person who puts aside his ego and is willing to be vulnerable with you can make an excellent partner. A vulnerable guy doesn’t hesitate to show his feelings. He is not afraid to be himself and share what is on his mind. It is like being honest and real about good and not-so-good things. This openness creates trust and helps you understand each other better, strengthening the bond. So, finding a guy who can be a bit vulnerable can make the relationship strong and fulfilling.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What are some red flags to watch out for when looking for a guy?
Eyeing other women in your presence, treating you or anyone around you disrespectfully, lying habitually, showing no interest in you, and displaying signs of aggression are some red flags to watch out for when looking for a guy. Also, watch out for lack of communication and disrespect towards your boundaries.
2. How important is a guy’s level of ambition?
Ambition in a guy is important for a healthy relationship. However, too much ambition also is not good. If a guy’s ambition is all that matters to him, the relationship may not be his priority, leading to disappointments.
3. What should I look for in a guy’s family background?
A guy’s family background should not matter too much if he is a genuinely good person and you truly love him. However, you may still ensure that his family has no criminal history. He must share a good bond with his folks or at least have respect for them.
4. What should I look for in a guy’s past relationships?
You need to know the reason why his past relationships did not work. It will give you an idea of what you can expect from him in a relationship and helps you better understand him. You also need to know the kind of girls he has dated to know what kind of partner he is interested in.
5. What are some qualities that make a guy a good listener?
He remembers minor details about you that you mentioned to him. He gives you his undivided attention. He does not interrupt when you are talking. He exhibits positive language, such as nodding and leaning toward you. These qualities are often signs of a good listener.
6. How important is it for a guy to have similar interests as me?
Common interests are a medium for a couple to bond. However, in a relationship, ‘opposites attract,’ so do not worry if you and your boyfriend do not have common interests. You can always develop a common interest to help you bond.
Having clarity on what to look for in a guy, such as the characters, can help you save time, energy, and, more importantly, the torment of a broken relationship. A good sense of humor, loyalty, being supportive, caring, empathy, emotional intelligence, honesty, and also being responsible are some things that make a guy a good partner. Over and above that, accepting your imperfections and sharing common interests can make him more attractive. Finally, if you are happy and relaxed when he’s around, you can consider building a relationship with him.
Infographic: Important Traits To Look For In The Man Of Your Dreams
Having the right partner beside you will make your life a happy journey. So, choose the right man for you before embarking on a relationship or marriage. Explore the infographic below to learn about some key attributes a man should possess, whether you’re looking for a boyfriend or a husband.
Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Illustration: Important Qualities: What To Look For In A Guy?
Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. When love and science double datehttps://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/02/scientists-find-a-few-surprises-in-their-study-of-love/
References
- Hayley C. Fivecoat et al.; (2014); Partner support for individual self-expansion opportunities: Effects on relationship satisfaction in long-term couples
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/266375353_Partner_support_for_individual_self-expansion_opportunities_Effects_on_relationship_satisfaction_in_long-term_couples - Jeffrey A. Hall.; (2017); Humor in romantic relationships: A meta-analysis: Humor meta-analysis
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/314634799_Humor_in_romantic_relationships_A_meta-analysis_Humor_meta-analysis - Priscilla Maria De Netto et al.; (2021);Communication, the Heart of a Relationship: Examining Capitalization, Accommodation, and Self-Construal on Relationship Satisfaction
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8710473/?utm_source - Robert J Vallerand.; (2012); The role of passion in sustainable psychological Well-being
https://www.lrcs.uqam.ca/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/The-role-of-passion-in-sustainable-psychological-well-being.pdf - Nathan A Lewis et al.;(2020); Within-Couple Personality Concordance Over Time: The Importance of Personality Synchrony for Perceived Spousal Support
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7756696/?utm_source= - Nina Reinhardt et al.; (2023); Honesty-humility negatively correlates with dishonesty in romantic relationships
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36622705/
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