The joy of parenthood is also accompanied by many hardships and challenges. Parents have to put in their heart and soul in raising their kids. As children go from being infants to toddlers and then enter their teenage years, parents will also have to deal with different sets of hurdles and ways to manage their kids. Now, when both parents are involved in raising the kid they have the option to share the responsibility among themselves. Partners can take turns in household chores like cleaning and cooking. One can decide to stay back home if the other wants to pursue their careers.
But think about single mothers in this situation. A single mother will have to juggle and do it all herself. She will have to earn a living and tend to her child at the same time. And add to this the constant scrutiny from people and society in general. Even in the most advanced parts of the world, being a single mother might not be accepted that easily by society. Single parenting is often considered taboo and not given due respect. It is viewed as more of a curse or a mistake on the mother’s part and she will probably never get any praise for working so hard at raising a child. Single moms deserve as much respect, dignity, love, and honor as mothers with supportive partners. If you are a single mom, you will relate. If not, you’ll at least consider keeping the judgments away! Here’s everything you should know about what being a single mother feels like and why they need to be celebrated equally.
The Constant Fear Of Being Judged
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First and foremost, people judge single mothers for their decision to have a child. “Did she have a one-night-stand?”, “She must have had a reckless life!”, “Who’s the father, and why did he leave?”, “Is she responsible enough?”. These are but only some of the snide remarks that single mothers have to face on a daily basis. The struggles of being a single mom are endless, and there’s no room for negligence. She’s under the strict radar of the extended family, friends, friends of friends, and society in general. Even the smallest of mistakes she makes will be scrutinized and people will leave no stone unturned to blame it entirely on her. Living under such constant pressure and stress can be really bad for a person’s mental state. Single mothers also deserve care and praise from their friends, families, and peers.
The House Chores Keep Piling Up
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It’s frustrating to handle the world outside and inside all alone. Somedays, she is down in the dumps, crying silently, perhaps, hiding her tears in the shower so that she isn’t judged as “weak”. Just when she thinks she has sorted one task, her baby screams for attention. Once she has fed them, running an errand or paying off bills strikes her. At other times, when she decides to take a nap, the baby is already up and messing things around while she has urgent work calls to attend to. There is no break—nobody to offer her some respite from everyday pains.
Yes, there is joy and happiness all to herself when the child takes pride in calling her mom and hails her for the sacrifices she has made. But loneliness can be killing, especially when she sees couples around sharing the responsibility and being there for each other and the baby.
She’s Not Just A Mom, But A Father Too!
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All the gender roles that society put in place to make life supposedly easier no longer exist in her life. She is the mother and the father. She is the nurturer and the provider. They’ll judge her for her conduct and the luxuries the family enjoys (or not). All of the comforts cost money, and she’ll be solely responsible for the family’s financial health. There are times she’ll be broke, she would have maxed out her credit cards, and there is no savior. The little joys of someone treating her or buying her a present to reward her selflessness will be sapped. So, she fends for her baby and herself. She goes through hell every day, much more than anybody can ever imagine!
There’s Nobody To Hear Her Out
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She’ll be in the midst of so much at times that the world comes crashing down. All she’ll do is cry. She’ll pray for someone to hold her, pat her back, and put her off to sleep, but there’s no one in sight. She sobs and speaks to the baby even though the innocent one doesn’t understand or offer her advice. She’ll believe that things will get better someday, but everything seems like a dream in plain sight. The reality is disappointing. She makes lemonades of the lemons life throws at her. She motivates herself. She’ll rattle off all affirmations, thinking it’s a magical solution to her drudgery. But, there seems to be no escape.
“Me” Time? What’s That?
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The idea of self-care is a misnomer. It doesn’t exist. Who’ll do the massive pile of everyday work? She’ll be labeled careless, incapacitated, and of course, flawed. When you raise a kid without a father, there are no breaks to rejuvenate. Life seems so bitter and unfair, but she doesn’t give up. She’s too busy giving the child the “best” life and balancing her work and home life. She’s burnt herself out physically, but her mind hopes she’ll manage better than being with a partner who doesn’t care.
She Is Tired Of Stressful Questions
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Guns are blazing from all angles, not just at her but her precious one too. She’ll fear the future. When they are growing and dealing with emotional changes, the child will ask her for explanations. They’ll demand an answer even when she wants to shield them from the hard truth. They’ll express jealousy and pain when they see friends with both parents. They’ll feel the void every day but suppress their needs thinking mom would be saddened or reactive. The dilemma hits both in equal measure.
She May Decide To Be Alone Forever
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The idea of being questioned about her adult choices might scare her to bits. She might never express her need for a partner. She will build walls and keep everyone away, fearing all the questions she’ll face when people know. Believing someone again with all her heart will be a path she may decide never to traverse. Even if she finds the “one”, she’ll worry if her child will ever adjust with this new man in their life and vice versa. Will he be a good father and treat them like his own? Will he respect her for the choices she’s made, or will he change as soon as she lets go of her guard? Should she settle down again or bury that thought forever? It’s infinitely exhausting!
Being a parent is joyful, overwhelming, and immensely stressful at the same time. She is happy that her little one is in her loving embrace, and she’ll see them take the baby steps every day. Her happiness will know no bounds when they start talking and address her as “mom”. Feeding them, bathing them, singing to them, and even putting them off to sleep are experiences that will remain forever etched in her mind, just like her difficulties. She loves her baby with every fiber of her being. But the deep pain inside, one that haunts her, will raise its ugly head. Again and again. That said, she’s a star. She’s a real hero. All she needs is a little empathy and a life of dignity. Do you relate? What are your thoughts on this? Let us know in the comments below!
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