15+ Weird Things Narcissists Do That Make You Watchful

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Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), a complex mental disorder, could lead to conflicts in relationships, be it personal or professional. Hence, it is crucial to know and be watchful of the weird things narcissists do to protect yourself. A person with NPD shows certain abnormal traits and odd habits, such as exaggerated self-importance and need for admiration from others or preferential treatment over others (1).

Most people exhibit a couple of narcissistic behaviors or traits, but if you know someone who shows most of the following narcissistic traits and bizarre tendencies, it would be wise of you to exercise caution around them or find a way to let them seek professional help.

Understanding Narcissism

Narcissism is a personality trait or disorder characterized by an unreasonably inflated sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, and need for admiration. According to the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) falls under Cluster B of personality disorders with dramatic, emotional, or erratic features (4).

According to the DSM-5 criteria, a person diagnosed with NPD may show the following behaviors (4).

• They lack empathy and are unwilling to care about or understand the needs and feelings of others.
• They seek attention and want to be admired by all.
• They want to be seen as superior, even if they have no achievements to show for it.
• They have grandiose fantasies about being successful, beautiful, and powerful.
• They believe they are “special,” and thus, only seek out people they deem worthy enough—everyone else is inferior.
• They believe everyone envies them, and they also envy people they think are more successful than them.
• They are arrogant and conceited, believing they deserve nothing short of the best at everything.
• They are entitled, so they often feel deprived and disappointed when people do not give them the special attention, favors, and admiration they assume they deserve.

They are exploitative and often manipulate and take advantage of others to get what they want.

Narcissistic people face and cause problems in their relationships—personal and professional—because of these traits. Their confidence is a mask hiding their low self-worth. California-based clinical psychologist and professor Dr. Ramani Durvasula says, “Narcissism is very much viewed as a disorder of sort of inflated self-esteem and grandiosity. It is those things, but in fact, it’s a disorder of self-esteem. People with narcissism are often the most insecure people in the room and they’ve established a way of showing themselves as anything but – that they often look like the most confident person in the room but there’s an emptiness there (5).”

It is because of this low self-esteem that people with NPD become easily upset and lash out at others for the slightest criticism. They have unresolved and internalized feelings of shame, humiliation, and fear of being seen as a failure (2). They react with anger and contempt whenever they feel slighted and have difficulty managing their emotions and behavior. Their refusal to show their vulnerability in front of others causes their relationships to become bitter and unfulfilled.

15+ Weird Things Narcissists Do

Narcissists can perform some unusual actions or behavior, which may be an indicator of their personality disorder. Here are a few unconventional traits that should make you alert and watchful.

1. They are not interested in listening to you

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One of the distinctive behaviors of a narcissist is self-obsession. They can be so self-obsessed that they only like to talk about themselves and are hardly interested in listening to you. When you speak, they may often cut you off and divert the conversation to the topic they are interested in.

Mari, a licensed marriage and family therapist, recounts her encounter with a colleague in a professional setting. She says, “I experienced this when presenting on a panel discussion at a conference. One of the therapists on the panel is a narcissist by his own admission. He interrupted each speaker on the panel, both male and female, he used toxic charm, pressured the moderator, took over the podium for 10 minutes with a sales pitch, and grabbed the microphone out of turn several times (i).”

2. They are sore losers

Losing is not an option for a narcissist. And when they lose, they sulk about it. They display peculiar behaviors such as blaming others for their loss or making lame excuses to hide their shortcomings. Their superiority complex makes it difficult for them to digest a loss or a setback.

Recounting an encounter with her narcissist friend, Mari says, “My growth, my education, my goals and new interests, my personal and professional successes, my human challenges, and most of all, my evolving voice, opinions and boundaries felt intimidating to her (friend). She was not able to celebrate my achievements. Instead she needed to cut me down to size in order to protect her own ego. She needed to remind me who was boss. When that no longer worked to stunt my growth, she fled.”

3. They dismiss your plea for help

When you need help from them, they may exhibit unorthodox patterns of behavior, becoming furious at you for causing them unnecessary trouble. Since they do not care for anybody but themselves, they will not hesitate to dismiss your plea for help.

