Your partner is your person. They are the ones who will stand with you through good and bad and complement your perspective in life. So, ‘what to look for in a partner?’ is a commonly asked question in this context. We are here to help you answer that. No one in this world is perfect. Notwithstanding their flaws, everyone is beautiful in their own right. If you are on the lookout for that one perfect person, maybe you have set your hopes up too high. Your partner should understand you, love you, and support you and so should you. The two of you should have an understanding that makes it easier for you to have effective communication even in the hardest of times. These are a few traits that you should look for in your partner. Read on to learn more about things you should look for in your potential mate to have a healthy, happy, and long-lasting relationship.
Key Pointers
- Look for a partner who accepts all versions of you and can love you unconditionally.
- We are all beautiful in different ways, and the kindness and emotional maturity of a person enables them to identify it.
- Make sure to choose someone who can stand up and face the best and worst times together with you.
What To Look For In A Partner
When you understand what traits you want in your partner, you can gain more self-awareness and grow as a person. This process will make you aware of your values and what you expect from your partner in a relationship. If you are unsure, here are some qualities people usually want to see in their partners.
1. Look for emotional maturity
A study published in PsyberNews states that higher emotional intelligence is associated with greater marital satisfaction (1). This could be because emotionally mature people are self-assured, independent, and do not shy away from commitment. They are willing to learn and reflect on the past and make progress in the present and future. Most importantly, an emotionally mature person thinks before they act and doesn’t let their emotions control their actions. They also recognize their flaws and accept yours with an open mind.
A mature partner has an even temper, does not rely on others for their happiness, has empathy, can pursue their goals and advance in life, and doesn’t have a clouded view of themselves or the world around them. Moreover, they are not possessive or jealous. They can handle conflict and disagreements constructively without resorting to personal attacks and can balance their needs with those required to maintain the relationship.
Do remember2. Look for a person who is kind, loyal, and understanding
Interests, status, and looks can be significant catalysts for creating a spark and bringing a couple closer. But such traits can be temporary. It is best to seek someone who manifests qualities such as respect or kindness. A study done utilizing the Ideal Standards Model, which includes dimensions like warmth-trustworthiness and status-resources, found that intrinsic ideals (e.g., warmth, honesty) are more strongly associated with relationship satisfaction than extrinsic ideals (e.g., attractiveness, resources) (2). You’ll see that you have a far more satisfying relationship when you choose a partner who displays characteristics like warmth and loyalty.
3. Look for a person who is constantly learning and growing
A long-term relationship is inspiring and beautiful. But, make no mistake; it comes with its own set of challenges.
Two humans staying together, regardless of their baggage, preferences, and quirks, day-in and day-out and year after year as they evolve, grow, and probably change, takes work and calls for openness to learn and grow.
Look for a partner who is ready to learn and grow during the course of your relationship, both individually and collectively.
4. Look for an emotionally available partner
Someone who is emotionally available is willing and ready to commit to a relationship with you in body, mind, and spirit.
An emotionally available person is an open book who does not shut down, even when you broach certain touchy topics. They do not become unreachable or distant. They will show you they care not merely with words but in actions, too.
Research shows that high emotional intelligence enables one to understand and manage their own emotions and empathize with their partner’s feelings, contributing to relationship satisfaction (3). When your partner isn’t afraid to openly and frankly discuss things with you, it’s a clear sign that they’re emotionally available.
Here is why blogger Adrew included emotional intelligence as a criteria when looking for a partner. He says, “People with high EQ can show a lot of empathy because they connect with the emotions and feelings you’re going through. They put themselves in your shoes and connect with what you’re struggling with (i).”
5. Be with someone who isn’t afraid to face the tough side of life
As a couple, you have to face life and all the surprises it throws at you. And as you age, you will probably lose loved ones, grow ill, encounter changes in your body and mind, see each other as cranky, sad, miserable, irritable, and what not more than once.
Look for someone who is available not only when things are going well, but also when the going gets tough. Life is not a shiny and chock-a-block full of happiness; you need someone for the long-term, someone who sticks by you through thick and thin and offers reliability.
Point to consider6. Pick someone with similar life vision and values
It’s great to have a partner who enjoys cuddling with you in front of the TV and watching drama serials, but this isn’t the make-or-break stuff of a relationship; sharing similar visions and goals is.
If you share a relationship with someone whose values or beliefs are radically different from yours, it will make the partnership rocky.
Sure, you can work on the differences in life values and vision, but you set your relationship up for success by picking someone who shares a few or more of your primary goals and values. As per a study, there is a positive relationship between shared values and marital happiness, as well as individual well-being (4). So, having similar life goals and shared interests is one of the major predictors of a lasting relationship.
