Why Do Toddlers Hit Themselves And How To Stop It?

Image: Midjourney/ MomJunction Design Team

One of the behaviors that send a parent down a panic lane is when they observe their toddlers hitting themselves and banging their heads, inflicting self-injures. But why do toddlers hit themselves?

As scary as it may seem, this type of behavior is a part of their developmental phase; take it as a way your child expresses their emotions. Mostly, you may notice that your toddler attempts such acts when they are angry or in need of attention.  According to Maria Pistorio, LPC, NCC, PCIT, a Philadelphia-based therapist specializing in EMDR, CBT therapy, and parent-child interaction therapy, “The behavior could mirror the way she/he is feeling inside. But toddlers are too limited in vocabulary to explain feeling overwhelmed, angry, or lonely.”

This child behavior is termed self-injurious behavior (SIB). A few studies have indicated that 15% of young children exhibit SIB during their early years (1).

But sometimes, persistent and chronic SIB may lead to developmental delays. Read on to know more about SIB, its causes, and when it must be reported to a physician.

Why Does A Toddler Hit Themselves?

During toddlerhood, your child will be aware of their surroundings and start exploring the world around them. They will also learn to communicate their wants and needs in different ways, such as pointing, crying, and throwing tantrums to self-harm. Comprehending the reasons behind these behaviors is vital for parents, as it can impact their child’s emotional and developmental well-being. The following are the possible causes for such behaviors.

1. Frustration

Toddlers might not have the full capabilities to fulfill their own needs or verbally communicate their desires. These limitations and challenges in understanding the world may cause anger and frustration, resulting in hitting themselves. Studies have found that children often exhibit such behavior when tired, alone, or upset. Infants are also known to bang their heads at bedtime (2).

Jo Boyne, a mother and blogger from Leeds, UK, faced the self-hitting issue with her daughter Elizabeth when she was a toddler. Sharing her experience, she says, “She (Elizabeth) cries to get attention, then listens. If we ignore her cries, she will try a different type of crying. We might give in or not. She may also bite to get attention. So, is this head hitting a new form of getting attention and being manipulative? At the moment, I am taking this as a sign of pure frustration that she cannot put into words how she is feeling (i).”

Image: Shutterstock

2. Excitement

Toddlers are naturally energetic, curious, and easily excitable. You may see a toddler screaming or a toddler throwing things when they are over-excited but have limited knowledge of how to express themselves. Thus, hitting or banging their heads may also come as exhibiting excitement. It may seem serious, but it is normal for toddlers to express strong emotions in different ways. These actions are similar to how adults clap hands or jump in excitement. Adults are well-versed with the standard ways to express excitement, while babies aren’t, so they do what they feel like.

3. Separation anxiety

Parents are a toddler’s haven. They find comfort in their presence and gain the courage to explore the world around them due to their intrinsic trust in their parents to offer protection. However, when they sense an approaching separation from their parents, toddlers tend to express their rejection in several ways, including self-harm. This may also be the case with other changes in their daily routine, as changes tend to feel threatening to the child’s comfort zone, causing anxiety. In such cases, toddlers soothe themselves in the only ways they know, by hair pulling or hitting themselves (3).

4. Attention seeking

Toddlers often learn what behaviors elicit what reaction from parents. This becomes especially true when parents pull the toddler back from doing almost anything they wish. This negative attention from parents may eventually become the toddler’s primary focus. As a result, they may use it as a way to constantly gain the parents’ attention (3).

Pistorio adds, “It is developmentally typical for toddlers to hit themselves. Developmentally, toddlers lack emotional regulation and look for anything to alleviate bad feelings. They may also use self-injurious behavior to get attention from parents. The behavior parents pay attention to is the behavior they see more.”

5. Pain relief

Toddlers are vulnerable to pain as an active part of their development. The pain may be from teething, infections, or injuries, which makes them grumpy or irritable. They are ill-equipped to communicate or deal with their pain and thus find other ways to distract themselves. Anecdotal evidence suggests that toddlers may hit themselves or bang their heads to get relief from pain. For instance, if your toddler hits one or both sides of their head or pulls their ears, it could be a sign of an ear infection, and if they hit and bite themselves, they might be experiencing teething pain.

Every behavior communicates something. Seeing your baby hit can be hard. It might become a habit if such behavior is not stopped early on. So, you need an action plan for managing toddler aggression and preventing episodes of deliberate self-harming.

Image: Shutterstock

Seeing your baby hit themselves can be hard. If such behavior is not stopped early on, it might become a habit. So, you need an action plan for managing toddler aggression and preventing such episodes of deliberate self-harming.

Be watchful

If toddlers’ behaviors, such as body rocking or head banging, interfere with their sleep or cause a bodily injury, it should be considered a disorder (4).

How To Stop Your Toddler From Hitting Themselves?

Hitting, yelling, or scolding your toddler may not be an effective way for toddler discipline or prevent them from hitting themselves. It may at times have an opposite effect on what you desire and end up increasing their negative behavior. Here are a few ways to prevent injuries until your toddler learns safer ways of expressing their desires.

1. Identify the cause

The first step in stopping self-injurious behavior in your toddler is to identify the cause. Once you know the cause, it becomes easy to intervene. For instance, if the behavior stems from a basic need, such as hunger or inadequate sleep, it may be easily remedied with food or a nap. If the child is acting out due to loneliness, some dedicated quality time each day with loved ones will work well (5).

Image: Shutterstock

2. Wait for the emotions to pass

Calmly embrace your child and hold on to them as they express their emotions. You can prevent them from hitting themselves by blocking their fists or holding them in your arms and comforting them. The key here is to provide a loving and comforting environment so that they can let go of anger and frustration. You may also consider helping them label the emotions they feel (6).

