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Two people enter into a relationship because they have feelings for each other and click with each other. Looking at such a deep bond, it is not unusual to wonder “why do people break up?” In the beginning, everything feels dreamy and nice, but unfortunately, with time, love may fade, and it may weaken the foundation of a relationship and lead to separation. It is difficult to sustain or build a relationship on a weak foundation. Understanding the core reasons behind breakups enable individuals to make informed decisions in their relationships. It allows couples to address underlying issues before they escalate, fostering a healthier partnership. Couples may try hard to fight their way through the differences but may still not sustain them. It is not always only the lack of love that causes people to break up. There may be many reasons couples in love can call it quits. Read this post as we talk about the various possible reasons for couples drifting apart.
Key Pointers
- It is not unusual for couples to hit a rough patch in their relationship and end up in a breakup with each other.
- Cheating on a partner is one of the most common reasons couples break up, as loyalty is non-negotiable in any romantic relationship.
- Falling out of love, lack of understanding, physical intimacy, etc., are a few of the many reasons couples break up.
36 Reasons Why People Break Up
Couples could break up due to several reasons. Sometimes, the decision is mutual—they may agree that they are incompatible and want different things in life. Other times, the reasons may be complex, from infidelity and abuse to disrespect and financial differences. Read on and explore the myriad reasons why people break up with each other.
1. Cheating
Loyalty is the key to every romantic relationship. When a partner fails at this, a relationship can never get back to where it was initially. Cheating is one of the biggest relationship deal-breakers. According to the General Social Survey 2010-2016, 20% of men and 13% of women have cheated on their spouses while being married (1). Infidelity opens the door of distrust and paves the way for a break-up. Even if you two decide to dismiss it as a mistake made once, you may still find it hard to ignore it and move on normally. The fear of it happening again will always haunt a partner.
Point to consider2. Unrealistic expectations
Sometimes, you get into a relationship with preconceived notions and expect your partner to behave in a certain way. Your partner could be madly in love with you but may not be able to express it well. This lack of expression can be frustrating, leading you to believe that your partner does not love you enough. The thing about happiness is to avoid expectations. This helps avoid heartbreak when things don’t go as you had expected.
3. Falling out of love
It’s true; love fades. The phenomenon of falling out of love can happen due to one or many reasons, including loss of intimacy and trust, lack of love, emotional pain, and losing a sense of self (2). Your partner’s smile that once made your heart flutter can become an annoying trait someday. Initially, your partner did a lot to please you, but now, they do not feel the need to do so, and this behavior change might irk you. You might feel you are being taken for granted and that your partner does not care about you as much as they once did. When love and attraction are absent in a relationship, you may tend to feel stuck in it.
4. Inability to confront problems
Your partner hardly contributes any money and even ignores household chores, making it entirely your responsibility to maintain the house. It can get burdensome for you, and even though you want to discuss it with your partner, you choose not to because you are afraid of their reaction. Chances are your partner might get into a fight with you, but to avoid it, you keep silent. This can lead to resentment, prompting you to move out of the relationship. Relationships should be built on trust and friendship, and both partners should be able to talk about anything that may be bothering them.
5. Too many differences to resolve
The notion that ‘opposites attract’ sounds romantic, but when it comes to playing the part, it may not be as cute as you assumed. A healthy relationship requires adjustments and compromises from both partners, and you have to make mutual decisions. If your wavelength does not match your partner’s, decision-making can become very difficult and stressful. You might argue on the smallest of stuff, such as choosing a restaurant to eat. Frequent disagreements can cause trouble in paradise and lead to irreconcilable differences.
6. Lack of understanding
Both of you are unique individuals with your own set of opinions, habits, likes, dislikes, and preferences. You two even think differently, and so, what you consider extremely important may seem trivial to your partner and vice versa. If both of you fail to look at things from each other’s perspectives, you might never be able to understand each other. And this lack of understanding often leads to frequent disagreements and fights, making way for divorce.
7. Expecting your partner to read your mind
After spending a substantial amount of time with your partner, you start expecting them to understand what’s on your mind. It might be through facial expressions or body language. Let’s suppose you don’t like it when your partner places their feet on the table while watching TV. You glare at them and roll your eyes but do not say anything clearly, which leaves them utterly confused. Sadly, they might never understand the reason behind your displeasure. Such instances can eventually lead to a big fight. However, your partner is also a human being who has feelings, and to expect them to do exactly as you expect may be unfair to them unless you openly talk about it.
