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You start dating your love interest, and one day the guy disappears suddenly, leaving you wondering, why do guys ghost?
Ghosting is a behavior most guys resort to by withdrawing all the ways of communication in a relationship. The unpredictable nature of it could lead you to pain and disgust. You even find yourself pondering the reasons he might have acted this way. Unfortunately, in the world of modern dating, some men also use ghosting as a power move to gain the upper hand in the relationship or to avoid confrontations.
However, if you have been through such a situation and have multiple thoughts on guys ghosting, read on as we share a few reasons why guys could ghost and a few tips to handle this phase.
13 Reasons Why Guys Ghost
Guys may resort to ghosting due to several reasons. Here are a few common ones.
1. He is not ready for a serious commitment
Not all guys look for a serious relationship when they start dating a girl. Some may want to have a no-strings-attached or casual relationship. However, the girl may not be on the same page and might fall for the guy. The guy may want to avoid any drama, and so they would try escaping from the situation as fast as possible. Since they are not emotionally attached to the girl, they do not care about her feelings. Ineffective communication is a common reason for a man to ghost a woman, making it one of the primary communication issues that can lead to this behavior.
2. He is interested in multiple women
Some guys are non-commital and keep their options open and talk to multiple women at the same time. They want to have fun and not commit to one. If you get too involved with such a man and expect promises, he would vanish and move on to the other prospects. He does not find cheating wrong.
He may be hiding his true intentions, as he might come to you after getting rejected by other women. Refrain from giving such men a second chance. Dishonesty is a trait that is unlikely to resolve and often persists over time.
Do remember3. He is facing personal crises
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Personal issues can crop up anytime and could affect one’s mental capacity. It could be a death or illness in the family or a sudden financial crisis. If a man is going through such a situation, the issue at hand takes priority over anything in their life and they become unavailable or inaccessible. If you have started dating, he might probably hide the problem from you and choose to ghost you.
4. He is not what he portrays
When you meet someone new and go on a date, you try to impress them. There is nothing wrong with showing your best version, but some people could take it a little too far. To impress the girl, they tend to brag and lie, trying to be someone they are not. Some even pretend shyness and nervousness to gain sympathy. They might fake that they are super rich or popular or even hide their shady past. Some men show off their wealth or social position to hide their insecurities. If you are dating such a man and express the desire to meet their friends and family, they might try to avoid the awkward situation and disappear.
5. He is immature
A breakup is never easy. It might have unpleasant implications such as disbelief, agony, anger, or bitterness. Some men may not want to experience these. They lack the courage and compassion to face the consequences and give a valid reason. So, living in denial and dodging it may make sense to them, hoping that the issues will disappear if they start ignoring them. An immature man may have a fear of commitment that can lead to ghosting too. Immaturity is a trait that can only be overcome through gaining experience and personal growth over time. There is nothing you can do or say to make him grow up.
6. He feels threatened or suffocated
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Sometimes, it takes more than a few dates to understand a person. The girl might seem nice initially but later display emotional outbursts, temper tantrums, controlling behavior, or clinginess. Such behavior might make the guy feel suffocated and hurt his mental health. In the beginning, he may exhibit avoidance behavior and eventually withdraw from sight without sharing his feelings. If this is constantly happening to you, you might want to rethink your attachment style.
7. He was taking advantage of you
It might sound heart-breaking and harsh, but it happens. Some men tend to use women for their benefit and get involved with an objective in mind. It can be financial gain, sexual gratification, professional growth, social status, or even fame. Once they achieve their objective, they will walk away without looking back. If he shows constant emotional indifference or lack of empathy, it is a red flag that points to his mercenary nature.
8. He has certain mental and emotional issues
Our circumstances and experiences play a huge part in shaping our mental make-up. Previous negative experiences can make people lose faith in commitments. Men who were abandoned as children may have relationship anxiety because they fear being cast-off again.
Not having a stable home as a child due to divorced parents can also make some people unable to form attachments easily. They try to stay emotionally distant to avoid getting hurt. Hence, the moment they find themselves getting too involved, they may freak out and ghost you.
