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You have been seeing this cool guy and are confident that he likes you. But when you try to get close to him, he acts detached and cold, and the moment you try to give up, he acts interested again. If you wonder why guys act distant when they like you, reading this post can help you understand their intentions. Your gut feelings tell you that he likes you, but he is hesitant to admit it. It leaves you baffled and pushes you into a dilemma. Some men are hard to predict, and knowing their intentions can be difficult, especially when emotions, relationship doubts, and past experiences are involved. In this post, we talk about why they act distant even when they like you to help you decode your man.
Key Pointers
- When a boy sneakily glances at you or tries to be near you constantly, he may secretly like you.
- Commitment issues, uncertain feelings, or lack of confidence may keep him at a distance from you.
- Try putting yourself in his shoes to understand him and give him time to open up.
How To Be Sure That He Likes You?
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Before we dive into the discussion about why he could be acting aloof, let’s first be sure that he likes you. Here are some signs he likes you more than a friend.
- Whenever he is around, you sense his eyes on you, but when you look at him, it appears he looks the other way.
- He remembers any important detail you have shared with him and even does something about it.
- You often spot him hovering around you. He may not stare at you, but coincidentally, he is where you are.
- He likes all your social media posts, even if it is a bad image of you eating junk food.
- No matter how busy he is, his reply to your text comes almost immediately, as if he was waiting for your message.
If the guy in question shows all of these signs, you might be right about his admiration for you. However, this does not apply to all men, as each individual is different. Consider other factors, including your gut feeling, before forming an opinion about a person and his emotions.
Did you know?13 Reasons Why Guys Act Distant When They Like You
Here are some reasons why guys might keep their distance from the girl they like.
1. He feels you are out of his league
Image: IStock
One of the obvious reasons why guys ghost or act disinterested is because he feels you are too good for him. When you compliment his appearance, he might respond awkwardly, saying, “I don’t deserve compliments like that,” or “You’re too kind.” He lacks the confidence to approach you or is evasive about his feelings with you, fearing you might reject him. He feels that sharing his true feelings might ruin your friendship with him. Or he fears being in painful one-sided love, so he thinks it is better not to act upon his feelings and maintain distance from you to avoid getting hurt.
2. He feels you are probably seeing someone
You may be someone who always posts images with your guy friends on social media or if you mention a male coworker often, he might assume there’s something romantic going on. If he has been noticing you online and offline, he probably believes you are already in a relationship and might find you unapproachable. He cannot help looking at you from a distance because is interested in you. However, the fear of rejection is so intense that he might act like he doesn’t notice you.
3. He is probably not looking for a serious relationship
There may be several reasons why a guy doesn’t want to get into a committed relationship. He may not be financially stable, or he may have recently had a breakup – it could be any other reason for that matter. Does he change the topic if you casually mention plans for a trip next year? If yes, it could be a sign. Whatever the reason, he is not looking for something serious, and thus, he does not approach you even if he likes you. A study that explores the link between declining commitment and breakups in relationships showed interesting insights. Using data from 180 couples, it found that reduced interaction, uncertainty, and interest in other partners are often observed during periods of declining commitment, thereby distinguishing it from stable phases (1).
4. He is already in a committed relationship
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The reason why he won’t commit despite his feelings could be he is probably already seeing someone and yet is also attracted to you. Talking to you or being around you makes his feelings stronger, which he knows is unfair to his relationship. Notice if he’s less responsive to your texts or stops initiating contact, he might be respecting the boundaries of his existing relationship. To be loyal to his current partner, he prefers to act disinterested and cold, and perhaps more so to discourage himself from getting swayed by temptation.
5. He is a shy guy
Guys who are shy can be terrible at expressing their love for someone. They may like you, but their shy nature keeps them from approaching you. In fact, talking to you might even make them nervous. Does he play with his hands, or awkwardly laugh to cover his nervousness when talking to you? They might come across as really rude, but it is how they are around an interest.
6. He wants to keep his options open
Much as this guy seems smitten by you, perhaps he feels the same for a few other women. You have made plans for dinner, and he suddenly messages you an hour before saying, “Something came up, let’s do it another time.” Perhaps he does not want to settle for one person and wants more time enjoying his non-committed status and flirting with as many women as he can. If that is the case, he may want to weigh his options and may not make a move as he does not want to commit to one woman yet.