8. Comparing your relationship to someone else’s
Seeing images of happy couples on Instagram, you ask your partner to take you out for expensive vacays without considering the kind of financial pressure it might put on them. When they refuse, you get angry and curse your luck for having such a partner. You can never feel happy in life or have compatibility with someone if you keep comparing your relationship with someone else’s. Moreover, you might even lose your true love just because you couldn’t help comparing. The pressure of being compared to other people’s relationships may cause resentment, causing you to break up.
9. Subjecting your partner to unwarranted anger
Your boss rejected your plan, which you worked hard on for weeks and even months. You are angry at your boss and yourself, but you don’t know where to direct your anger. So, at the dinner table, when the food is a little bland, you vent your anger on your partner. Anger, especially misdirected anger, can cause irreparable damage to your relationship. Instead, share your problem with your partner and see how they replace it with love and warmth.
However, when you are genuinely angry at your partner for something they have intentionally or unintentionally done, it is best to express it, although in a healthy manner. Research suggests that unexpressed anger leads to increased dissatisfaction in relationships (3).
10. Lack of support
If your partner is trying their hand at something new or feeling low, they might seek you out for some support. If they do not get any support from you, remember that they might get it from somewhere else. If you cannot be there for them when they need you the most, your importance in their life might dwindle and they may forsake their commitment to you.
11. Controlling behavior
Controlling behavior can take many forms, such as isolation, jealousy, constant unwarranted criticism, withholding affection, manipulation, possessiveness, and financial abuse (4). For instance, you don’t like your partner’s friends and family, so you forbid your partner from meeting anyone you detest. You don’t like your partner eating pizza, so each time they order it, you make a face or pick a fight. If you keep restricting and controlling your partner, they are sure to feel exhausted and may want out of the relationship. After all, no one would like to be in a relationship where they are not valued.
Point to consider12. Overbearing nature
In a relationship, if everything happens at the whims and commands of one person, the other partner is sure to feel unimportant. For instance, if you want to go out with your friends, you do so whenever you feel like it, but when your partner wishes to do the same, they have to ask you first. It is similar to controlling a partner, but here, you are dominating them, ensuring everything happens at your behest.
13. Lack of interest to go on
It takes hard work to keep a relationship going after the initial spark fades. No, we do not mean that you have to force yourself to make your partner feel loved. Rather, it should come naturally because that is how you feel for your partner. It is always a good idea to occasionally show your partner how you feel for them. Also, this should be reciprocated. Couples tend to drift apart from each other when they downplay the need to show some love. Don’t be too fast to give up on your relationship. Try going on dates or having fun together to try and rekindle the love.
14. Stealing from your partner
Stealing is a deal-breaker and a big no-no in any relationship. You cannot steal from your partner and expect them to be okay with it. If you need financial help, you can try seeking your partner’s help. If they refuse, do not hold it against them, and look for another way to solve your problem. Whatever the circumstance, do not ever resort to stealing to solve your financial issues. It can ruin your relationship altogether.
15. Lack of trust
When you are romantically involved with a compulsive liar, there will always be friction between you two because you will never be able to trust them. Trust in relationship is something you earn and build over the years. But once broken, the cracks will always remain. It could also be that your partner is actually very honest with you, but you are so insecure that you cannot help being suspicious of everything they do or say. Distrust in a relationship fuels jealousy, insecurity, and unhealthy behavior, especially if you struggle with anxious attachment issues (5). Such a lack of trust can mar your relationship, leaving you both frustrated and creating a self-fulfilling cycle of emotional distance.
16. Inability to face challenges
No two days can be the same in a relationship. There will be happy days and sad days. And if you are unwilling to face challenges as a couple, the relationship will not survive for long. Relationships thrive on compromise and understanding. But if a little temporary hardship scares you, relationships are not for you.
17. Lack of open communication
Lack of communication can lead to contempt for each other. Poor communication is usually characterized by poor listening skills, passive-aggression, undue criticism, defensiveness, contempt, hostile humor, stonewalling, dismissiveness, and avoidance (6). Any combination of these signs indicates that you cannot communicate clearly with your partner, which can gradually weaken your relationship. No matter how bitter the truth, it is always better to approach your partner and clear the path for effective communication. A good, deep chat with your love can help resolve any issue.
