What Does Aromantic Mean And How Is It Different From Asexual?

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If you’ve ever come across the term ‘aromantic,’ have you wondered what does aromantic mean? Let’s paint a picture. Did you ever fake a crush on someone only so you wouldn’t feel left out amongst your friends? Have you rejected someone’s proposal only because you were not sure of what they wanted from you? Do you wonder why people like lavish weddings? If your answer to these questions is a ‘yes,’ you probably are an ‘aromantic.’

Yes, aromantic is a term, and no, it does not mean being asexual. Aromantic refers to someone who is not interested in a romantic liaisonⁱTwo persons having a sexual or romantic connection, especially a hidden one. but is more interested in platonic relationshipsⁱA spiritually-based partnership that is not physical. . If you wish to know more about what aromantic means and read the signs of an aromantic, keep reading as we tell you everything you need to know about it.

Who Is An ‘Aromantic’?

As the word suggests, ‘aromantic’ refers to someone who does not develop romantic feelings or attraction for another person. It is essentially an umbrella term for people who experience romantic attraction in different degrees (the aromantic spectrum or aro-spec) or an individual term for someone who does not feel romantic attraction at all (1).

Aromantic people find it challenging to feel the emotional connection required to build a romantic relationship and have no interest in such a relationship.

They do feel sexual attraction, but they are more content with maintaining friendships and non-romantic relationships.

They can form a deep bond with someone they connect with, but it does not culminate in romance. They may have a friendly liking or even a crush on someone, but they are less likely to enter into a romantic relationship with that person. Also, an individual’s sexual preference has no impact on their romantic orientationiⁱCategorization of a person's romantic experience on the basis of gender irrespective of their sexual orientation.

13 Signs You Are An Aromantic Person

Here are some common signs that indicate you are aromantic. Keep reading and see if you relate to any of these points.

1. You have never had a crush on anyone

In your teens, you must have heard your friends discuss their crushes and how they feel about them. However, you never fully understood what they were talking about because you were always uninterested in romance and never felt that romantic feeling toward anyone.

2. You pretend to have a crush

When your friends gush over someone they like, you too chime in discussing your supposed crush only so you could fit it, but you can’t really imagine what it would feel like. Your crush may be attractive, but you know deep down that you feel dispassionate toward them and do not have any romantic feelings.

3. You fail to relate to romantic stories

You cannot wrap your head around romantic TV series, movies, and novels. You feel unromantic and do not get why a pretty girl like Allie would leave her wealthy and loving boyfriend for someone like Noah. Such stories baffle you, and you wish people could be more pragmaticⁱBased on conclusions from experience rather than upon theory. .

In an international, open-ended online survey of 1,642 participants who identified as asexual and aromantic, one respondent from the Philippines shared “When you listen to all those songs about romantic love, you wonder if people really feel that way that they would let people ruin them. Would they really let another person make them their own? These contracts don’t seem fair. When I think that they might mean it, it makes me flinch (1).”

Point to consider

You dislike romantic songs because you cannot relate to the lyrics. You do not understand the whole hullabaloo over a broken heart.

4. You have never felt nervous around someone you like

You have never felt what is known as ‘butterflies in your stomach.’ You feel nervous before a big event but never around someone you find attractive.

5. You are a loyal and sincere friend

You are very close to your friends, and they know you always have their back. In fact, you are very good with people and can empathize with both older and younger people. However, what you cannot feel is romance for anyone.

6. You feel sexual attraction but nothing else

You feel sexually attracted to people and enjoy sex, but you are unemotional about it and do not understand the need or importance of romance. You may enjoy sex with a particular person but still not feel anything remotely romantic for them. As a result, it may feel like the romantic aspects of dating are “formalities” or something you have to “get through.”

Interestingly, a person can be both aromantic and asexual, and they are addressed as ‘AROACE.’ An AROACE is not attracted to either the idea of romance or physical intimacy. Bmud Angel, an aromantic asexual Youtuber, explains, ”The thought of me kissing, cuddling someone, and doing all types of romance makes me cringe (i).’’

Point to consider

Aromantics are okay with being married or being in multiple or open relationships, because their needs may be physical and rarely emotional.

7. You do not understand the concept of marriage

For you, a wedding is nothing more than just another event where people dance and dine and have a good time. You do not feel its significance and cannot help rolling your eyes when people get emotional at weddings.

8. You are not interested in having a relationship

Romantic relationships make you feel indifferent and awkward because you do not know what the other person feels and don’t know how to reciprocate their feelings. You do not want to cause anyone any pain, so you avoid seeing anyone romantically, especially when you notice the possibility of unrequited love.

9. You want to be in a relationship for all reasons but romance

You get into a relationship for several reasons but feel unenthusiastic when it comes to romance. Your partner may give you financial stability, or they may be great in bed. You know what the reason is, and it is not what brings many other couples together.

10. You prefer the ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement

Sexual attraction is your thing but not romance. So, ‘friends with benefits’ suits you perfectly because you can be a great friend for someone but not their romantic partner.

11. You like being single

For a romantic person, being single is boring. But, for you, it is normal and something that you prefer. People around might bug you to find a partner, but you do not feel bothered because you cherish your singlehood.

12. You are not interested in knowing about people’s love life

Your friend might come crying to you about her breakup, and although you may sympathize with her, you might feel drained and bored. You act uninvolved or unresponsive toward their feelings and find it challenging to comfort them.

