Image: Midjourney/ MomJunction Design Team
A breakup can be emotionally churning and you may feel like your world is falling apart. If your ex texts you months or years after the breakup, queries and questions regarding why your ex is texting you again, what you should do, and how you should reply may begin to creep into your mind. Text messages from your ex may surprise and bewilder you. Receiving a text from an ex can stir a mix of emotions, such as excitement, confusion, and anxiety. Acknowledging these feelings and understanding that they are normal reactions to unexpected communication is important. Recognizing your emotions will help you process the situation more effectively. Because a breakup takes time to heal, receiving a text from your ex can be overwhelming and can often lead to a confusing state. It can aggravate your heart while you’re on the road to recovery; their texts keep you stuck in the past and bring up old memories. Read on to learn about some of the reasons your ex is texting after breakup.
“Why Is My Ex Texting Me?”
If your ex has suddenly started sending you good morning and good night messages regularly, you could go into thinking overdrive. Do they want to get together or just hook up? Have they realized that parting ways were wrong and that they love you very much? How to respond to the message? Do you even respond or just ignore it and let your ex stew?
We have made a compilation of the reasons why your ex contacts you (and how you can handle it).
1. Guilt
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If your partner ended the relationship, they are likely gripped by a deep sense of guilt and remorse. Nobody wants to bear the burden of guilt, so when it becomes too much to bear, they look for an outlet to vent out. Who better than you, their ex? They contact you and expect you to have forgiven them. If you don’t, they pester you until you do. The response you give doesn’t matter to them. If you respond, your partner will twist it in a way to alleviate their guilt.
If you react angrily, they will blame your bad temper for the breakup. If your response is cold, your partner will say that you are cold-hearted. There is no point in trying to please your ex. All you can do is reorient and rebound.
Marissa Krause, a writer, says that her ex-boyfriend from high school texted her after seven years, just to apologize. She writes, “It was a message from my ex-boyfriend from high school. And not just a “hey, how are you?” message. Oh no, this was a lengthy paragraph, and one that started with him saying, ‘I’m sorry.’” Although she was flabbergasted at first, she accepted his apology. She adds, “It took about 2,555 days to get answers, but I finally learned the truth (i).”
2. Loneliness
One of the apparent reasons your ex might be texting you could be that he or she is lonely. Maybe your partner has no friends or did not find someone special in their life for affection.
Your ex could have no one else to talk to and might be texting to you to fill his or her emotional void. Your ex may not want to come back and may not have romantic feelings for you. They might just be looking for someone to talk to and fight off their unfinished business. Understanding the reasons behind your ex’s texts can help you determine the best way to respond or decide whether to engage at all.
3. Curiosity
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Your ex might be texting you out of sheer curiosity. They might have spotted you at a restaurant or heard something interesting about you that triggered their curiosity to text you. Your ex could be curious to know what is happening in your life. The reasons might be anything like:
- Finding out who you are going out with
- Wanting to know how you are coping up after the breakup
- Understanding what you feel about them
- Finding out what you do/where you go in your spare time
This is just plain curiosity, so don’t get your hopes up.
4. Support
A few months after the breakup, your ex may reach out to you for some support. While this might seem like your ex wants to be friends, they might simply be having problems and texting you to vent out. In some cases, they might be looking for financial help, especially if you were the financial support when you were together.
Point to consider5. Backup plan
In some cases, a couple goes out together as friends or keeps in touch regularly. While this might seem ideal, breakups and partner dynamics are not so simple. There is a strong chance both the partners still desire each other. In some cases, a person may be using the ex as a backup plan or standby if their new relationship fails. They might be looking to secure their future if their rebound doesn’t work well or they don’t find someone suitable.
6. Friendship
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This is a simple reason why your ex texts you. Although it may deceivingly look like one of the signs your ex still has feelings for you, they have none that are romantic. They simply may consider you a good and reliable person to spend time with. An unexpected text from your ex might mean they are tentatively holding their hand out for friendship. They are ready to move on and let you go ahead with your life. They are looking only for a friendship that gives both of you space and freedom while living your own life.
7. Boredom
Your ex might be texting you because they have ample time to kill and alleviate their boredom. Remember, you used to chat with each other as partners, sometimes out of boredom.
Your ex might often be texting you if they have nothing else to do, sitting at home idle and bored.
8. Anger
Image: IStock
If the breakup is recent, it is natural that your ex may be angry and resentful. This is often the case when there is an abrupt breakup over text or a phone call. Your ex may seek answers for closure. They may text you immediately after the breakup to find out what went wrong. They may profusely apologize and try to salvage the situation by making unreasonable concessions like, “I will do whatever you ask me to.” If you stop talking to your ex in the initial “no-contact phase,” they will text you out of sheer anger that you are ignoring.
9. Sex
Sex may seem an implausible reason for your ex to text you. The fact of the matter is that your ex might not be getting enough action in their sex life and, therefore, may find an excuse to hook up with you for sex.
If you are particularly vulnerable after the breakup and your ex starts texting you, you will most likely accept the proposal. They test the waters by texting innocently at first and then quietly putting in the request for sleeping with you. You need to tread carefully.
10. Jealousy
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If you have managed to move on and have even got a new partner, your ex might get jealous. Especially if your ex is still floundering or slowly finding their way in the world, they would not want you to go ahead faster than them.
If you are particularly vulnerable after the breakup and your ex starts texting you, you will most likely accept the proposal, assuming it is one of the signs your ex wants you back. However, they test the waters by texting innocently at first and then quietly putting in the request to sleep with you. You need to tread carefully.
11. Wants to talk something practical
If you have lived together before the breakup, your ex might be texting you regarding power bills or rent or some other aspect. It might be about something they have left at your place that they might want back. Or they may want to help you out of a hard situation without getting involved too much.