18. Lack of mutual respect
Once you get to know your partner well, you become accustomed to their bad habits and learn their insecurities and secrets. Sometimes it just so happens that when you share your vulnerabilities with someone, they start seeing you in a different light. And at times, unfortunately, the initial attraction is lost. The truth is that when love starts fading, the relationship survives on mutual respect. But when that is missing, your relationship can go downhill. A 2024 study has shown that “…people who feel disrespected in their romantic relationships tend to be less satisfied with these relationships, which, in turn, may lead to them being less committed to maintaining their relationships (7).”
19. Being stuck in the past
Maybe there was a time in your life when someone you loved betrayed you. A bitter experience probably pushed you to retreat into your shell, and now, you cannot trust anyone — not even someone you love. This distrust can keep you from exploring a relationship and can completely ruin your chance at love.
20. Lack of physical intimacy
Physical intimacy plays a huge part in keeping a couple bonded. This does not involve just sexual contact, but also non-sexual physical affection, like cuddling, backrubs, and holding hands. Such forms of affection are closely associated with relationship and partner satisfaction (8).
But if you have reached a point in your relationship where you prefer pulling up your comforter and sleeping on your side of the bed while your partner sleeps on the other side, it could be disastrous for your relationship. It can worsen if one partner is interested in getting intimate, but the other person pushes them away.
21. Financial differences
When two people with financial differences become romantically involved, the difference in their status is likely to get between them at some point. In such a situation, the two partners should be mature enough to be proud of each other’s successes and not feel any kind of complex. If jealousy or insecurity seeps in, it may not take much time for the relationship to go kaput. It is important to remember to be on the same team and cheer each other on.
22. Sudden change in circumstances
A significant life event, such as the loss of a job, a big loss in business, or losing a loved one, can cause tremendous pressure on a person’s mental health and lead to stress and tension, which can hamper the relationship between two people. Under stress, a person can also pick up bad habits, such as excessive drinking or smoking. These factors can put the couple under severe pressure, creating an atmosphere of unhappiness and discontent.
23. Selfishness
For your relationship to be successful, you must take care of your partner’s needs as much as you care for yours and not neglect them. If you only think of what you want and never consider what your partner wants, your selfish behavior might make them resent you. They may feel neglected and may not want to continue a relationship where they are not valued.
An blogger with the username Tempest writes about how her partner’s selfishness and lack of effort made her break up with him after a 5-year relationship. She shares, “He still lives at home with his parents, he doesn’t drive, he doesn’t work full time and is in no hurry to, he doesn’t have any clear plans on how to achieve the things he says he wants – marriage and a family, and he gets offended and upset any time I raise the subject.
She adds, “He blames me because if I just accepted things as they are, we’d be fine. We’d go on with me doing all the grown up stuff, handling all the responsibility and him just doing the bits he wants to. I don’t know why he thinks he doesn’t have to chip in and pull his weight… So I had to let him go. I had to stop trying to change things, stop waiting for something he had no real desire to make happen (i).”
24. Lack of appreciation
Mutual gratitude is highly associated with relationship satisfaction. Findings from a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology suggest that “…low gratitude in one partner acts as a weak link that is sufficient to disrupt both partners’ relationship satisfaction (9).” So, for instance, your partner arranges a party for your family or friends, and you do not even thank them for all the efforts they put in. Imagine the kind of disappointment they might feel when you barely appreciate their sincere efforts. Or let’s say your partner juggles work and home life effortlessly, but you never bother to ask if they are okay with multitasking. Such a lack of appreciation can drive a wedge between you two.
25. Trying to change your partner
If you fall in love with someone thinking they are “work in progress,” and you can work on their flaws and mold them into the person you envision, it is a wrong approach. People should be loved the way they are. If you try to change them, they may feel insecure and fear losing their identity, making them bitter toward you.
26. Having a preset dating duration in mind
This may be a tad difficult to comprehend, but some people get into the dating game with a timeline in their head. When they start seeing you, they think the relationship will last only for a certain period. They do it out of the fear of getting too attached to one person. Once their pre-decided time has elapsed, they will become less loving, seem aloof, and behave weirdly to be able to break up with you.
27. Personality change
People change over time, and there is no guarantee the person you fell in love with will be the same a few years into your relationship. Also, sometimes, people put up a façade to appear appealing to you, and once their mission is accomplished, they do not bother to keep up with the fake image they created for you. When you start settling in the relationship, you will see the true side of that person.
28. Lack of self-confidence
You may see your partner as someone too good for you, so you may seek their opinion on everything you do. You feel dependent on them for advice because you do not trust yourself with important decisions. This lack of confidence in yourself and the constant need for validation might seem unattractive to them. And slowly, they might start losing interest in you.