4. They walk before you

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A narcissist enjoys causing distress to people through their aberrant actions. When you are out in public with them, they may deliberately walk faster and ahead of you. And when you panic after losing them, they may enjoy your distress from a distance. On returning to you, they may blame your slow pace of walking for the confusion.

5. They admire dictators

Because of their eccentric tendencies, a narcissist believes that they are above everybody else and find it difficult to relate to others’ problems.

This exaggerated sense of self-worth makes them admire dictators who misuse their power and cause hardship to innocent people. They identify with such dictators and exhibit a sense of grandiosity (3).

Quick fact

Covert narcissists appear insecure and self-deprecating, making it challenging to spot them. Being friends with covert narcissists is difficult because they keep comparing themselves to others.

6. They blame you even for their mistakes

Anything that goes wrong with a narcissist is someone else’s fault because they firmly believe that they are always right. Their idiosyncratic tendencies makes them shift the blame to others. For instance, if you both get late for a movie because they have reached the theater later than the scheduled time, you will be blamed for booking the wrong time slot to watch the movie. Forget admitting their mistake, they won’t even own up to their faults.

7. They malign your name for their benefit

A narcissist’s offbeat actions revolve around their desire for admiration and approval. To ensure that you follow them, they will first ruin your relations with others by spreading false rumors about you. Then, they will ascertain that others lose trust in you and you are eventually left alone. Once you have no friends, you will have no option but to befriend the narcissist, who will ensure that you stay under their thumb.

8. They don’t have a straight answer for any question

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Ask a narcissist a question, and you will get a counter-question in return. It is because they do not like answering questions, especially if they expose their negative traits. They avoid questions fervently and get defensive for no reason.

9. They use the silent treatment to abuse

If a narcissist is aware of your emphatic or kind-hearted nature, they will exploit it to their benefit by making you capitulate to their wishes. They do this by giving you the silent treatment. They will refuse to speak with you and give you cold vibes until you cave in and yield to them.

Do remember

The purpose of the silent treatment is to make the victim feel confused, inadequate, and guilty so that they would do whatever the narcissist wants them to.

10. They hold grudges

Know that if you tell a narcissist that they are wrong, they will remember it for a lifetime and hold a grudge for the longest time. This is one of the weird things that narcissists do. They do not forgive even minor slights and feel good about themselves only after exacting their revenge on you.

11. They resort to emotional blackmail

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When a narcissist becomes aware of your insecurities and vulnerabilities, they will use it to blackmail you emotionally. For instance, they will blame you for something and make you feel guilty to such an extent that next time you tow their line without any protest.

12. They apologize only for their benefit

A narcissist exhibits uncommon mannerisms or atypical characteristics when required to offer an apology. Their rare apology is often half-hearted and intended only for a purpose. For instance, you tell them you felt bad about something they did, and they apologize, cursing themselves for being such a horrible person to you. This instead will make you feel awful for seeking an apology in the first place.

13. They are hypocrites

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A narcissist exhibits strange patterns when it comes to rules and accountability. For them, rules that apply to you do not apply to them. For instance, they will chastise and yell at you for a small mistake you make, but it is no big deal when they commit the same mistake. In fact, when you confront them about it, they will get into a fit of rage, so you regret calling them out at all.

Quick tip

As narcissists do not respect rules and boundaries, it can be challenging to handle them when you are in a relationship with them. However, letting the narcissist know your values, what is important to you, and which behaviors you do not appreciate is essential.

14. They are different with different people

A narcissist displays weird conduct or anomalous actions by adapting their personality to fit different individuals. They will be extremely caring and considerate to one person and abusive and indifferent to another. In fact, one moment, they will be charming with their friends, and the very next moment, they will be screaming at you for a petty reason.

15. They ghost you only to return back

One of the weird things narcissists do is thrive on your misery and resort to mind games for some cheap thrills. For instance, they will disappear without any warning and will abruptly cut off all contact and communication with you, leaving you heartbroken and devastated. After a few days, they will return to you, acting as if nothing ever happened.

