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Love is like the weather. It changes with the season. The older it grows, the less obvious it becomes.
In the initial days, we take care of everything, right from how we look to how we talk, smile, laugh and even eat and chew in front of him/her. Obviously, we do not want to show the not-so-graceful side of us too soon, right?
Later on, we get used to each other, we know each other better and then after marriage, we don’t really take much care about how we behave or look in front of them. This is not because of complacency but because we know each other so well that these things don’t really matter anymore.
Once the baby comes into our lives, it is almost as if the romance is dead and gone. The text messages, phone communication and live conversations are all about what the baby is doing, eating, pooing and more.
Romance peeps into our lives only now and then. But does that mean there is no more love between the couples? No. It means that the relationship has matured so much that the wife and husband are at a comfort level with each other. Read on to know how love develops over years and passes through various stages in our lives.
1. Courtship:
I bet, the days of courtship are the best days in the lives of couples. I can’t forget the day when I first saw my man at my first work place. It was a casual meeting, but little did we realize that we would fall in love and get married. How I wish I could relive those lovely days – long drives, late night movies, stealing kisses, blushing over naughty texts, and endless conversations over the phone.
Couples in love are lost in their own imaginary world. Everything seems exciting and they just can’t wait to tie the knot.
2. Doting couples:
There’s no stopping the newly weds. They have got the licence to go wild and indulge in PDAs without worrrying about what others might think.
I remember me and husband were excited to start our married life setting up our new home and decorating it and just hanging around without a care in the world. We had no major responsibilities. We went out more often, spent more time with each other, and just couldn’t keep our hands off each other. And that was until I got pregnant.
3. During pregnancy:
Pregnancy has the power to influence the dynamics of your relationship with your partner. But, thanks to the raging hormones, nausea, morning sickness, and fatigue, I had to juggle through a lot many things, including getting a hold of myself.
I had strange cravings and bad temper. But my husband bore the brunt of all my pregnancy tantrums. If not for his cooperation, maturity, and understanding, things would have been otherwise. A little misstsep here and a little fault there can leave bitterness in a marriage.
4. After a kid:
Life seems complete once your kid arrives into the family. Or so I thought, but this tiny tot turns your world topsy-turvy even before you realize. From sleepless nights to blame games, every minute thing triggers a fight. Post pregnancy is a period of testing times for couples.
As couples, you would have gone on holidays, long drives, and had a lot of fun. Come kids, and all of that changes. Your child becomes your world, and everything revolves around him or her. And a long run then becomes a visit to the doctor for your baby’s check-up or vaccinations.
As a newbie mother I was overprotective of my child, and showered all my affection on him so much to my husband’s annoyance. He would feel neglected and chose to go out with his friends often. Though I knew that the distance created amongst us is temporary, I would feel guilty and disturbed as well. I had to make sure to schedule my day in such a way, that my husband gets at least a little of my time.
5. When kids grow up:
No couple is ever prepared for this. All hell breaks lose when your kid turns to toddler. You and your husband may be annoyed seeing a messy house. I remember how I was on my toes all the time and scared out of wits with the fear that my little one will hurt himself running wild. My obvious punch bag – my husband! Frustrated with the kids, I would vent out on my husband. My husband and I had little to no “us” time! We were always held up with the kids.
6. After kids begin schooling:
Kids are now ready to go to school and thank God for small mercies. The only ‘me time’ I get is when they are at school. By the time I could take a nap and prepare a snack, they are back from school. Do you think that leaves me with any time for my husband? As much as you want to have a heart-to-heart talk with and indulge in sweet nothings, you won’t be able to make time for it. Your relationship still takes a backseat as kids become your priority.
7. Life with growing kids:
Little do we realize that parenting takes so much of our time or should I say practically all the time. While it’s convenient for the father to pass on the parenting buck to the mother, it takes two to raise the kids.
There’s no enthusiasm left to be adventurous anymore. For instance, I’d prefer to watch that movie on my high definition channel than drag myself to a multiplex to watch that kid’s movie. By the way, we would still end up watching a movie every month on the big screen and spend more money on snacks than the tickets. Though easier said than done, it’s tough not to give in to your kids’ demands.
When it comes to self-care there’s zero interest in looks or dressing up. Getting a good night’s sleep is the only thing on a couple’s mind. And when it’s time for the big act with your man, your kids might just put off your mood by insisting that you sleep with them. All you could ask for is a goodnight kiss.
8. Mid-life crisis:
Middle age (around 45-50) is the time when men and women alike start reflecting on their life, health, kids, career, and achievements like never before. While some go into depression, others want to re-live their youth. I knew a couple who were not on good terms in marriage earlier but had significantly evolved in their relationship later during mid-life. They went out on holidays, outings, long drives, and did all the crazy things. They are now inseparable.
9. Old age:
Kids grow up to be adults, they go out for jobs, or get married and move to different cities. The parents are left alone. They have so much of time but there seems to be a vacuum in their lives. They desperately wait for a festival or national holiday to see their kids come home and spend time with them. You spend the rest of your life reliving those beautiful memories of your kids.
That said, any relationship evolves over a period – the changes are sometimes pleasant and sometimes unpleasant. And, putting in efforts is a part and parcel of any relationship. So, induce your marriage with romance and some spark to keep it alive. Remember, the key is to imbibe acceptance, tolerance, affection, romance, and of course commitment and that will help you go a long way in building an everlasting marriage.
How did your relationship sail through those crusts and troughs? We would love to hear your story.
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