29. Unrealistic idea about love
You watch a cute Korean drama or a rom-com and start believing that a lover should read their partner’s mind and save them whenever they are in trouble. Expecting your partner to be nothing less than a movie character will only leave you disappointed. Instead, fall in love with whatever your partner does for you and see how your life becomes more beautiful than a fictional story. Living in the present and appreciating everything you experience with your partner helps you have realistic expectations for the relationship.
30. Holding grudges
It is important to forgive and forget minor mistakes your partner makes to let your relationship work. If you are someone who holds grudges and keeps taunting your partner about the wrong they did in the past, they might start dreading arguments with you because you will keep reminding them of something they wish to forget.
31. Making your partner jealous
Yes, your love interest may look cute when they feel jealous of seeing you with someone of the opposite sex. It is okay to enjoy such attention occasionally, but subjecting them to such feelings frequently can make them feel exhausted to the point that they may not want to be around you. A study has shown that “romantic partners’ use of jealousy evocation is inversely correlated with the amount of affection received (10).” This means the more you try to make your partner jealous, the less likely they are to be affectionate toward you. They might want to settle with someone who does not make them fight for them constantly.
32. Falling prey to gender myths
Common and outdated beliefs such as “Men are supposed to earn more than women” or “Women should do the cooking and other household chores” often burden individuals and are major reasons why people break up. It can create a sense of dissatisfaction in a relationship and make partners resent each other.
According to Brandee Monet Cannady, a blogger, breaking up with her boyfriend was hard to cope with. She says that there were many reasons that led to the breakup, and one of them was her belief that women were mere childbearers. She says, “He was a bit misogynistic in his views. He wanted to be married to a woman who would start having kids with him right away and believed the purpose of the wife was to stay at home, maintain the house, and make babies. He wanted to have as many kids as possible. That scared me because I only wanted a couple. He wanted a stay-at-home wife and mother. He deeply believed in a one-income household, but I WAS NOT about to be a housewife. I wanted to work and was fine with the idea of kids being in daycare. He did not agree at all (ii).”
33. Spending too much time together
This one is common among couples who work together. If you and your partner see each other 24/7, you are bound to have differences and clashes. And if you work together, chances are you might take a home fight into your workspace and vice versa. It is always best to give each other enough personal space and find the right balance.
34. Excessive levels of intimacy initially
You two hit it off right from the start, and you are so into each other that you two can barely keep your hands to yourselves. But gradually, the attraction starts to fade, and the chemistry that got you together vanishes without a trace. Now, what do you base your relationship upon? It takes more than physical attraction to keep a relationship going.
35. Mental or physical abuse
Physical aggression, stalking, and psychological abuse by a romantic partner are usually termed intimate partner violence (IPV). According to CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS), 41% of women and 26% of men have experienced physical or sexual violence, and over 61 million women and 53 million men have experienced psychological abuse from their intimate partners in their lifetimes (11). If you or your partner often subjects the other to any kind of mental or physical abuse, it is a major reason to break up the relationship. No person should feel suffocated or scared in a relationship. The day they feel so should be the last day they remain in that toxic relationship.
36. Money issues
For some couples, money is one of the major sources of disagreements and resentment. Many partners argue more over money than spending quality time together. The major signs that indicate relationship issues around money are expecting your partner to pay for everything and mindless spending. In addition, many couples marry with considerable financial burden. It can be student debt, credit card debt, or even debt accumulated from gambling habits. If you have more debt than your partner, arguments can take place when discussions about earnings, spending, and debt servicing happen. Also, not talking openly about managing money and setting goals for the long term contributes to a breakup.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What are the signs of a breakup?
When you start fantasizing about breaking up with your partner, compromise most of the time, find it difficult to trust your partner anymore, and no longer feel an emotional connection with them, all these may be signs that your relationship is over and indicate it is time for you to move on.
2. What is the hardest stage of a breakup?
The denial stage, where you are unable to reconcile to the fact that the person who meant the world to you is no longer a part of your world, is the most challenging part of a breakup. However, eventually, with willpower and by sharing your feelings with friends and family and seeking support from them, you can get past this phase.
3. Is it beneficial for me and my ex to remain friends after a breakup?
If you are clear about your expectations, have had closure with your ex, and have no problems moving on, staying friends with your ex is not harmful. Maintaining a friendship with your ex for security and practicality can also give positive results. It ensures that you get support during difficult times and can place your trust in that person. However, make sure there is no ambiguity in your relationship with them.