Quick fact12. Wants to get back
This is the part you have been waiting to read about? Your ex may genuinely regret causing the breakup. This realization may dawn on them any time, and you can expect their text at any time. Your ex may be cautious in gauging your mood. If they want you back, the text frequency will be more, and the content could be personal. Your ex may follow you on social media and even check up about you with your close friends and family.
13. Needs reassurance
Your ex may have a desire to rekindle the relationship or re-establish a friendship. Seeking reassurance might be a way to gauge whether you are open to this possibility. If you and your ex parted on amicable terms, they may sometimes reach out for positive reassurance. This could be seeking advice or simply getting your opinion on various matters, which may boost their self-esteem if it’s been affected.
14. Rethinking the reason for the breakup
Your ex might be texting you after rethinking the reasons for the breakup. They may have taken time to reflect on the relationship and wonder what might have gone wrong on their part. They may have understood their mistakes and want to reconcile with you.
The ex might be manipulative, they might miss certain things about the relationship, lie or emotionally blackmail to come back into your life. It is better to take time and understand their motives before inviting them back.
15. Testing the waters
Your ex might text you to gauge your current feelings and determine whether there is still a possibility for reconciliation. This approach can appear as casual conversations, but the underlying intent may be to assess if the emotional connection still exists. They may be looking for signs of unresolved feelings or a potential to rekindle the relationship. Understanding this motive can help you respond thoughtfully and with clarity.
What To Do If Your Ex Texts You?
Should you establish a channel of correspondence and reconnect if your ex texts you? To text or not to, that is the big dilemma. If you feel it is emotionally agonizing and mentally detrimental, avoid responding. However, if you have parted ways on mutual terms, you may consider being in touch with your ex for old time’s sake.
If you feel that your ex is infringing upon your privacy, you can explain the limits of your friendship to him or her.
Self-Care Strategies For Handling Communication With An Ex
Focus on your well-being by considering the following self-care strategies. These steps can help manage your emotions and regain clarity during this time:
- Engage in activities that bring you joy.
- Talk to friends or a therapist about your feelings.
- Write down your thoughts to gain clarity.
- Practice mindfulness or meditation to manage your emotions.
- Focus on your personal growth and well-being.
When artist Ingrid Chajsen’s ex texted her unexpectedly 10 months after their break-up, she was unnerved. However, she took a while to compose herself and write back to her. She says in her letter, “If I am honest, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon and I needed time and space. I had really liked you and it was hard to instantly make that switch. …I felt very rejected and it hurt.”
Chajsen, however, also made her boundaries clear toward the end of the letter. She writes, “I’m not opposed to the idea of friendship but if it brings up anything that doesn’t feel good, we would need to reevaluate then (ii).”
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How do you know if your ex secretly wants you back?
Signs that your ex secretly wants to get back together may include:
- Trying to maintain contact and give updates about their life.
- Acting jealous when they see you with someone else.
- Reminiscing old memories.
- Following your social media activities.
2. Why do exes come back when you stop caring?
People often give less value to things that are easily available. Same may happen in relationships. Once you leave, your ex may recall how special you made them feel, and they may start missing you. Distance may give them an opportunity to think clearly. However, they may be jealous of your improved self or that you have moved on with someone else.
3. Is it healthy to keep in touch with an ex?
Keeping in touch with your ex when you broke up for valid reasons is not a very good idea. It may keep you attached to that person, hindering your chances of moving on in your life or establishing another healthy relationship.
4. What happens when I don’t reply to my ex?
What happens when you don’t reply to your ex will depend on the nature of your relationship and why you are not responding. If your relationship was toxic or abusive, not responding may be a necessary step towards healing and moving on. On the other hand, if your relationship ended amicably, not responding may cause confusion or hurt feelings. It’s important to remember that everyone reacts differently to being ignored and that you can’t control your ex’s actions. If you need space and don’t want to engage in communication, it’s essential to set clear boundaries and stick to them.
A feeling of guilt or loneliness may be why your ex is texting you. If the break-up was sudden, a quest to find answers or mere curiosity about what is happening in your life may lead them to resume contact. However, your ex may feel genuine regret for bidding adieu and may wish to patch up. You may be confused with all the possibilities and unable to decide whether to answer the texts or not. Decide with a clear mind, but refrain from reviving a conversation if your ex infringes upon your privacy.
Infographic: How To Respond When Your Ex Is Texting You?
Moving on from a relationship is a difficult phase for anyone. But while you are on that journey, if your ex suddenly starts texting you, the process reaches a new difficulty level. But, the one thing you need to remember is that just because they are texting you does not mean you need to allow them back into your life. But how do you respond to them? The answer to that question lies in the following infographic. Please give it a read and make sure that you keep these points handy.
Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Key Pointers
- The period after breaking up is a hard phase to pass, and many people choose to go back to their exes because of their loneliness.
- Guilt, curiosity, or the need for emotional support might be one of the few reasons they are texting you even after your break-up.
- Contemplate the reasons for breaking up and what your heart says now before making a decision.
Still receiving texts from your ex after the breakup? Dive into our video as we explore the 7 compelling reasons behind their continued messages, shedding light on their motivations and helping you find clarity.
Personal Experience: Sources
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. My ex-boyfriend from high school texted me back after seven years. https://medium.com/@miss_marisa/my-ex-boyfriend-from-high-school-texted-me-back-after-seven-years-e56c76afc650
ii. My ex texted me after 10 months.
https://medium.com/@ichajsen/my-ex-texted-me-after-10-months-d5e35a517440
References
- The Painful Truth About Breakups.
https://jedfoundation.org/resource/the-painful-truth-about-breakups/
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