16. They gaslight you

Gaslighting is a manipulation tool used by narcissists. A narcissist will try to make you doubt your feelings, memories, and experiences. Gaslighting phrases like “You are imagining things,” “You are so sensitive,” “I never said that,” etc. may make you confused and question yourself. Narcissists use this tactic to gain control over you. Gaslighting is done subtly, making it hard to notice. It is a way for narcissists to manipulate your thoughts and get you to do things for them. If someone is making you feel like you’re wrong all the time, trust your instinct and seek support. Gaslighting is not okay, and recognizing it is the first step to protecting yourself from this harmful behavior.

Common Manipulation Tactics Used By Narcissists

Manipulation is a weapon many narcissists use to control others and avoid accountability. You can disarm them when you learn to recognize their manipulative behaviors. Here are some of the tactics they use:

1. Gaslighting: Narcissists make you doubt your memories, experiences, and feelings by twisting the facts, blaming you, and denying anything that happened at all to make you insecure and question your perception.
2. Triangulation: Narcissistic people will make people turn against each other by starting rumors or gossiping. They do this to feel superior and control other people.
3. Smear campaign: Similar to triangulation, but often directed toward a single person whom the narcissist deems a threat. They will gossip, spread rumors, and ruin the victim’s reputation to isolate them from their support network.
4. Playing the victim: They will act like they are suffering and have been wronged by manipulating situations in a way that they seem sympathetic. In actuality, they do this to avoid responsibility, start conflicts, and make you feel sorry for them.
5. Projection: The manipulator will put their actions, thoughts, and feelings onto their victim to avoid taking accountability. For instance, if the narcissist has cheated, they’ll accuse their victim of cheating.
6. Love bombing: The narcissist will reel someone in with an exaggerated show of love, with gifts, compliments, and attention. When the victim feels loved and trusts the narcissist, they shed their mask and start showing their true colors.
7. Hoovering: Named after a vacuum cleaner brand, this manipulation tactic focuses on bringing the victim back after they’ve put distance between them and the narcissist. The latter will apologize and promise to make amends to bring the former back and repeat their tactics all over again.

Dealing With Narcissists And Narcissistic Behavior

When you notice signs of narcissism in people close to you, maintaining a relationship with them becomes hard. Dr. Durvasula explains the complexity of this situation. She says, “When you’re with someone who’s narcissistic, it can often throw you off because initially, because they’re so good at putting on that admiration seeking show – they can be charismatic, often quite smart, charming and very gripping. But over time, all of that superficial façade is met behind with a real lack of empathy, often a lack of compassion, they often don’t listen very well, they’ll be prone to patterns like deceit and lying. It’s not the stuff that is good for very connected relationships (5).”

So, what steps can you take to deal with narcissists? Here are some things you should keep in mind (6).

1. Remember that you cannot change a narcissist’s behavior unless they want to change.
2. Do not take things personally when a narcissist lashes out or antagonizes you.
3. Despite how difficult it may be, set healthy and firm boundaries with narcissists.
4. To protect yourself against their manipulation tactics, keep a journal to record your actions and words.
5. Take good care of your mental health, as dealing with an NPD-diagnosed person is often mentally draining.
6. Those diagnosed with NPD often have suicidal tendencies, so keep your eye out for any warning signs.

Infographic: Thought-Provoking Quotes About Narcissists

One may never really understand the moves of a narcissist. They can get you doubting yourself while spewing lies and use their pretentious charm to have their way. While some of us may not understand them, these quotes below have perfectly explained the behavior of a narcissist that sometimes misses the eye.

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Illustration: Weird Things Narcissists Do That Make You Watchful

Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team

Do you feel you are being manipulated by a narcissist? Narcissists exhibit common traits and say peculiar things that hint at their narcissism. This video will help you identify a narcissist’s words and behaviors so you can protect yourself.

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Sadhvi Nishtha OmMSc

Monk Sadhvi Nishtha Om is a practicing psychologist and psychotherapist in India with ten years of experience. She has worked with children, adolescents and adults using tools such as Therapeutic Meditation, Inner Child Healing, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Emotional Empowerment Technique (EET) in a career spanning more than a decade.

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Apoorva is a certified psychological counselor and NLP practitioner. The assistant professor-turned-writer believes that her experience as a teacher, psychologist, and researcher enables her to guide MomJunction readers on child development and mental health.

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