Why Do Older Men Like Younger Women: 9 Possible Reasons

Image: Midjourney/ MomJunction Design Team

The love stories of celebrities like William Shatner and Elizabeth Shatner, Beyonce and Jay Z are well-known. In most of these relationships, the male partner is several years older than the female partner. There are several other couples like them with a significant age difference between them. Research has shown that worldwide, heterosexual marriages between older men and younger women are far more common than those between couples of the same age or where the woman is older (1).

In fact, a study of US and Canadian census data conducted by researchers from Purdue University and Colorado State University has revealed that 8-8.5% of heterosexual married couples have an age gap of ten years or more. Out of this, 7-7.2% are those where the man is older (2). But, why do older men like younger women and find themselves attracted to them? You must have wondered what part of such relationships appeals to them and makes them get into one.

Keep reading to know about the most common and possible reasons that can make a man fall for a woman much younger than him and why there is a possibility that things might just work out in the right direction for them.

Why Do Older Men Like Younger Women: 9 Possible Reasons

There are myriad reasons why men are commonly older than their female partners. One of the biggest factors in this scenario is that people often desire partners with good genes. This belief is closely tied with evolutionary theory, wherein people seek partners with traits of fertility, vitality, and attractiveness.

According to research, “By focusing on attractiveness and health, an individual is likely to acquire a mate who is younger, healthier, and perhaps more fertile (especially in the case of men choosing women). And by considering a partner’s resources and status, an individual should be more likely to obtain a mate who can ascend social hierarchies and form coalitions with other people who have—or can acquire—valued social status or other resources (3).”

However, evolutionary theory is not the only reason older men are attracted to younger women. Here are a few more possible reasons behind his common social phenomena.

1. They bring out their sense of youth

Not every person likes the idea or the realization that they are getting old and gone are the days when they were youthful. Thus, some older men like to be involved with younger women as it helps them participate in more youthful activities, be a part of new trends, and pursue their passions. It makes him feel revitalized and younger at heart.

The sense of youth is not the only reason why older men prefer younger women. Studies have shown that having a younger female partner benefits men psychologically and in terms of caregiving. A study conducted at the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research, Rostock, Germany, has shown that men married to younger women live longer than those with wives the same age or older (4).

Point to consider

For some men, having a young attractive woman by their side at social events is a matter of pride. Being desired by a younger woman makes them a subject of admiration and envy amongst other men.

2. They make them feel wanted

Younger women tend to be attracted to older men because they make them feel emotionally and physically secure. A study has shown that women tend to prioritize stability, resources, and emotional maturity for long-term relationships. At the same time, men prioritize physical attractiveness and youth (5). However, building resources takes time, so we tend to acquire resources later in life, and by the time we acquire enough to provide for others, we tend to be older. So, if younger women want reliability and men are yearning for someone to make them feel wanted, an age-gap relationship dynamic can give them just that.

3. They like to guide

When partners are of the same age or have a minimum age gap, they may not like to have someone who is always preaching. But younger partners with a desire to learn and would not deny listening to practical lessons for life. While on the other side, older men feel good about sharing their experiences and guide their younger partners on the right path.

4. They get a chance to cope with their mid-life crisis

Men in their mid-40s and 50s could be susceptible to going through a midlife crisis. It is a time when they look for someone at their side who can make them relax and have fun in life. Hence, being in a relationship with a significantly younger woman brings them a sense of satisfaction that they still have their charm, which also is a big boost for them. They find the adoration of younger women mentally refreshing.
Most men who get into a relationship with younger women have either been through a rough divorce or had a bitter fallout with their significant other. Thus, they are charmed by younger women and date them to feel a kind of a rebound to get over that bitter experience.

6. They are open to experimenting

If a man craves some experimenting, there is a high probability that he would choose to spend time with a young girl as she is lively, carefree, and probably open to trying new things in life. A survey of intergenerational sexual relationships among adults in South Africa revealed the same need for open-mindedness. According to the study, “Some of the reasons given for older men getting into relationships with young women included: young girls making older men feel young again, the influence of substance use, remarriage after divorce or death of spouse (6).”

