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Your relationship may be strong and steady, and you may feel ready to take it to the next level. However, your partner doesn’t seem to be on the same page as you, causing you to wonder why he won’t commit. Amidst a surge of complex feelings and uncertainties, you may feel like calling it quits.
But wait. Before you do anything rash, sit back and analyze what may be holding him back. It could be something related to you or something he is struggling with. Once you get more clarity, it will be clear whether you should walk away or give him more time.
Read this post to understand some probable reasons for his dubiousness and why he is hesitating to commit to you.
Understanding His Commitment Fears
Before understanding why someone wouldn’t commit, you must understand the root of such behaviors. Commitment fears may stem from several factors, including fear of abandonment or rejection, lack of trust, or underlying psychological conditions. A significant need for independence may further hinder commitment in relationships. Commitment fears may also arise from traumatic past experiences where he has been betrayed or abused by a loved one that they trusted. The trauma may be related to non-trustworthy romantic partners, poor peer companionship, or abusive parental relationships which tend to lower one’s self-esteem.
15 Reasons Why He Won’t Commit
1. The timing isn’t right
Maybe he is apprehensive because he is preparing for a career move or pursuing an education. He knows he loves you, but the relationship is not his priority. He is still trying to figure out what he wants to do and where to be. This is not the right time for you to expect him to commit. His vacillation could be because he knows you will always be a part of his life wherever he is and feels he will always come back to you.
James Michael Sama, a coach and writer, shares his reasons for avoiding commitment in his blog titled 10 Signs He’s Not Ready For Commitment. He admits, “I spent a lot of years avoiding commitment in relationships. Most of my 20s, actually. I’d been a late bloomer and had a lot of exploring and catching up to do. Traveling. Meeting new people. Having new experiences. (i).”
2. He has other priorities
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Does he always prioritize work over you? Does he prefer to go out with his pals instead of spending an evening with you? Does he refuse to miss a game on TV to go for a movie with you? Does he cook up weird stories when you ask him to come home early to celebrate your birthday? See the red flags.
Point to consider3. He compares you to his ex
If your man has had a break-up recently, it is likely he still thinks about his ex. Although things are great between the two of you, in his head, he still compares you to his ex. He doubts if certain things will still feel as good as the previous relationship.
4. He had a bad break-up
As the saying goes, once bitten, twice shy. Your guy probably had a bitter break-up. It still hurts him, and he is scared to commit yet again or get into an emotionally trying space again, likely due to trepidation.
5. Most of his friends are single
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If most of the guys in his circle are single, and he thinks it’s a happier and more comfortable space to be in, he will likely not want to commit. Some people think of commitment as a loss of freedom, which he may not be ready to forego yet. It can be a clear sign he is not ready for a relationship.
6. He takes you for granted
We say that we should fall in love with the person and not what we envision them to be. But be cautious about accepting all his bad behaviors, habits, and wrongdoings. If you accept everything, he will take you for granted and disrespect your opinions. He will think he can get away with anything.
A man usually likes a woman who can stand her ground. A compromising woman will not seem to be a strong pillar for him. So, much as he enjoys hanging out and flirting with you, he will not be willing to seek any permanence to the relationship.
7. He is happy with the way you guys are
He could be balking because perhaps you already give him everything he needs. You are in a live-in relationship, you fulfill his physical and emotional needs, and you care for him like a wife. He would not be interested in marriage or commitment if he is fully satisfied with what you guys have now and thus maybe delaying the next step in your relationship.
8. You devalue yourself
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If you constantly apologize and fall at his feet, and if you always make the first move to make up after a fight, you are telling him how little you think of yourself. He will probably not value or respect your strength if you show him you have none. Always putting yourself down or crawling back to him will make him cringe eventually. He does not want someone negative or someone they have to take care of constantly.
9. He is a womanizer
He probably thinks he can get any woman he wants and, therefore, goes around with anyone who fancies him. He gets an ego boost from women going gaga over him. He does not think twice while flirting or courting other women in front of you or behind your back.
However much you may be in love with him, you may be just another one of them. He enjoys his life this way and would not care to commit.
10. He is in the relationship just for sex
To be blunt, some men are into it only for the sex. Conversations, dates, and fun times are mere foreplay to them. They love the build-up before jumping into bed with you. You may have misunderstood this as his interest and didn’t dig deep into these seemingly innocuous actions. He is not looking to settle down with you; he loves the sex and will not let you go till he has to.
11. He doesn’t like pressure
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Some men show signs of faintheartedness and crumble under pressure. They tend to lean toward circumspection. If you always pressure him for a commitment or give him signs that you want to move in together or get married, you’re likely pushing him away. He may be a nice guy, but some men just need to take it slow and come to the realization on their own. You may try to understand signs a guy is confused about his feelings for you and then act accordingly.
12. Money matters to him
Your man may be serious about you, but to him, money matters. He needs to feel like he is financially stable to support a wife and family. He also needs to see that you are economically independent and are not in it just for the money. Again, if you make more money than him, he may have a severe complex with it. Some men just like to be the one who seemingly runs the house.
13. He has someone
Sometimes, you know your man has many girlfriends. You have secretly been jealous of his friendship with some of them too. You are his steady girlfriend, but he seems to have a great rapport with someone else. Their connection is quite visible. Are you sure he doesn’t have a crush on her? If you want a commitment from him, it gets him thinking, and he gets cold. Maybe he is weighing the pros and cons while wavering between you and the other person. So you might be hedging one’s bets if you start avoiding him for the better.