4. What are the long-term consequences of a breakup?
A painful breakup can lead to many long-term effects. Studies show that breakups are associated with a decline in life satisfaction and increased psychological distress (12). Depression is also a consequence of breakups. If it goes undiagnosed. It may also adversely impact the quality of life (13). Breakups can lead to despair and frustration. However, you can overcome this pain in the long run with conscious efforts to move on and a strong support system.
5. Are there any benefits to breaking up?
Some of the key benefits of a breakup is getting more time for yourself, which you can use to analyze your priorities and wants. You don’t need to serve your partner’s interests anymore and make choices based on their goals and whims. This period will also help you realize who your true friends are.
6. How can I manage the stress of a breakup?
To get over the stress of a breakup, you must first accept that it has happened. Then, try to understand the mixed feelings of anger, grief, sadness, and freedom that you experience. Think about the lessons learned from this relationship. You will also need to create new habits and routines to gradually get over the pain of letting go of someone you love.
People fall in love and believe that the relationship will last forever. But with time, love fades, and many problems arise in a relationship. Though the couples might try hard to fight the differences, they still may not sustain them. Relationships may end for a wide variety of reasons like infidelity or cheating, personality differences, lack of positive interactions between the couple, low physical intimacy, and low overall relationship satisfaction. Although ups and downs in any relationship can help two individuals come closer, if there is no peace, lack of love, and respect, growing apart is inevitable. It is better not to fix a broken relationship, and just part away as it is important to grow as an individual. Moreover, understanding the reasons for the breakup can provide valuable lessons for future relationships, making individuals aware of their future and fostering personal growth.
Infographic: Can A Breakup Be Prevented?
Now that you know why couples break up, it may be easier for you to analyze your relationship and take steps to make it more stable. The infographic below shares some suggestions to prevent a breakup by taking the proper steps before it is too late. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Illustration: Why Do People Break Up? Here Are The Top 35 Reasons
Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. Day 0 – The Break Up.https://diaryofabreakup.home.blog/2019/06/07/the-journey-begins/
ii. 9 lessons I learned after breaking up with my boyfriend of 5 years;
https://medium.com/hello-love/9-lessons-i-learned-after-breaking-up-with-my-boyfriend-of-6-years-812b29f48178
Ending a relationship can be challenging, yet there are instances where it becomes the right choice. Explore 8 reasons that may indicate it’s time to embark on a new path and move on.
References
- Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America.
https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america - Joanni Sailor; (2013); A Phenomenological Study of Falling Out of Romantic Love.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/287572572_A_Phenomenological_Study_of_Falling_Out_of_Romantic_Love - Shunsuke Uehara et al.; (2018); The Positivity of Anger: Non-Expression of Anger Causes Deterioration in Relationships.
https://www.scirp.org/journal/paperinformation?paperid=85730 - Recognising the Difference Between Love and Controlling Behaviour in Relationships: Warning Signs.
https://nationallegalservice.co.uk/love-and-controlling-behaviour/ - Lindsey M. Rodriguez et al.; (2015); The Price of Distrust: Trust, Anxious Attachment, Jealousy, and Partner Abuse.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5380380/#abstract1 - 10 Warning Signs of Bad Communication in a Relationship.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/poor-communication-relationship.html - Gracyn Young et al.; (2024); The Dual-Pathway Model of Respect in Romantic Relationships.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/383446231_The_Dual-Pathway_Model_of_Respect_in_Romantic_Relationships - A. K. Gulledge et al.; (2003); Romantic physical affection types and relationship satisfaction.
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2003-06597-002 - J. K. McNulty et al.; (2019); A dyadic perspective on gratitude sheds light on both its benefits and its costs: Evidence that low gratitude acts as a “weak link”.
https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Ffam0000533 - Alan K. Goodboy et al.; (2012); Intentional Jealousy-Evoking Behavior in Romantic Relationships as a Function of Received Partner Affection and Love Styles.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233360762_Intentional_Jealousy-Evoking_Behavior_in_Romantic_Relationships_as_a_Function_of_Received_Partner_Affection_and_Love_Styles - About Intimate Partner Violence.
https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/about/index.html - Galena K. Rhoades; (2012); Breaking Up is Hard to do: The Impact of Unmarried Relationship Dissolution on Mental Health and Life Satisfaction.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3115386/ - The Painful Truth About Breakups.
https://jedfoundation.org/resource/the-painful-truth-about-breakups/
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