7. They do not bother about commitment

Some men believe in the ideology that young women are more inclined toward short-term relationships and do not expect much to come out of them. Thus, if he is not so serious either and finds a young lady on the same page, then showing amorousness by indulging in an affair and some flirtation would be ideal.

Many young women may prefer the lack of commitment older men bring, but it might not necessarily be a good thing in the long run. Michelle Brown, a blogger who dated many older men in her 20s, wishes she respected herself more and realized her worth. She says, “I did learn some lessons from those older men. I learned that very few of the older men who wanted to spend time with me actually had any intention of being in a long-term relationship. Many of them were incapable of holding down a real relationship with a mature woman their own age. Presumably, that’s why they preyed on younger girls. I learned the hard way that if you don’t respect yourself and your body, no one else will either (i).”

Point to consider

Commitment-phobic men may believe that older women are focused on getting married and having a baby as their biological clock is ticking. Younger women still have time so marriage and kids may not necessarily be their priority.

8. They let their partner pilot the relationship

Older men have had their share of life experiences and relationships and have a clear idea of what to do and not do in a relationship. Younger women tend to have a fondness for this trait in them as it brings in a sense of security and assurance. Hence, it is a win-win situation.

9. They may want the control

With partners of the same age or less age gap, it might be tricky to have control over the relationship. However, with a younger partner, the older one tends to have command due to their age and experience. So, if the older man looks forward to a relationship wherein he can be the dominator and show his Possessiveness, he would like to have a younger woman as a partner.

However, such a need for control may not bode well for the health of the relationship. Research has shown that an imbalanced power dynamic in age-gap relationships can negatively impact the relationship because, in Western society, women typically hold less social power and status than men. Such involvements would also “encounter problems as a result of significant power imbalances and clashes in personal values stemming from the fact that the partners grew up in different generations (2).”

Although large age-gap relationships, where the man is significantly older than his female partner, face a lot of social stigma due to the misconception that the female partner is money-motivated or “daddy issues,” it is far from the truth. A study published by the American Psychological Association (APA) has found that 74% of women in age-gap relationships are securely attached. This implies that their relationship satisfaction is no less than conventional relationships (7). After all, the true success of a relationship is determined by how well two partners support each other, not by their ages.

It is essential to mention that not all older men dating younger women have the same outlook or exact reasons for their actions and decisions. When in love, age is a mere number, and it is the feelings, sentiments, and emotions that matter the most. Younger women have affection and even romantic attraction towards older men because they have a planned life and are mature, while older men feel an infatuation for younger women because they bring the excitement and spark back into their regular mundane lives.

Infographic: Why Older Men Like Younger Women

Love does not see age, and a happy relationship between an older man and a younger woman is a perfect example. If you, too, wonder about such couples, this infographic can put things into perspective. From seeking youthful happiness to wanting a sense of control, there may be different reasons why older men may want to date younger women.

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Illustration: Reasons Why Older Men Might Like Younger Women

Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team

Men are drawn to younger women because of their youthful energy and beauty. It’s an age-old attraction that’s hard to ignore.

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Jessica JeffersonMA, MS, LMFT

Jessica Jefferson is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a certified perinatal mental health professional who is trained to help clients suffering from mental health disorders like anxiety and depression. She graduated with a Bachelors in Psychology from the University of Miami, a Masters in Psychology in Education from Teachers College, Columbia University and a Masters in Family Therapy from Nova Southeastern University.

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Shikha ThakurMBA

Shikha is a writer-turned-editor at MomJunction, with over seven years of experience in the field of content. Having done a certification in Relationship Coaching, her core interest lies in writing articles that guide couples through their courtship to marriage and parenthood.

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Praven is an English literature expert. He did his bachelors in English from Delhi University and masters in English from Manipur University. Besides, he holds a certificate in multimedia design and content creation from NIELIT Imphal and presented papers at various national and international conferences.

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