7. Go for someone who is a forgiver
Again, as stated earlier, relationships take a lot of effort and hard work. Along the way, both of you are likely to make a mistake or two, hurt each other, and mess up from time to time. As per a study published in The International Journal of Indian Psychology, forgiveness alleviates negative emotions and enhances positive feelings toward one’s partner (5).
Therefore, look for someone who is a good forgiver. If, after you mess up, your partner can accept your apology and move past the arguments, you’re in excellent hands. Making mistakes is human nature and inevitable; it’s repair and the keenness to forgive and get back together that matter.
Point to consider8. Choose someone who makes you laugh
“We don’t laugh because we’re happy, we are happy because we laugh.” — William James
Look for a partner who can make you laugh at them, at yourself, on the grumpy mornings, or at the ridiculousness of life.
Humor makes life feel better, and someone who can make you laugh can be a good lifelong partner and friend.
However, ensure that the humor is positive. A study found that those with high relationship satisfaction tend to use positive humor more than negative humor (used to express hostility) or avoidant humor (used to minimize or evade conflict) (6).
9. Look for someone who inspires you to be a better person
Your partner should ideally have strengths and weaknesses different from your own. You need someone who brings out and strengthens parts of you that you never knew existed. If you’re a daydreamer and live in your thoughts, find someone who can keep your feet firmly planted on the ground. Similarly, if you’re career-oriented, look for a partner who can add balance and pleasure to your life.
Shedding light on this critical aspect of a healthy relationship, Ashley Walker, a wife, and a relationship writer, shares her own experience in her blog. She says, “Healthy relationships aren’t a given because you love each other. They’re something that needs molding and shaping, just like we do. For instance, I am very strong-willed. I don’t back down easily — and thankfully, my husband is no pushover. I’m glad. I need someone to tell me I’m wrong, to keep me leveled instead of letting me get my way all the time. Instead of thinking I’m always right (ii).”
Tip: It’s not all about you. When you find that partner, think about your strengths and how you can help strengthen and enrich their life.
10. Look for honesty in a partner
In the initial stages of a relationship, it can be difficult to gauge integrity as most people put their best foot forward, but always watch for clues, learn from past experiences, and listen to your gut. The less trust you have, the weaker your bond. Look for someone who is open about how they feel and whose actions match their words.
Just think about it. Isn’t it better to be with a person who will tell you what’s on their mind, even if it is something hurtful, rather than creating an air of secrecy? Even if it’s difficult to digest the truth, it’s in your best interest to truly know your partner. Hiding things will only make you feel more insecure.
11. Look for a partner with similar cultural values
Cultural values shape a person’s character and influence their views on family, religion, customs, and expectations. As per a study, cultural values and traditions also shape romantic love and impact how people think, feel, and behave in relationships (7).
A partner with similar cultural values is more likely to agree with your opinion on aspects such as parenting style, religious practices, and household management. While differences can bring excitement, a partner with similar values can make it easy to maintain a stable relationship.
12. Consider your partner’s habits
When you and your partner share healthy and compatible habits, the relationship is more likely to be harmonious. Conflicting habits, in contrast, can create resentment and strain your relationship.
For instance, if you value cleanliness and maintain an active lifestyle, while your partner is messy and prefers a sedentary routine, daily conflicts may arise. Habits are difficult to change, so it’s best to find a partner whose habits align with yours.
13. Look for a partner who knows how to resolve conflicts
Disagreements and minor conflicts are common in relationships. However, how you and your partner handle them can determine the relationship’s outcome. For instance, a study by experts at the University of Georgia shows that couples who approach disagreements with positive behaviors, like smiling, manage stress better and experience improved long-term health (8).
A partner who can manage conflict is less likely to resort to harmful behaviors such as yelling, blaming, or shutting down. Instead, they will help create a safe emotional space where you can express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or retaliation.
Importance Of Finding An Ideal Partner?
Finding an ideal life partner is crucial. The right person becomes a source of happiness and comfort, providing support during challenging moments. A supportive life partner plays a pivotal role in your personal growth. Relationship compatibility is essential in ensuring long-term satisfaction and resilience in a relationship. They help create a positive environment that will help you pursue your goals and aspirations. On the other hand, an incompatible partner can make your life all the more difficult. They will make you feel inadequate and constant arguments and fights can ruin your peace of mind. However, there may not be a person made just for you. Find a person who will accept you as you are and put in genuine efforts to make the relationship work. You can create a strong bond with trust, open communication, and commitment.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Should I prioritize compatibility or chemistry with a partner?