7. He wants you to want him more
Image: IStock
Some guys do not want to look desperate before the girl they like. This guy is probably playing hard-to-get so that his disinterest in you gets you even more interested in him. One day, he will shower you with loads of attention, and the next day, he will go completely silent – blowing hot and cold. His inconsistent behavior will drive you crazy and keep you interested in him.
8. He thinks you are moving too fast
Let’s suppose this guy showed interest in you and approached you first. Much to his surprise, you got friendly too quickly and even started initiating things for both of you. Your obsession with him probably scares him. He may like you, but perhaps he has not yet reached a point to take your relationship to the next level. You want to meet his family after just a few dates, and he might act distant because he’s not ready for that step yet. Or, if you start talking about long-term plans, like moving in together, and he hasn’t fully decided on his feelings, he could feel overwhelmed and retreat emotionally. Your enthusiasm could put him off and make him cold towards you.
9. He feels you are just not that into him
You like him and enjoy his attention. You do not want to lose his interest, so you act hard to get it. But after trying to woo you for a while, he is probably tired and feels you are not interested in him.
Do you take hours or even days to respond? He might interpret this as a lack of desire to engage with him. So, he gives up and starts acting standoffish because he sees no point in trying to impress someone who is not into him.
10. He has other stuff to take care of
Image: IStock
Perhaps someone in his family is ill, and he needs to be with them, or he has an important project to work on and does not want to be distracted. It might be that during an intense work period, he may respond more slowly to texts, not because he’s lost interest, but because his focus is on meeting work expectations.There could be many reasons that could be keeping him from messaging you or talking to you. This unresponsiveness may not mean he has lost interest in you. It is just that his mind is occupied, and he has other stuff to deal with.
11. He needs some time to be sure of his feelings
Navigating the labyrinth of his emotions, he often seems uncertain, offering mixed signals. Get to know about the signs that a guy is confused about his feelings for you. Sometimes, guys withdraw from a situation and act uninvolved to be able to see it from a different perspective. He might pull back after an amazing date to reflect on the connection or might become quieter when conversations turn emotional. By keeping a distance from you, he is trying to see the relationship differently and understand if he really wants to keep this going. Also, he may want to see how he feels away from you and know if he misses you enough to have you in his life.
12. He’s manipulating you
A guy may act distant even when he has feelings for you, as he might think that appearing less available could spark your interest. He may resort to manipulation to gauge the situation and your response. He may act distant, saying things like, “You never care about me,” or “I’m not good enough for you,” even when you’re trying to show affection. By doing this, he manipulates you into comforting him, even though he is the one withdrawing. However, building a relationship on such strategies might not be the most effective, as it focuses more on tactics than sincere emotions.
13. He still loves his ex
Sometimes, a guy might act distant because he still has feelings for his ex. He might casually drop comments like, “My ex used to do it this way,” or “She would have loved this.” He might be unsure about his emotions for you, causing him to be hesitant about a new relationship. This distance can indicate that he’s not fully moved on and is still processing his past relationship and feelings.
What Should You Do?
If you ever find yourself in a situation where the guy who you thought liked you has suddenly become cold and unenthusiastic toward you, don’t lose heart. It is not that he hates you. He could probably be dealing with something you are not aware of. Stay calm and try the following suggestions.
1. Give him time
You are probably at the end of your tether and don’t know how to get him to talk to you. But remember not to plead with him or force him to talk to you under any circumstance. It is easier said than done, but there is no denying that it is the best thing you can do. He is probably considering the situation in his head and needs time. If he stops texting as frequently, resist the urge to send multiple messages asking what’s wrong. Instead, let him take the lead in reaching out when he’s ready. Patiently look for signs that a guy is scared of his feelings for you. If you act needy and crave his attention, it might put him off. So, the best thing to do is to wait for him to come around you.