3. Talk to the toddler

Help the toddler coregulate by providing reassurance that you empathize with them. Use comforting words and assure them that everything will be fine. You may also consider affirming their good behaviors and trying to figure out what is bothering them. If they do not calm down, give them something to hold or squeeze, such as a soft toy. If you notice the hitting and biting is due to teething pain, give them a good-quality teether to bite on (6) (7).

Quick tip

Once your toddler is calm, teach them healthy ways to express their emotions and frustrations rather than hitting themselves.

Image: Shutterstock

4. Redirect their behavior

Make sure you do not shout or punish them for such behavior because it might give them attention and provoke them to do it more often. Instead, focus on toddler self-soothing techniques like distracting them by redirecting their attention towards something interesting, giving them their favorite toy, comforting them, or taking them outdoors for a while. Running or playing outdoors is an excellent way for toddlers to expend their excess energy. It may allow them to recenter their focus on communicating their needs and expressing their emotions better (5).

5. Use visual aids

Children may connect better when taught using images and diagrams. Introduce visual tools like emotion charts and communication boards to help your toddler recognize and express their feelings. These tools display different emotions, helping your toddler navigate their feelings. Also, children may become more inclined to share their emotions rather than resort to self-harming behaviors. This approach can be especially effective for younger children who struggle with emotional regulation (8).

Is A Toddler Hitting Themselves A Sign Of Autism?

Hitting oneself is not an exclusive indicator of autism or autism spectrum disorder (ASD) in a toddler. Toddlers with autism show several other signs, along with hitting themselves. Those with autism tend to hit themselves in a particular pattern or maintain a certain rhythm, which may not be present in toddlers with no autism. Toddlers with autism also tend to hit themselves without any discernible trigger to those around them, and the hitting can often last for several minutes. During the hitting episode, a toddler with autism may not react to parents’ instructions or may not respond to their name, continuing with hitting while seeming disconnected from their surroundings.

If you sense your toddler could be hitting themselves due to autism and has shown other alarming or concerning behavioral signs, consult a healthcare provider specializing in diagnosing autism in children. Treatment for SBI in toddlers with autism usually includes (9):

• Helping them communicate their needs either verbally or with sign language.
• Removing triggers that cause excessive sensory arousal or induce social anxiety.
• Teaching ways to distract themselves when overstimulated.
• Reinforcing the toddler whenever they communicate appropriately.
• Seeking help for addressing underlying psychological comorbidities.
• Providing behavioral interventions to reform self-injurious habits.
• Providing timely medical intervention to address physical ailments.

When Is It A Concern?

Image: Shutterstock

Although SIB is common among toddlers, it could sometimes indicate an underlying medical or psychological condition If your child’s SIB persists even after five years of age, it might be a sign of developmental disabilities (1).

If your toddler hits themselves or bangs their head often for no specific reason, it is best to observe the behavior and report it to your pediatrician. Noting down the time, frequency, and the child’s behavior may help you explain the condition better.

However, if your toddler hits themselves to grab your attention or to show their strong emotions, you need not worry, as it is just their way of getting along and understanding the world.

While toddlers learn to understand and express their emotions, be patient, give them time, and do not yell or shout at them. Also, make sure they do not hurt themselves and shower them with all the love they need.

Quick fact

Babies and toddlers engage in rhythmic movements, such as head banging and related actions, to self-soothe themselves before sleeping (7).

Infographic: Risk Factors And Ways To Stop Toddlers From Hitting Themselves

Toddlers’ hitting and self-harming behaviors can sometimes lead to severe consequences. Therefore, it is crucial to understand what is causing such behaviors and how to prevent them from injuring themselves. Here is an infographic with the risk factors and ways to prevent toddlers from hitting themselves.

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Discover the perplexing reasons behind why your toddler is banging their head and other self harming behavior, explained by a professional.

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Pranjul TandonNewborn Care Coach

Pranjul Tandon joined the Childbirth and Postpartum Professional Association (CAPPA) in 2014 to become a Certified Childbirth Educator and began the journey of her venture Womb and Beyond in 2015. She became a certified Infant Massage Instructor with the International Association of Infant Massage (IAIM) in 2017.

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• 
  Maria PistorioLPC, NCC, PCIT, CBT Maria Pistorio specializes in EMDR, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT). She sees clients in Pennsylvania at her office and in Pennsylvania and Florida via telehealth. Maria is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Nationally Certified Counselor (NCC), certified in PCIT, and certified in CBT by the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine.
  
  Maria Pistorio specializes in EMDR, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT). She sees clients in Pennsylvania at her office and in Pennsylvania and Florida via telehealth. Maria is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Nationally Certified Counselor (NCC), certified in PCIT, and certified in CBT by the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine.

Rohit GarooBSc, MBA

Rohit Garoo is a writer-turned-editor with over 9 years of experience in content writing, editing, and content marketing. He did his bachelors in Science at St. Xavier's College, Hyderabad, and masters in Business Administration at Osmania University.

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Dr. Ritika ShahBDS, CLC

Dr. Ritika Shah is a certified lactation counsellor (CLC) from iNational Health Care Academy, Singapore and a dental surgeon with more than seven years of clinical experience across various cities in India. She did her graduation in Dentistry from KM Shah Dental College.

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Apoorva KMSc (Counseling Psychology)

Apoorva is a certified psychological counselor and NLP practitioner. The assistant professor-turned-writer believes that her experience as a teacher, psychologist, and researcher enables her to guide MomJunction readers on child development and mental health.

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