9. He has different expectations
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When two people are dating, they have certain expectations from the relationship. If the expectations of the two are not in sync, it can lead to problems. For example, some guys want to get intimate early on, while some prefer waiting. If you are unsure of where you both stand, you may want to sit down and talk openly if you face intimacy issues. Such differences in opinions might make the guy feel dissatisfied. The power dynamics in your relationship greatly affect how the relationship works out.
In such a scenario, while the girl might think things are progressing well, the guy might feel otherwise. Conflicting priorities could be one of the many reasons for him to feel that way. He might ghost you if he sees no future and does not want to take the breakup route, he might ghost you.
A blogger by the name Lady Tall Hair shares her experience of being ghosted by a guy whom she went out with for six months. A year and a half later she politely confronted him and he shared his reason for why he ghosted her. She says, “He explained that he didn’t really remember why but he thought I was different, in a good way, than most women he had gone out with before. He thought that might have scared him, and he wasn’t ready to be vulnerable and explore it more. All of which lines up to what I thought, based on a few conversations we had. He liked me a lot but couldn’t see a relationship with me. And if I’m being totally honest, I wasn’t ready to be vulnerable with him. I hid parts of my life that didn’t make me look amazing. I never told him how I felt about him, before or after. I wanted a full relationship with him while only putting in half of the effort (i).”
Do remember10. He thinks there is no chemistry
Some men expect instant fireworks as they start dating. They lack the patience for the chemistry to develop. If these men don’t feel the chemistry, they may write the relationship off. They start to show disinterest and deflect from the relationship right away. They do not believe in wasting any effort and hence choose to disappear without breaking up.
11. He is dealing with anxiety
Anxiety is a common reason why men ghost. Individuals dealing with anxiety are often insecure and believe they are not worthy or lovable. This may also be caused by bitter experiences in the past. Hence, they may hesitate to reach out after a date to avoid potential disappointment.
12. He is scared
An irrational fear of confrontation can be another reason for ghosting. Some men find it difficult to end a relationship properly. The discomfort of potentially hurting someone may lead them to choose the simpler route of disappearing without explaining.
13. There’s a safety concern in the relationship
In some cases, individuals may have a safety concern in the relationship. So, when someone comes across as “creepy” or causes discomfort, they may abruptly end communication without explanation to prioritize emotional well-being.
What To Do When A Guy Ghosts You?
Dealing with ghosting can be difficult. The lack of closure can cause you pain. Here are a few things you can do to get over this heartbreak.
1. Be sure about it
When he doesn’t text you back or answer your calls for a few hours, it doesn’t mean he has ghosted you. Wait for some time before coming to a conclusion. People often get busy with work commitments, travel, or personal issues and cannot reply. Giving it some time will clear all doubts in your mind. You can decide on a timeline for the wait. Give him a few days. During this period, avoid bombarding him with messages or calls. After the deadline is crossed, try to move on.
Quick tip2. Take a decision
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Even if the guy has ghosted you, there is a chance he might try to come back in the future. You need to figure out what to do next. Would you give him a second chance? It is essential to make up your mind. Your actions will have lasting consequences. If you decide to accept him, there is a possibility that he might hurt you again. Weigh all the pros and cons before making a final decision.
3. Communicate your feelings
While it is not advisable to text someone who disappeared, certain situations warrant firm feedback. If the guy ghosted you even when everything seemed well, he needs to know the implications of his actions. Text him, and let him know how you feel; don’t vent, disrespect, call him names, or beg him to come back. Here are some polite ways on how to tell someone you are not interested. Avoid harboring any false expectations of his return. Ask him only to get your peace of mind just like blogger Lady Tall Hair did. After she confronts the guy who ghosted her, she says, “I now know that it’s worth it to ask someone if and why they are ghosting me. Although, I will say it’s better to do this sooner rather than later (I don’t recommend waiting 18 months). If for nothing else than to conclude the relationship (i).” If you have unresolved conflicts, you can send a message telling them that you are not happy with the way things stand between both of you. Send him a message to make him realize his mistake so that he doesn’t repeat the behavior with some other girl.
4. Cut off all contact
If you have decided to move on, you need to break contact. Delete his number, email, chats, and photos and videos from your phone. Unfollow and block him on all the social media platforms.
5. Don’t take it to heart
Being ghosted by a guy might feel humiliating if you had developed feelings for him. But don’t let it affect your self-confidence and self-worth. The problem lies with him and not you, so don’t take it to heart.