The most important thing in a relationship is compatibility and trust. Compatibility between two people should be a priority as it helps a relationship run smoothly. Chemistry means mutual attraction and bonding. It may be missing in a relationship but can be developed over time. So, chemistry is not too essential for a relationship.
2. What should I look for in a partner regarding communication?
A partner should be a patient and receptive listener. They should be able to give you undivided attention, free from distractions. They must be able to clearly and effectively communicate their feelings.
3. How important is it for a partner to support my goals?
When a partner supports your goals, they are more understanding of your priorities and help make it easier for you to achieve them. An unsupportive partner will lack the ability to understand you and may make it harder for you to get to your goals.
4. What should I look for in a partner regarding their past relationships?
You need to know the reasons why their previous relationships ended. It is not to judge them but to understand how to avoid the same mistakes. You may also want to know more about their exes as it helps you understand what attracts them to their potential partners.
5. Should I prioritize someone who is family-oriented?
It depends on what you want in a partner. If you like a family-oriented person, then make them your priority. If you like an ambitious, career-driven person, prioritize them.
6. What should I look for in a partner regarding their friends and social circle?
Their friend circle should include good people who make you feel welcome and comfortable. However, if you do not get along with their friends, it is not a big problem as long as they do not negatively influence your partner.
7. Should I prioritize someone who has similar religious or spiritual beliefs?
Spirituality is a personal choice. If you are a deeply religious or spiritual person, it may help to have a partner with similar interests. However, some individuals may not be too spiritual but fully support their partner’s spiritual interests. Avoid someone who strongly opposes religious beliefs, as it may cause unwanted friction.
8. What should I do if my partner lacks some desired qualities?
It is important to manage your expectations and remember that nobody is perfect. If the trait your partner lacks does not impact the overall health of your relationship, it is okay to overlook it. However, if the quality they lack is non-negotiable, you must communicate with them openly about your needs and expectations. Sometimes, partners can work together to develop characteristics that may be lacking, but both partners must be willing to improve for this to work.
Now that you have a checklist of what to look for in a partner, we hope you find someone who matches your energy. Remember that everybody may not possess all the above traits. So, if you find someone who has most of the characteristics listed above, you may be looking at a potential partner. If they are sincere, loyal, emotionally mature, kind, forgiving, and seek to be in a long-term relationship with you, the lack of some other characteristics won’t make a difference in the long term.
Infographic: How To Look For The Right Life Partner
Finding someone with the right qualities to grow old with is not as easy as it may seem. You may come across many good people, but you’ll click with only one. So if you are searching for your better half, make this infographic your guide and explore what you should do to find your life partner. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Illustration: Important Things To Always Look For In A Life Partner
Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team
Finding the right life partner can be a daunting task. Let this video guide you through the process of choosing the perfect one.
Personal Experience: Sources
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. This Is The Most Important Quality In A Life Partner;https://andrewahutch.medium.com/this-is-the-most-important-quality-in-a-life-partner-7aa83ff46bd3
ii. Yes, I argue with my husband, and I’m glad we do;
https://medium.com/fearless-she-wrote/yes-i-argue-with-my-husband-and-im-glad-we-do-58e47bc83fbd
References
- Anagha Lavalekar et al.; (2013);Emotional Intelligence and Marital Satisfaction of people across age and duration of married life.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/354005053_Emotional_Intelligence_and_Marital_Satisfaction_of_people_across_age_and_duration_of_married_life - Lulia-Diana Muraru et al.; (2017); From Perceived Similarity of Ideals to Relationship Satisfaction: A Path Analysis Using Dyadic Data.
https://pubs.sciepub.com/ajap/5/1/3/ajap-5-1-3.pdf - Leehu Zysberg et al.; (2019); Emotional Intelligence, Attachment and Satisfaction with Romantic Relationships among Young Adults: A Brief Report.
https://www.scirp.org/pdf/PSYCH_2019041116564940.pdf - Travis G. Parry.; (2016);The Association Between Shared Values and Well-Being Among Married Couples.
https://digitalcommons.usu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=5964&context=etd - Kanan Sharma et al.; (2024); The Role of Forgiveness for Long-Term Satisfaction in Adult Relationships.
https://ijip.in/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/18.01.149.20241202.pdf - Bethany Butzer et al.; (2008);Humor Use in Romantic Relationships: The Effects of Relationship Satisfaction and Pleasant Versus Conflict Situations.
https://psychology.uwo.ca/pdfs/SONA/articles/7-ButzerKuiper2008HumorRelationships.pdf? - Victor Karandashev.; (2015); A Cultural Perspective on Romantic Love.
https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1135&context - Research shows conflict resolution is tied to long-term health.
https://online.uga.edu/news/research-shows-conflict-resolution-tied-long-term-health/
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