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The teenage years are marked by physical, emotional, and hormonal changes. And these changes make teenagers more prone to behavioral issues such as stubbornness. So, in this post, we tell you how to deal with a stubborn teenager.
If your child is stubborn, shouting or lashing back at them is not the answer. Instead, you should exercise your assertiveness in a strong yet calm manner and teach them about being respectful towards the family. Reacting to their stubbornness by losing your temper will only make things worse. Read on to learn more about ways to parenting stubborn teenagers.
How To Deal With Stubborn Teenagers
Here are a few effective and practical suggestions on how to deal with a stubborn teenager.
1. Your Teen Is An Individual Too, Not Just A Teen:
One of the biggest misconceptions about the teenage years is that every teen behaves a certain way.
- While you may feel that is correct, it is not fair to generalize your teen with everyone else.
- One of the first steps you need to take to reach out through your teen’s stubborn streak is to understand him as an individual.
Tip: Let your teen see that you respect his individuality and that you know there is no single way to handle situations.
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2. Understand Your Teen:
You may think that you know your teen, but how well do you actually know him?
- As a parent, you may know about things like what your teen likes to eat or who your teen’s best friend is. But these are all questions that most parents may know of their teens, as a by-product of living together.
- To actually understand your teen, ask yourself questions that will tell you how well you actually know your teen’s real life and his boundaries, and his world.
Tip: Try and understand more important aspects of your teen’s life. Find out what embarrasses them, what they do when they are sad or lonely, who they turn to for sharing their worries, what scares them, or what fears they have. Have patience and empathy.
Point to consider3. Know Your Battles And Don’t Stress On Every Topic:
With a teenager in the house, there are bound to be many fights and disagreements that can almost be a daily affair.
- If you indulge in every disagreement and fight with your teen, it will only create an atmosphere of hostility. It will also make your teen act more stubborn towards you.
- Understand what topics are more important and need to be taken up with your teen, even if you know it will be a disagreement.
Tip: Make sure you don’t communicate displeasure with anything and everything that your teen does. Pick your topics depending on the necessity and importance. For instance, do not admonish your teen for all clothes choices. Instead, make yourself heard if you feel it is too revealing or inappropriate.
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4. Think From Your Teen’s Point Of View Too:
To understand why your teen may be acting stubborn, you need to first understand what your teen is thinking.
- Try to understand what it is that makes your teen feel truly motivated or interested.
- Once you understand your teen’s way of thinking, you will know how to deal with teenage attitude and be in a better position to handle any arguments or disagreements.
Quick factTip: Offer your teen choices that will make decisions easy. ‘You can take out the trash tonight or help with the dishes’ is a good way to let your teen make a choice and take responsibility.
5. Encourage Good Behavior:
Your teen may be stubborn, but it is a growing phase that will surely pass. Make sure that in your communication of anger or displeasure towards stubbornness, you do not ignore the positives.
- Always appreciate the goodness that your teen has and offer encouragement for every achievement of your teen that has made you proud.
- Share your feelings with family and friends and make sure your teen knows how much happy and proud it makes you.
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Tip: Showcase your teen’s different achievements or interests prominently and with consistency. Put up any interesting art work they may have done or display a trophy your teen may have won.
6. Express Unconditional Love:
You should not stop showing love to your teen if they behave stubbornly. Instead, you should balance your unconditional love with clear rules, boundaries, and expectations.
- Showing love and affection to your child despite their shortcomings or mistakes helps build trust.
- Accepting your child with all their flaws makes them feel valued and supported.
Tip: Regularly express your love verbally. Remind your teen that your love is unwavering, regardless of disagreements or challenging moments.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is the most challenging age for a teenager?
Research has shown that life is the hardest for most people between 14 to 20 years as they adapt to social, psychological, and physiological changes (4).
2. When do teen girls declare independence?
Teens begin asserting their needs for independence, personal space, and self-dependent decision-making around their middle adolescence. This is when they start understanding self-expression, self-esteem, and try to gain a sense of self (5) (6).
3. How can parents build trust and strengthen their relationship with their stubborn teenager?
Parents may build trust and strengthen their relationship with stubborn teenagers by actively listening to their perspectives and concerns, validating their emotions, and fostering open and respectful communication. Additionally, providing consistent support, setting clear boundaries, and allowing for age-appropriate independence can help establish a foundation of trust and strengthen the parent-teen relationship.
4. What are some potential consequences of being too lenient or too strict with a stubborn teenager?
Being too lenient with a stubborn teenager may lead to a lack of accountability, boundary-pushing, and a sense of entitlement. On the other hand, being too strict can result in rebellion, strained parent-child dynamics, and potential withdrawal or secrecy from the teenager. Striking a balance between firmness and flexibility is crucial for healthy development and a positive parent-teen relationship.
5. What are some potential long-term consequences of not addressing stubborn behavior in a teenager?
Not addressing stubborn behavior in a teenager may result in difficulties in interpersonal relationships, including challenges in forming and maintaining healthy relationships in adulthood. It can also hinder the development of essential life skills such as adaptability, compromise, and effective communication, which are crucial for personal and professional success later in life.
6. How can parents or caregivers model positive behaviors and attitudes for their teenagers?
Parents or caregivers can model positive behaviors and attitudes for their teenagers by practicing good communication, demonstrating empathy, and resolving conflicts peacefully. Additionally, they can showcase healthy habits, such as self-care, resilience, and a growth mindset, which can positively influence teenage behavior and attitude.
Parenting teenagers can be challenging, especially if they are stubborn. If you are wondering how to deal with stubborn teenagers, remember that it is normal for them to show stubbornness. Teenagers are confused as they go through multiple physical, emotional, and mental changes. Parents should understand this phase and deal with the situation patiently. You may also set clear boundaries and be firm to ensure discipline for teenagers so that they maintain some form of decorum. Lastly, give them their space and allow them to think for themselves. It will help them handle situations independently and wisely.
Infographic: How To Deal With Stubborn Teenagers
Are you struggling to get your stubborn teenager to listen and cooperate? Although this experience could be frustrating and challenging, a few techniques can make this task easier. Here is an infographic presenting helpful strategies to manage stubborn teenage behavior and create a harmonious house environment. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Key Pointers
- Teenagers undergo physical, emotional, and hormonal changes, which may lead to behavioral issues such as stubbornness.
- Parents should remain calm and avoid criticizing a stubborn teen, as it could worsen the situation.
- Understanding the teenager as an individual, being aware of their life events, and considering their perspective can help in dealing with stubbornness.
- Encouraging good behavior and acknowledging their accomplishments can motivate teenagers to adopt positive behaviors.
Illustration: Effective Tips To Deal With Your Stubborn Teenager
Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team
Disciplining a teenager can seem tough but could be easier if you know the right ways. Take a look at this video for tips and tricks on how to communicate and set boundaries with your teenager.
References
- Disrespectful behaviour in pre-teens and teenagers.
https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/behaviour/behaviour-questions-issues/disrespectful-behaviour - Help for Parents of Troubled Teens.
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/helping-troubled-teens.htm - Teen Brain: Behavior Problem Solving and Decision Making.
https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/The-Teen-Brain-Behavior-Problem-Solving-and-Decision-Making-095.aspx - Learning to Catch Z’s: A Teenagers Guide to Sleep.
https://publichealth.jhu.edu/center-for-adolescent-health - Understanding Teens.
https://pubs.nmsu.edu/_f/F122/index.html - The Growing Child: Adolescent 13 to 18 Years.
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-growing-child-adolescent-13-to-18-years
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