2. Try to understand him
Do you feel that he suddenly seems unsure about making future plans with you? Then perhaps he wants to focus on his career or personal goals before pursuing a relationship. You may feel betrayed and hurt because of the sudden change in his behavior, but do not feel annoyed. Instead, try to understand him. Probably he is not ready for a relationship and battling his own self, trying to be sure of his feelings for you. If he has distanced himself from you, he probably has a valid reason for it. Respect his decision and try to be as normal as possible. Studies show that feeling understood and understanding your partner subjectively matters more for relationship well-being than truly knowing each other (2).
3. Don’t cut all ties
His silence may get to you, but do not cut all ties yet. After a disagreement or a stressful period in his life, he may choose to withdraw to sort through his thoughts and feelings. He may want to reach out to you eventually when he has worked through his feelings. Blocking him on social media or severing ties may change his mind. When the time feels right, gently ask him to share his feelings. Let him know you’re open to talking. Message him occasionally if you want to, but do not coax him to talk to you nor exhibit extreme behaviors such as manipulation or ultimatums.
4. Focus on yourself
There is no point in stressing over someone you may probably never end up with. Instead, focus on yourself and use your free time to pursue a hobby or an activity you are passionate about. If painting is your passion, transform your evenings into a creative escape, letting your emotions flow onto the canvas. If you enjoy fitness, join a yoga class or start running in the mornings. Your mental peace and wellness are more important than any guy. Remember always to prioritize your well-being in such a situation.
Quick tip5. Move on
Maybe what you fear is true, and he is probably uninterested in you. You may feel angry and justifiably so. But do not hold that resentment in your heart as it will only hurt you more. Instead, try to forget and move on in life. Some people are meant to make only a limited appearance in your life, so let go and move on. Find happiness with yourself and in your own life as you will meet a prospective partner when the time is right. Choose to let him go and focus on yourself by taking up a hobby, spending more time with family, and traveling.
You may be head over heels for this guy, and so, his radio silence could make you lose sleep. But it might be the universe’s way of pushing you away from the person not meant for you, and in a direction more suitable to your life path. You are supposed to be with an awesome guy, so stop fretting over him and make way for the ‘right’ one for you.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Could a guy’s distance indicate he fears getting too close quickly?
Yes, a guy interested in you can distance himself if he fears getting too close to you quickly. Some of the reasons might be because he had a bad experience in his previous relationship and is still unsure about his feelings, he has low self-esteem, or he might think that you are moving too fast and not serious about the relationship.
2. What are the long-term implications of a guy acting distant when he likes me?
If a guy likes you but still acts distant towards you; eventually, one of you will lose interest over time. Also, if none of you is ready to take action, there is a possibility of misunderstandings and miscommunications, which can further damage the relationship.
3. How can I prevent a guy from becoming distant when he likes me?
If you think that there is a guy who likes you but is acting distant, but the feelings are mutual, take up the courage and ask him out directly rather than waiting for him to approach you. If you are shy to confess, keep in touch with him through any means and create opportunities to spend time together.
4. Can distant behavior be a sign of a deeper emotional issue?
Yes, distant behavior may be a sign of a deeper emotional issue. For example, a guy might withdraw if he’s stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed by personal problems. He could also act distant if he’s dealing with unresolved trauma or insecurities.
There can be various reasons why guys act distant and unemotional when they like you. Checking you on social media, spotting him around you, his gazes, and his immediate response to your texts may indicate that he likes you. Sometimes men try to act distant due to fear of rejection. He may think he is not in your league, you are with someone, want to keep his options open, and want you to approach him are the common reasons for acting distant. Men who do not want a serious relationship or are already committed can act distinctly to women they like. You may give time and choose the right person for you instead of trying to make sense of his behavior.
Infographic: Questions To Ask Yourself To Determine Why He Is Acting Distant
Sometimes it might seem that he is distancing himself from you, but that might not be the case, and the reason for his aloofness could be more benign than you think. Perhaps it is his work, or he is absent-minded these days since he has been planning a new purchase for a long time. So don’t assume and ask these questions to yourself to be entirely sure. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Confused why the guy you like is acting distant? Uncover the underlying causes why guys pull away when they like you in this informative video!
References
- Differentiating Declining Commitment and Breakup Using Commitment to Wed;
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6411082/ - Investigating the role of two types of understanding in relationship well-being: understanding is more important than knowledge;
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19638635/
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