13. You do not understand the hype around Valentine’s Day

Gifting, writing love notes, and confessing your feelings are things that make you cringe. You are unengaged with the romantic side of life, and a day dedicated to love and romance, that is, Valentine’s Day has no effect on you and is just another day for you.

Are Aromantics Afraid Of Making A Commitment?

Aromantics do not lack the ability to love. They love their family, pets, and friends. The only thing different about them is that they cannot differentiate between platonic and romantic love. They have the same feeling of attachment to everyone they care for. Aromantic people do not experience romantic attraction, but some enter relationships. Even so, they face prejudice because of the societal importance given to romance (2).

The prejudice aro-spec people face is because romance and sexual relationships are idealized in society, to the extent that the term “relationship” automatically seems to imply one of a romantic nature. When the default definition of the word “relationship” becomes “romance,” all other forms of familial and platonic relationships become devalued and forgotten (2).

Aromantic people can get into a committed relationship, and they even cherish it but not in the traditional sense. They can feel an intense emotional connection that is more than friendship with someone, but there is less than zero chance of it ever developing into romantic feelings.

Quick fact

Aromantic is an orientation on a spectrum. This spectrum includes different types of aromantics, such as ‘gray-romantic,’ who is placed in the middle of aromantic and romantic, and ‘recipromantic’ who develops romantic feelings only when another person initiates it for them.

Aromantic Vs. Asexual

The term aromantic is often confused with asexual. However, the two terms have different meanings. An aromantic person can feel sexual attraction. They can even enjoy and desire sex. An asexual person, on the other hand, does not enjoy or desire sex. They can be romantic and enjoy cuddling, hugging, and other physical gestures but not sex. This can be confusing for a partner, as they cannot fathom a person’s need for sex without any romantic attachment.

Asexual people have a different take from aromantics on romantic relationships. According to Jo, an asexual activist and blogger, “My own experience has been that although I don’t have an active desire for a partnered relationship, I still fell in love (somewhat unexpectedly, but such is life) and was in a partnered relationship for several years.

“My relationship shared some features of a traditional partnered relationship but was quite different in others. Sometimes, I adopted language that was conventional to partnered relationships, like ‘falling in love.’ Other bits of conventional language, like ‘boyfriend/girlfriend,’ I resisted (ii).”

Understanding Aromanticism As A Spectrum

Aromanticism, like other sexualities, is a spectrum, not a binary concept. It does not simply entail that a person does not experience romantic attraction, only platonic; it encompasses many kinds of experiences. Every aromantic person may have a different perception of romantic relationships or relate differently to romantic feelings.

Studies suggest that people on the aromantic spectrum have broad perspectives on romance. Some may not experience romantic feelings, while others may develop those feelings under specific circumstances. Some are also repulsed, uninterested, or confused by the idea of romance (1).

The aromantic spectrum includes numerous identities. For instance, gray romantics have occasional romantic feelings, and demiromantics feel romantic attraction when they form a strong emotional bond with a person. On the other hand, we have aegoromantics, who enjoy the idea of romance but have no desire to participate in it, and recipromantics, who only feel romantically attracted to a person who already likes them romantically.

Therefore, aromantic individuals can enjoy fulfilling relationships, like platonic, queer-platonic (a non-sexual, non-romantic relationship involving the same level of trust and commitment as a conventional relationship), and familial connections. These bonds provide them with emotional support and companionship without the need for romance.

Myths And Misconceptions About Aromanticism

Aromanticism is as valid a form of identity as any other. However, because of the misconceptions regarding their orientation and ability to feel love, they often feel alienated and misunderstood. Here are some myths about aromanticism that have been perpetuated the most:

1. Aromantic people cannot be in a relationship

Aromantic individuals may have successful relationships. However, their relationship can be purely platonic.

2. Aromantic people are afraid of commitment

Identifying as aromantic does not indicate a fear of commitment. Aromanticism is characterized by a lack of romantic attraction and doesn’t signify an aversion to commitment.

3. They don’t feel love and are heartless

Aromantic individuals are neither devoid of love nor cold-hearted. They often prefer platonic relationships based on shared interests, mutual respect, and emotional closeness.

4. They don’t enjoy romantic content

Aromantics may have varying preferences for romantic movies, books, and songs. Some may enjoy such content, while others may be indifferent or repulsed by overt displays of romance.

5. Aromantic people are traumatized

Just because one is aromantic does not mean they have been traumatized by their negative experiences in previous romantic relationships. While a small percentage of them may have experienced trauma, most of them identify with aromanticism because they simply do not experience romantic love.

Infographic: What A Relationship With An Aromantic May Feel Like?

Being in a relationship with an aromantic may seem odd, but these relationships exist and are even flourishing well. So if your partner or crush is aromantic and you want to know what to expect from your relationship, here is your go-to guide to understanding this uniqueness.

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Illustration: What Does Aromantic Mean? 13 Signs You Might Be An Aromatic

Image: Dall·E/MomJunction Design Team

Aromanticism is an orientation that involves little to no romantic attraction. Learn more about the aromantic spectrum in this guide!

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Natalie Finegood GoldbergLMFT, CST-S

Natalie Finegood holds a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology and is an AASECT Certified sex therapist, sex therapy supervisor, and licensed marriage and family therapist with ten years of experience. At her private practice in Los Angeles, she offers general psychotherapy and sex therapy services.

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