14. He had a tough past
Do you know his real story? Is he a guy who has been part of a faltering and broken family or had a tough childhood watching parents or family members fighting or moving apart? Or has he lived with foster parents who were not so great? A guy with an unhappy past may be overwhelmed with feelings of angst and find it difficult to enter into a committed relationship. Also, if he is dealing with abandonment issues, he might not commit to you.
He may have risen above it all and made a good life for himself, but he may always think of long-term relationships as an ugly chapter in someone’s life. He likes what he has with you but does not want to take a risk and make it messy.
15. He is bisexual
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It’s his deep dark secret, and he hasn’t really come out of the closet, but something just isn’t right. There is a sense of coyness when he talks about threesomes with other men and you, seems in awe of some guy, how handsome some men are or how attractive you are. If your man is bisexual or struggles with his sexuality, he will likely have commitment issues as he is unsure of what he wants for himself. He probably doesn’t want to regret it later.
How Do I Make Him Commit?
To help him commit to you without pressuring him, consider the following tips:
- Communicate openly about your feelings and why commitment matters to you.
- Avoid pressuring him; forcing commitment may overwhelm him and push him away.
- Try to understand the underlying reason for his fear of commitment.
- Build an emotional connection before a physical one, as it allows time to understand each other’s values and goals.
- If he’s hesitant about commitment, discuss the positive aspects it can bring to your relationship, like making plans more comfortably.
- Keep things simple and honest. Focus on the benefits of commitment rather than the drawbacks of not having it.
Patience is a key in relationships; sometimes, giving him the space he needs can make him realize how much he values your relationship. Be supportive and focus on building a strong emotional connection.
What Should You Do If He Doesn’t Commit?
It’s a difficult phase in your relationship if you are ready to take it to the next level, and he is not. You thought everything was perfect, but suddenly, he seems to be less interested. What should you do? Well, introspect a while before coming to a decision.
If you think your man is serious about you but just needs some time or space, give it to him if it’s worth the wait. Sometimes, guys find it hard to communicate clearly. Maybe the time is just not right for him now and he may be in a state of ambivalence, but he wants to be with you and will take it forward when he is ready.
If you are not under pressure to get hitched right away, you can give it some time. Let the relationship go ahead the way it already is. Be there for your man, support him in his endeavors, and make yourself stable and independent. This will only increase your value in his eyes, and he will come around sooner than you know.
On the other hand, if you realize he’s just not that into you, he prefers a carefree life, does not show any signs of wanting to settle down anytime soon, talks about exploring more options, or refuses to talk about your relationship seriously, it is obvious that he is not serious about you. These are a few red flags you need to watch out for. If you notice these often and feel you have no future with him, it’s time to walk away and start afresh.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Will walking away make him commit?
If you have tried all possible ways to get your man to commit to you and nothing seems to be working, you may contemplate walking away for a while from him. In your absence, he may miss you, realize your worth, and reevaluate your relationship, which could make him rethink his decision. However, some men may commit after you walk away from them, while others may still not be ready for commitment. Hence, it is best to be prepared for both scenarios.
2. How long does it take for a man to commit?
There isn’t a specific timeline for a man to become ready for commitment. It varies from person to person and greatly depends on their goals, true feelings, values, emotional readiness, and the type of relationship they share. Thus it may help to have open communication to understand their thoughts.
3. How can I tell if he is not ready to commit?
He may not be ready if he is not ready to talk about commitment or changes the topic whenever you bring it up. Furthermore, if he talks about a future, mostly about his solo accomplishments or adventures, he may not be on the same page as you in terms of commitment. He may also show inconsistency with his behavior, such as becoming emotionally distant, avoiding deep conversations to maintain a casual relationship, and displaying a hot and cold attitude by being too interested and then pulling away or ignoring.
4. Are there any risks involved with walking away in order to make him commit?
Although walking away from someone unwilling to commit may sometimes give a positive result, it can backfire if taken too far and create a bond of uncertainty. It can also give way to communication gaps as both of you may be unable to share and understand each other’s feelings and perspectives. And this technique may take a toll on your emotional health. Hence, knowing when to walk away and how to navigate through it is important.
Why he won’t commit is a common question that comes to many girls’ minds when a guy they are dating is acting aloof around them. Sometimes men may not commit if most of their friends are single, have other priorities, and need more time to make a life decision. Some men may not have any intentions to commit if they have a girlfriend or do not want to take their relationship to the next level. Some people with a tough past, such as a broken family, may show reluctance and need more time to enter into a committed relationship.
Infographic: Possible Reasons He Won’t Commit To You
You are ready to take your relationship further because you are certain he’s the one for you, but he appears hesitant to commit. Read through the infographic below to learn about possible reasons for his deterrence. However, before drawing any conclusion, have an honest conversation with him about your concerns. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Key Pointers
- Several reasons such as career goals and fear of responsibilities, can make a guy refrain from committing to a relationship with you.
- He may be taking you for granted, is driven only by lust, or a womanizer.
- First, make sure that he is into you and then if marriage is not an absolute necessity at the moment, give your relationship some time.
Illustration: Reasons Why He Won&039t Commit To You & What To Do About It
Image: Dall·E/MomJunction Design Team
Some men are difficult to decode. They say they love you but act just the opposite. Does your man keep coming back, but won’t commit? Find out what could be the reason in this video!
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. 10 signs he’s not ready for commitment;https://jamesmsama.medium.com/10-signs-hell-never-commit-to-you-a1aea0f58c87
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