Do remember6. Avoid pining for him
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The guy left you without any explanation, disregarding your feelings. He selfishly took an easy way out. Such men rarely come back, and even if they do, it is usually for their benefit and not because they care. It is in your best interest to avoid pining for him. Take it as a lesson and don’t look back.
7. Allow yourself to be happy
It is natural to feel distressed if a guy you liked ghosted you. But don’t let this setback control your happiness. You deserve to lead a joyful and fulfilled life. Start slow. Seek out small joys in life, do things you love, and pamper yourself. Maintain your physical health, focusing on diet and exercise. Recover mentally by talking to people close to you or meditating. Take your time to heal and most importantly, don’t deny yourself the right to be happy.
8. Seek Support From Friends
Talking to friends or joining support groups can help you process your feelings and gain perspective on the situation. Meeting your friends can provide a welcome distraction. Furthermore, friends can help you rediscover your true self again, work on self-improvement, and find better relationships. They may also be instrumental in identifying the next guy’s commitment towards you and help you get out of such tricky situations in the future.
9. Start dating again
One bad experience doesn’t mean the entire dating pool is bad. There are good men out there. So slowly but surely, start dating again. It doesn’t have to be serious. Just start talking to people again and see where it leads. You might have some trust issues and might find it difficult to open your heart, but you will heal over time. Getting back in the game would help you come out of your dark thoughts and help you move forward. So, open your dating app and start swiping right again. Online dating norms and the hook-up culture are flexible enough for you to experiment without the fear of rejection.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How long with no contact is considered ghosting?
In most cases, no contact or form of communication for three days or longer can be considered ghosting. It is one of the signs he doesn’t care about the relationship. Nevertheless, sometimes some emergencies may make it difficult for your partner to contact you. If they reach out to you after three days, listen to their side of the story before you come to a conclusion.
2. What does ghosting say about a person?
Ghosting someone says many things about a person. A person who ghosts others may be considered a coward, disrespectful, unreliable, and inconsiderate.
3. How long will the man who ghosted you take to come back?
The time these persons go missing before deciding to turn up again is unpredictable. Their comeback is usually motivated by something they desire from you that they aren’t getting from someone else.
4. How should I make a guy regret ghosting me?
The best form of revenge is self-love. It may take some time for you to gather yourself, but once you can, make yourself a priority and focus on creating the best version of yourself. Invest time in things that make your heart happy and boost your self-confidence.
5. How can I recognize if I am being ghosted?
There’s a sudden halt in communication where your calls and text messages go unanswered without any explanation. Alternatively, they may remain active on social media but ignore your messages, or when they do respond, their replies are vague, brief, and take much longer than usual. Furthermore, the person might avoid making future plans with you or cancel existing ones without rescheduling. They may even end up boasting about their future plans with someone else whom you may either know as their ex or be unaware of.
If you are interested in a guy and they suddenly begin avoiding you, it could leave you asking, “Why do guys ghost? or “Why do men pull away after getting close?” Most guys resort to this behavior when they are not interested in a serious relationship with you or other personal reasons. However, it is essential not to blame yourself for the guy’s immature behavior. Instead, you must focus on moving ahead by seizing all contact with them and finding ways to be happy. Accept your incompatibility and move on. Also, keep yourself available for dating other men. You never know; you might encounter your dream man soon.
Infographic: Why Men May Ghost And What To Do About It?
If the guy you have been having a great time with suddenly starts to ignore you, he may be ghosting. This can be hurtful and leave you confused. So explore why men ghost women to help you get closure and tips to deal with them and avoid stressing over it. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Key Pointers
- If your partner is ghosting you, it’s possible he’s not ready for a commitment.
- He might be seeing other women or taking advantage of you.
- If you are confirmed about his intentions, talk it out or move on.
Ghosting is a common phenomenon in dating, but why do men do it? Are they not interested in you or is it something deeper? Let’s explore the reasons why men ghost and how to cope with it.
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. I asked a guy why he ghosted me. Here’s what happened.https://ladytallhair.medium.com/i-asked-a-guy-why-he-ghosted-me-heres-what-happened-b4cf2e2d0102
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